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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ThePunkAlien Offline
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Name: Josh
Age: 32
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Join Date: January 5th 2009

Arrow I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 03:04 AM

I figured I'd post a thread here, seemed like the best fit. My old username used to be TroubledJosh - then Josh - now, more accurately, the Punk Alien.

I'm running away to Los Angeles in three months. I've gone through a major breakdown for the last eight months of my life after my cousin died and a disastrous relationship with a girl who left me broken on the side of the road with a bottle of liquor by my side. She also broke my wall concerning being adopted and my biological parents which seriously killed my whole vision of reality.

Fought my biological father and drank away my pains, fell into a severe depression because everywhere in California reminded me of home (has the same vibes of pictures of the country I come from). Thus, it was everywhere I turned and I was fighting it. Returned home and seriously contemplated suicide more seriously than ever before.

After that my adoptive mother spoke out against my biological parents. Felt like I was nothing more than a mistake, a by-product being used and manipulated by my adoptive parents as their robot boy. First started giving into the term 'punk alien' - standing for son of my biological parents. I fell into drugs and drinking. A friend had to come down for an intervention.

Remained numb for couple months after that. Over Christmas break I was beginning to become my own worst enemy, felt like there was no escape again. But, this time I decided - I could either fight it or stay in hell. Decided to start just being myself and see what happens... completely gave in to the punk alien persona that was there my whole life, just without biological parents angle.

Finally got attention from girls, girls hitting on me, paying attention to me over just a couple of weeks. One girl that I was terrified of trying to start things over again with (long distance) responded to a PM I was able to send finally with the motto "whatever happens, happens - fuck it." Just one week in college and I can already see things changing for the better as the punk alien. Giving more and more into just being myself, which is surprising and beyond cool.

This is who I am. Angry at the world we inherited. Angry at the broken home situations. But, stop whining and FIGHT!!! Kind of look like a cross between Green Day and Sum 41. I'm different, I'm bi, I come from a broken past, I was invisible in high school - but, whatever... "whatever happens, happens - FUCK IT!"

- The Punk Alien

Last edited by ThePunkAlien; February 2nd 2010 at 03:28 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
I've been here a while
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 04:39 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a hard time lately. It sounds so complicated. Just remember that you are strong enough to pull through this...you will get better. Just keep holding on.

I'm glad that you found your way back to us. We're all here for you.

Take care, and PM me if you ever need to talk.

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
MegaMadness Offline
Fight My Llama
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 05:18 AM

Hey there! I'm Megan.
It's great to see you back.
Take care and feel free to PM/VM me anytime if ever need anything.

Come on boys, come on girls
In this crazy, crazy world
Youíre the diamonds, youíre the pearls
Letís make a new tomorrow
Come on girls, come on boys
Itís your future, itís your choice
And your weapon is your voice
Letís make a new tomorrow
follow me please. I'll follow back. http://photographicjournal.tumblr.com/
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
.Brittany. Offline
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 03:02 PM

Hey Josh,

I hope you take care of yourself, PM me if you need anything at all


ďYou are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.Ē

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Whisperer Offline
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 04:16 PM

Wow Josh,
That is quite an amazing story. I'm glad to hear that things are working out for the better though. Now, you'll reflect on your past and be able to say "I got through this tough time when I had lost all hope" You'll be able to use your experience to help others. I believe that just being yourself was the answer to everything you have been through. That's why that is my motto and what I live by. (see signature ) Your story is such a great example of it. Use all that energy you have left and keep on fighting because when day, you won't need to. One thing will just happen, everything will fall into place, and you'll realize you are no longer fighting, you are living.
If you ever need to talk, I'm always open,

Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Stardaze Offline
Hopeless Love
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 04:32 PM

Welcome Back Josh.

  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Briana Offline
A strong fighter
I can't get enough
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 2nd 2010, 05:43 PM

Hey Josh! Welcome back to TeenHelp! If you need anything, weare always here to help!

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"In that moment, I swear, we were Infinite."
"There's an I in Illness
and a We in Wellness."
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
hopefaithlove Offline
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 3rd 2010, 01:06 AM

I'm sorry things are so rough for you at the moment, but welcome back.

There is always hope. PM me anytime.
SH Free since 10.20.08
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
ThePunkAlien Offline
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Re: I'm new and not new - February 3rd 2010, 02:59 AM

Thanks for the posts, but also to clarify... the last eight months were hell, even though it's still a fight. These last two weeks have been among the best ever in my life, finally having confidence and keeping at it although I'm afraid it'll all fade away. Just have to push myself to being out there more, but I think I can finally beat social anxiety disorder and this is definitely how. The new creed. The "new" me (parenthesis because it's always been me inside, just not used to having that on the outside without the 'mask'). The new motto, "whatever happens - happens - fuck it!" is helping a lot: I don't care what people think, I don't care what people say, I just don't fucking care. I'm going to be myself instead of forever worrying what the next man thinks of me and that's making me take more risks than I ever would have before.
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