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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Ellie
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Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 02:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

On Saturday, December 1st at about 3:00 pm a fight broke at my house between my parents and me. My dad went crazy to the point of wanting to open the car door with a screwdriver as well as kicking things, screaming and hurting himself against walls and sliding doors. I couldn't take the fucking nonsense anymore. I did in my room and took about [Edited] Celexas and [Edited] Ativans. I wanted to kill myself there and then. I had my bottle of Seroquel at hand and was about ready to take it but didn't. Instead I cut my arm a little and looked into space while the police and paramedics were talking to me.

I really wanted to die.

At the hospital I was told that the Seroquel could have killed me. I chickened out at my own suicide. What the fuck is wrong with me? Tonight, I don't feel like living but at the same time something is holding me up. I don't know what it is that is making me stay alive when at the moment it doesn't seem too nice to be alive.

Anyway, I was in the hospital from December 1st to December 12. I'm doing alright. I'm on new meds and what not plus taking a break from work. I really don't know why am I still alive for. I want to know why am I still living but, I don't think I want to know the answer at times.

I just wanted you all to know where I have been. Why there hasn't been any amazing poems in the Self Expression forum lately. Hope eveyone is well.

Happy Holidays!

Ellie ♥




Last edited by LlamaLlamaDuck; December 22nd 2012 at 12:05 AM. Reason: Taking out triggering details. We try to avoid medication amounts in suicide threads. :)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 03:04 AM

Sorry about what you went through. I'm glad you're ok! Welcome back! Message me if you ever need anything!
   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 03:29 AM

Thanks Michael. I'm a Patriots fan too.



   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 03:33 AM

Hey I've been through similar situations and I have an idea of what you're going through (although nobody but you can ever truly know what you're going through). I just wanted to say I'm happy you're still around, you may not know why you're still alive right now but if you stick around I'm sure you'll figure it out
You can PM me if you ever need to talk to someone, I check them every day.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 03:36 AM

Thanks Richard. Like you I suffer from Bipolar Disorder so maybe that's why you know about these feeling I am feeling.



   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 03:46 AM

Hey, Ellie! I don't think we've met. I'm Christabel and it's okay, I understand. back to TeenHelp. I'm really sorry to hear what's been going on and how you've been feeling.

Just so you'll know, if you ever need someone to talk to or someone that'll listen then feel free to E-Mail me at purplechristabel@yahoo.com or VM/PM me if you ever need a friend. Stay strong honey, you're special. <3 You can do this.

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 21st 2012, 03:57 AM

Hey Ellie,

I'm so glad you are alright! I know how it feels to just want to end it all and I hope that next time you don't risk it and come talk to one of the many members on this site or just sleep instead

Hope you are well,

Jay.


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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 22nd 2012, 03:00 AM

Hey there I am sorry you are going through so much right now, but I am glad that you are still with us try to stay strong






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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 22nd 2012, 04:41 AM

Christabel: Thanks for the reply. If I ever need you I will surely PM you.

Jay: Hey there fan! I will surely come to the site or sleep it off when I feel at risk. Then again, I can also write. I'll be writing some poetry on the Self Expression forum really soon!

Tonya: I'm trying my very best to stay strong.



   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 22nd 2012, 04:48 AM

YAY! I certainly did miss your amazing poetry and DID realise something was off, YOU WEREN'T POSTING!

Jay.


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A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 23rd 2012, 10:56 PM

Hey, I am super glad you are okay.
Please take care of yourself, if you need someone to talk to, I am always around.
   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 23rd 2012, 11:59 PM

<3 I'm so glad that you are back now! I look forward to seeing you around again. Hang in there!


   
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Re: Sorry I didn't say goodbye - December 24th 2012, 04:51 AM

Good to know. You're welcome.

~ Christabel
   
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