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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Christians only please?! - March 22nd 2012, 11:29 PM

So Okay I Have a brother ! like most people right?
He calls himself a Christian , But he doeiest act like one , he thinks because he knows the story of Jesus and he was brought up in a christian environment , it makes him a christian.

When i say he doesnt act like one i mean he does drugs , he drinks , he has sex , he swears , he disrespects our family , actually he's breaking most of the commandments . And he has no relationship with God .

I Do not know how to approach him , he is very defensive and has been known to be violent , but i cant give up on him. I pray day in day out , hoping he will see the light one day.

Firstly i would ask if you could pray for him , his name is samuel .
Secondly is there anything else i could do ? except from praying?

much love <3

Iam A Child Of The King Of Kings <3
I Am Proud To Say It !! Im Am No Longer Lost !

I Have Been Found .
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 23rd 2012, 12:05 AM

Pray and love. Nothing else. We who judge others condemn ourselves because we practice the same things. Careful. Romans 2

"For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
- Carl Sagan
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 23rd 2012, 12:38 AM

Pray for him, just like you have been doing. I've been in the same spot as your brother before. Honestly, nothing can change him but God. But, your brother has to be willing to accept that. Just continue to love him the way Jesus does and continue to show him how amazing God is, just by your attitude and your words.

wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 24th 2012, 05:52 AM

If he believes in the doctrine, he's a Christian.
Whether or not you want to consider him a good one or not is up to you.

One million miles away...
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 24th 2012, 06:27 PM

Kimberly, I think this isn't so much a religious question, with a religious answer. The kinds of things he might be doing could very well be the result of other, more worldy issues. If you address this with him from a purely religious perspective you might miss the point as well as an opportunity to actually help him.

Perhaps you can sit down with him and talk with him about the changes you see in his (worldy) behaviors: The drinking, the poor judgment, etc. Talk about it in the unique way family can: From historical perspective. you've known him a long time, you've seen him evolve. You have priceless perspective, try sharing that with him in a non accusatory (and thoroughly non religious) way and see if you cannot open a bridge of communications. See why he's changed, what's been going on in his life that could account for these changes

This might take some time, more than one or two conversations, what you want is to extend your hand and invite dialogue. This is always easiest when it is done in a non judgmental, non threatening way. Which very often means leaving religion out of it.

PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 24th 2012, 10:12 PM

This is what I'd say to do:

Simply pray for him. Pray, pray, pray. It helps, and God answers (eventually; some people are more stubborn, lol). Let your brother keep believing he's a Christian, and eventually, he'll start to become what he continually says he is. Throw in subtle hints about the religion or something when you see him (not always, but sometimes), and just continue to pray. After all, he is his own person.

Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.

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Re: Christians only please?! - March 24th 2012, 10:47 PM

I'm not a Christian but I'm going to answer anyway. Praying for him is akin to sitting on your butt in front of a blue wall hoping it will magically turn red. It's akin to tossing your burgers on a cold BBQ grill and hoping the BBQ will magically cook them to perfection. None of that will happen unless you actively get up and talk with him. There are various factors that have changed in his life resulting in the behaviours you described. I don't know what these factors are but you have a better chance at knowing given your long brother-sister relationship. Praying will help you feel better and any positive change in his behaviour probably isn't due to God answering your requests to get your brother to reduce his profanity. When you talk with him, don't begin accusing him or pointing out biblical verses, of course he'll get defensive and either ignore you or respond aggressively. Talk with him as a caring sister and at first, set the bible aside.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 25th 2012, 02:48 AM

While I agree with praying, I think that someone communicating with him and talking with him about his behavior would help tremendously.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 25th 2012, 02:51 AM

"Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to the garage makes you a car.”

-Dr. Laurence J. Peter

"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.

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Re: Christians only please?! - March 25th 2012, 04:35 AM

I think the only thing you can do is pray and cover him with love. Just give him over to Jesus. Main thing: don't avoid him. Act to him like he's your brother not an enemy. Show him acts of kindness. Even if he may not accept all of them. Tell him good morning/good night. All those things count! Offer to make him something to eat for lunch or breakfast or whatever. Little things do matter. Show him you love him. Besides that just keep praying for him, believing in him, and covering him in love. he will be in my prayers. Hope all gets better

"If I could just unzip my skin, step out of this body, then I would see who I really am.” -Wintergirls

  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Christians only please?! - March 25th 2012, 04:42 AM

I've also got to say that praying really isn't going to change anything. You've got to talk to him, and not in a confronting way. You can't tell him that everything he is doing is wrong and he's going against God. You've got to approach him in an understanding way. Just tell him you are worried about him and want to try to understand why he is acting the way he is. Once you have the why, you may suggest alternative actions to the problems he's having. But I advise to not even bring God into the conversation. If he is still calling himself a Christian he doesn't believe he is going against God, and even though you don't agree telling him he's wrong is just going to make him pull away. Give him reasons besides religious ones as to why you are worried about him.

"For Ignorance killed the cat, Curiosity was framed." -Caitlin McGrath

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Re: Christians only please?! - April 1st 2012, 11:09 AM

I'm not a Christian, but I'm here to post perhaps a new perspective (which may not be terribly pleasant to contemplate, but hey):
If he's only saying that he's Christian, and isn't really, you're only going to make him feel more defensive and alienated by constantly taking the religious approach. He's your brother - you should want the best for him because you love him, not just because you want him to walk the same path as you. Put the Bible and the religious talk aside and address him as a human, and don't assume that the solutions to his problems are necessarily the ones you hope they'll be.

As somebody who's been in his situation, I understand that constantly reminding him of the differences between him and the "ideal Christian brother/son/etc" is only going to hurt and anger him more.

Dear You,
You can make it through this. The clouds will not last forever.
From Me.
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Christians only please?! - April 2nd 2012, 04:17 AM

There really isn't much right now that you can do except pray and show him you care about him. It's great that you want to save him, but frankly, you're not going to be able to. He knows the story. He knows about God. He's choosing not to follow that path right now. He won't be changing that anytime soon from the sound of it. Any words you say will be lost on him right now. He will only respond with bitterness and anger, and may only serve for him to drive himself farther away from not only God, but his family and everything else.

Your brother has a lot of problems that aren't related to God at all. While doing drugs, being violent, etc. breaks the commandments, that's not really accounting for what's DRIVING the behavior, and I am telling you right now it's not the fact that he doesn't have Jesus in his life. He probably has a lot of emotional troubles that need to be worked through to figure out what drives his behavior and how to change it. And while God can certainly help him do that, he has to have a resolve of his own. Religion won't fix him on its own.

Right now it's not your place to look at your brother and see what he is doing wrong, and to judge him and how God feels about him. Frankly, you can't presume God's mind. Instead, have some empathy for him. Don't be the crusader to get him on track with God. Be the sister who wants to help him be safe and happy and healthy. Instead of picking out every way he is breaking the commandments, realize he isn't even in a place to follow them. So show him you care, and lay off the judgement. Love is what is important right now.

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Re: Christians only please?! - April 2nd 2012, 02:54 PM

I am praying for him.

Make sure that he knows the gospel (sin separating us from God, us having to go to hell to pay for those sins, Jesus dying to take that punishment for us so we don't have to, and accepting that gift). Tell him that at least once, and then from there, just be a good example and pray for him. And don't hold back talking about God. When God does something cool in your life, tell your brother how excited you are about it. When you learn something new at church or from reading the bible, share your joy with him. It doesn't always have to be preaching at him, it can just be casually sharing your life with him. But please make sure that he at least knows the gospel.
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