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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
marvelheroes Offline
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Question Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 10:00 AM

Hey guys, I have a question. Also since this is in the religion, philosophy, etc. section, I'm just gonna start by saying that I'm an atheist and if you have a/ practice a religion with any kind of omnipotent lord then please leave because I can't stand to have religious debates with people if we're not face to face.

Now, my problem: the girl I like is religious but I'm an atheist and in this case as much as I like her it also has to do with my moral values. I haven't asked her out yet but I'm planning to. What should I do?

Last edited by marvelheroes; March 23rd 2012 at 10:01 AM. Reason: Typo
   
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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 01:56 PM

I would just suggest playing the religion aspect down. You are both (fairly) young and it doesn't have to be a big deal. When you ask her out, don't mention religion. Just because you have different views on religion doesn't mean you can't have a first date.

However, if you find yourself starting a relationship with this girl, you should tell her. Or at least mention that you don't attend church.
   
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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 02:40 PM

Thanks. Well it kind of bothers me the whole religion thing because(now to be very careful) in my opinion, here it is again, in my opinion it feels as if religion, which can be a great community base, is very misleading and I just feel like its making very intelligent people ignorant, or rather intelligent people are ignorant of the ridiculousness of the church.
My cousins are Christians, and for a while I really felt myself wanting to be Christian too. The fact that there was such a tight community really struck me, but as I grew older I realized how unrealistic it was. Point is, if I could, I would kind of convert this girl. I don't want to sound like some antireligious atheistic mad person though and I just feel kind of bad if I took that away from her,(assuming I was persuasive enough)
   
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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 03:20 PM

This is strictly my opinion. I am religious. A christian. I believe that the person you should be with should be of the same faith wiether you are christian or muslim. The person you date should bring you closer to god and not pull you away. It is your choice to ask her out or not. But in my opinion again people should date to just date. You should have a goal ( and no not a sexual goal ) when dating someone. Is that saying you should go and get married right way but dont just date to date. The thing is though. If she is strong in her faith she wouldnt date you if you werent of her faith. Maybe yall should start by being really good friends and see how that goes. Cause if you dont like religious debates yall would probably have quite a few. Or say if yall do date. What if she ask you to go to church with her? or to a youth meeting? or something involving her religion?
   
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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 03:35 PM

You don't need to make it a problem. To be honest, it might be difficult dependent on how strong her beliefs are because she could try to convert you (I know of relationships that have failed because of that) or you could be too aggressive with your atheism stance. So try not to be if you really like her.

Also, if she wants to take you to church or whatever but she never wants her beliefs questioned then I'd get pretty annoyed lol

But I'd like to say, if you do convert, don't convert just because you like her, do it because you've convinced yourself. stay sceptical.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 04:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by leadersoftoday101 View Post
You should have a goal ( and no not a sexual goal ) when dating someone. Is that saying you should go and get married right way but dont just date to date...
Yeah I'm definitely not that kind of person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by leadersoftoday101 View Post
The thing is though. If she is strong in her faith she wouldnt date you if you werent of her faith. Maybe yall should start by being really good friends and see how that goes. Cause if you dont like religious debates yall would probably have quite a few. Or say if yall do date. What if she ask you to go to church with her? or to a youth meeting? or something involving her religion?
It's true that could be a problem if that happens it would be really uncomfortable.

Last edited by marvelheroes; March 23rd 2012 at 04:11 PM. Reason: Typo
   
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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 04:23 PM

Unless it's part of her religious beliefs to date someone of the same religion it shouldn't really be a problem. You would just need to be respecting of each others' beliefs and not try to force beliefs on each other. If you do end up debating, that's okay as long as it stays friendly and doesn't turn into an argument. Religion shouldn't stop people dating, we're all people whatever our beliefs.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 05:18 PM

Hi Travis,

Well, people are not defined by any one characteristic or part of themselves, we're more than any one thing. This might be a really good opportunity for you to experience that, as well as being able to connect with someone that on the surface, seems very different...yet might be very compatible, too. It's a way to learn respect and tolerance..and add richness and depth to our lives... by connecting with people who do not seem so obviously like us.

Just be aware that the religion issue is a hot button for you, and that you'll need to exercise considerable respect and caution when/if it comes up. And, remember that regardless of how strongly you might feel about this or how correct you might believe your position is, it's not a good idea to impose that on someone else or make them feel badly for their beliefs.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 23rd 2012, 10:57 PM

Yeah I get the whole tolerance thing but i just don't like it when the people I love(family and non romantic as well) are kind of being deceived.
   
