TeenHelp - Limiting my time here

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Limiting my time here

I'm sorry to do this again, but unexpectedly Maman has a new modelling contract. This means responsibility falls on me to be carer to my sister in preparation for our career happening in a few weeks. We'll be on our own at home, something that was unthinkable weeks before. :glare:

I wish to thank many here for their help, encouragement and support to me. I will be back, but in the meantime please take good care of yourselves.

Happy squeals and hugs,

Wendi

Re: Limiting my time here

Life always comes first, so it's understandable that you'll need to take some time to prioritise that. Good luck and take care - the site is here for if or when you need it, as are all of us :)

Re: Limiting my time here

Good luck with your new job. See you around!

Re: Limiting my time here

I wish to explain fully my reasons for taking temporary leave of Teen Help.

Though I have made a few very good friends here, I have issues of abandonment. This feeling has been exacerbated by seeing a great many "Views" by some of my posts, even the longer ones such as Narcissism as posted in the Bullying and Peer Pressure forum, but sadly no replies. This is hurtful to me.

I recognize this abandonment issue stems from a rotten childhood, and, more recently, our maman making plans to leave for Paris where she has a new modelling contract. Not having her with us means Julie and I may have a struggle. Neither of us have seen our maman much lately since Christmas. Her absence makes us feel isolated. As Monaco is such a small state, one would assume we hvae many friends, but no, not us because the people who are known to us are mega wealthy, and possess snobby attitudes. With people like them, who needs friends? :o

Therefore the sole reason why I felt the need to leave was because many of my posts have not been replied to. Many "Views", but hardly any posts. This, I felt, was cruel. And I don't know why, nor do I understand this member attitude. Just a few words would have sufficed. Instead, I feel like I am invisible here. It's made me sad. :(

On a happier note, I am preparing eventually to start my Masters. Here is info on it: http://www.ala.org/educationcareers/libcareers/become

This will be started at one of the top schools in Monaco where the State will pay for me and my twin sister's education.The reason for this is we are by birth, Monégasque. :)

At some time I will be back, but for the time being I need a break from the forum because I don't feel welcome, despite the pleasant posts members have made.

As I have already said, I and Julie have issues with abandonment. We have had sessions with a therapist, but a therapist has got to make an effort to establish a client-to-professional relationship if sessions are to work. Having been sent to 3 therapists in the past only to experience negative thinking on the part of the therapists, our opinion on them is they acted unprofessionally, and one therapist acted in such a harsh manner that Julie and I exchanged thoughts and decided to walk out.

We are knowledgeable of therapists' tools. All the more reason we are better off getting self-help literature on the subject of abandonment and working through it together. For us, this also is cheaper and a lot less stressful.

So, this is what I am suggesting: While I am only too happy in being supportive to members here, if I write a good post that has a decent amount of quality content, it would be appreciated to make some sort of postal response. To not do so and leave my posts unanswered, and I will remain scarce on the forums. Just a few words of appreciation go a long, long way to making me feel appreciated and welcome.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable, because the "Views" never lie.

So, I will post as and when I can, interesting content. If responses are made, then I will appreciate it and consider staying.

I speak as I find.

And one day wouldn't it be wonderful if Teen Help gets a greater presence on Google so that people reading about our fantastic forum and its super resources - can join during 2021? Hell yeah! :D

Thank you for listening.

Kindest regards to everyone :)

Wendi

Re: Limiting my time here

Firstly, I hope my response doesn't cause any offence. I'm writing this to help you (and perhaps any other forum visitors) understand and hopefully it'll help put your mind at ease in a few ways.

There are a few reasons why people don't necessarily reply to your posts. One of which is the pandemic. Many are so caught up in their own lives and life-stressors that they only have a certain amount of energy to expend. As horrible as it sounds, sometimes they just don't have the energy to read a post and formulate a reply. It might sound like a simple act, but when someone has so much going on and/or has very little time to spare, some members may pick and choose what reads they read/reply to very carefully.

Another reason, and this one is extremely common, is that members may not know how to reply. You have made some extremely good posts. There's no doubt about it. They have been noticed and read. However, not everyone knows how to reply. Everyone comes here with their own levels of knowledge and experience. This means that someone who reads your thread may, again, have read it, but not know how to even comfort you or formulate a reply. Some members dislike formulating replies for fear of how they may come across.

I speak from both observation and my years of experience on Teen Help when I say this... and I understand this isn't one you may like. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the length of the post/thread that puts people off reading/replying. For example, I've made dozens of threads on this forum, they're mixed in subject. Some of them are casual threads, some of them are me asking for advice, some are me writing hefty complaints because I need to get something off my chest. The threads with less content in them, regardless of what that content is, yield more replies than one that looks like I wrote an essay (because I have been known to write a great deal like that :nosweat: ). There are mixed reasons why my longer threads receive little/no replies. People have no idea how to help me so say nothing at all. People want to help but are too busy to formulate a suitable reply. People don't want to make a reply. People see how long my thread is and go 'welp!' and click off.

Teen Help has a very unique forum culture. Everybody comes here for the same thing - to get help. In comparison to who who come here to get help, those who are willing to give back and post replies, however harsh it may sound, is far lower. In all my time here, I have seen many members come and go from this forum. They ask for help but they do not stay once they receive the information they have received. It sounds horrible, and maybe it is. But this forum is for just that. To give help and support to those who need it, even if they're just passers-by. However, this isn't to say all Teen Help members never stay. This is why staff exist. :) Staff are members of Teen Help who have enjoyed the forum culture so much that they chose to stay, and give back to the site because it has helped them in a very specific way. It's also why I too, have stayed.

Finally, unfortunately the 'views' of this site do lie. A guest can view your threads as many times as they wish and it not be counted. As I have done. I assure you I have read many of your threads. However, I have either chosen not to log in, or more commonly, I browse in Invisible Mode. Perhaps it's a bug, or it's intentional. I don't know. It's similar to when visiting a person's profile. Given that I browse the forums in Invisible Mode, my name does not appear in a person's 'visitor' list.

Re: Limiting my time here

Thank you Sarah for writing so compassionately; factually, too.

It never occurred to me that the pandemic may have affected people's posting, but there is a very definite fear among the older ones, even the younger who have underlying medical health problems exacerbated by increased mental anxiety caused by media sensationalism unfair to all and sundry. People being reticent in posting could be for the pandemic reasons alone, and their mental health issues have increased.

it also occurred to me during your reply that you are correct: people simply don't know what or how to reply. I never thought of that.

I used to belong to a London-based mental health charity that involved itself with the Royal Princes' 'Heads Together' charity, but since Harry absconded the Royal Family to another country, this organization folded. The support forum 1-2-1 ceased using me, so I resigned and also a Wellness site based in California. Then I happened upon Teen Help and, well, here I am.

There was much you wrote about that will provide me with deeper thought, and I thank you.

I also for personal reason choose like yourself to browse the forums in Invisible Mode. For me it helps lower any anxiety that bubbles up, for at one time I never acknowledged having anxiety, so being invisible when browsing has, in fact, been a great help.

Kindest regards,

Wendi

Re: Limiting my time here

Good luck with everything. :)

Re: Limiting my time here

Thanks, Flight.

Just doing chores while Maman's swanned off. I'll be here when I can.