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Re: Religious Crush! - March 24th 2012, 01:59 AM

There's no reason this has to be a problem. I'm an atheist and my girlfriend is a christian. I don't mind and she doesn't mind. I respect that she has her own views and she does the same for me. We've talked about it before, but when it comes down to it, I don't feel like it's really a huge issue for either of us.

As long as you both respect each other, it shouldn't cause huge religious debates or arguments or that much tension. If it does, then find someone else.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 24th 2012, 08:16 AM

you seem to be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Stop with all the 'she's being deceived' stuff if you actually want a relationship with her. What if she always thought you're misguided or whatever?

You don't need to always bring it up.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 24th 2012, 05:10 PM

I can see how this could be a minor discomfort but it's certainly not a massive issue you're making it out to be. You're casting a broad net over all Christians, which applies to some but not to all. Perhaps the girl you like does fall under this net or not, either way if you like her and want to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, then look past this. If you think will be unable to look past your view of her being deceived and imposing your belief, then in all likelihood, you can kiss a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship goodbye.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 24th 2012, 06:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Applefandroid View Post
Yeah I get the whole tolerance thing but i just don't like it when the people I love(family and non romantic as well) are kind of being deceived.
Travis....

It is your opinion that she is being 'deceived'. Not hers. She's likely to feel the same about your beliefs!

As I said, we're richer as people when we have a bit of diversity in our lives, when we learn and practice tolerance and acceptance.... it reminds that underneath all the finery that makes us believe we're so totally unique, that we're also very similar, in very important ways.

Don't let your own beliefs here about something that really has very little to do with a relationship right now get in your way.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.

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Re: Religious Crush! - March 27th 2012, 01:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by leadersoftoday101 View Post
This is strictly my opinion. I am religious. A christian. I believe that the person you should be with should be of the same faith wiether you are christian or muslim. The person you date should bring you closer to god and not pull you away. It is your choice to ask her out or not. But in my opinion again people should date to just date. You should have a goal ( and no not a sexual goal ) when dating someone. Is that saying you should go and get married right way but dont just date to date. The thing is though. If she is strong in her faith she wouldnt date you if you werent of her faith. Maybe yall should start by being really good friends and see how that goes. Cause if you dont like religious debates yall would probably have quite a few. Or say if yall do date. What if she ask you to go to church with her? or to a youth meeting? or something involving her religion?
This makes no sense whatsoever.

Beyond anything, beyond being a Christian, Jew, Atheist, or Hindu, we are all human. Ever notice how all the major world religions seem to play at one thing more than other: love. Love transcends these things, and it's ignorant to assume that only loving someone who believes in your brand of mythology to be correct.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 27th 2012, 03:34 AM

Okay Travis, here's some advice from an atheist.

Personally...I wouldn't ask her out. I think you're a lot like me, and can tolerate religious people in distance, or as a friend, but I could never in a million years date somebody who was religious. Maybe slightly religious, but devout? It couldn't happen. I don't have anything against them personally, but I couldn't have a relationship with somebody of that sort. Maybe I'm just a b-word or overly realistic, but I couldn't do it, and don't think it'll work out. I think you should wait until you find somebody of closer values.


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Re: Religious Crush! - March 29th 2012, 12:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toz View Post
This makes no sense whatsoever.

Beyond anything, beyond being a Christian, Jew, Atheist, or Hindu, we are all human. Ever notice how all the major world religions seem to play at one thing more than other: love. Love transcends these things, and it's ignorant to assume that only loving someone who believes in your brand of mythology to be correct.
It's a Christian belief that Christians should only take other Christians as husbands/wives. Ergo, since dating leads to marriage (ideally in the Christian faith), Christians should only date Christians.

While in theory love should transcend all things, in practice it doesn't. There is a reason that Republicans usually marry Republicans, for example. Same reason many Christians tend to marry Christians. Same reasons your closest friends more than likely have a lot in common with you. People are attracted to what they know and are familiar with. Is that always the case? No. Sometimes, opposites do attract. But most often people seek similarity because they seek fellowship with their spouse/friends. I mean, think about it: if you are an atheist, would you marry a southern baptist christian? Probably not, because those beliefs would play an important enough part in your lives to cause rifts between you two, ESPECIALLY if children become involved.

As for the OP's advice: you are young, and religion doesn't play a super important bearing right now in relationships. If you like her, ask her out. You guys will probably have other things to do and talk about. I advise, however, to not go out with someone with the purpose of converting them. To be in a relationship expresses acceptance of the person. It's dishonest, and not true acceptance, to go into with a personal agenda.



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