Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!
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Member
Not a n00b
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Name: Ryan (Alfred)
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Location: Wherever my laptop and quiet are found
Posts: 89
Join Date: December 13th 2011
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The Rose And the Lily (Poem) -
July 17th 2012, 04:51 AM
Hey guys, here's a sonnet I just finished writing about 10 minutes ago at work. The pattern is ABAA, obviously. And for anyone who doesn't know, a sonnet is a poem with 3 quatrains, and a couplet. I appreciate criticism, so criticize away please.
I walked along a country road
With a wind that kissed my face;
And there in place stood a lovely rose
Whose form looked like a model's pose.
This rose's beauty caught my stare;
I smiled and she smiled back,
Then crossed the plain to over where
She stood with flowing crimson hair.
She looked at me with sorry eyes
And said we'd never be,
So I took her hands and with a sigh
I kissed her vines and said goodbye.
It's all my fault, I was being silly,
A rose would never love a lily.
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what the hell is a FixYou♥
I've been here a while
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Name: taylor
Age: 26
Location: nashville
Posts: 1,647
Points: 32,370, Level: 25 |
Join Date: April 15th 2012
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Re: The Rose And the Lily (Poem) -
July 17th 2012, 05:31 PM
this is absolutely beautiful <3 i truly deeply in every way love how you wrote this. keep writing!
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a secret you can keep
I can't get enough
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Name: Samuel
Gender: ~no~ (they/them)
Location: Anywherebuthere
Posts: 2,607
Points: 35,189, Level: 27 |
Join Date: August 24th 2009
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Re: The Rose And the Lily (Poem) -
July 20th 2012, 10:07 PM
thats aweosme Ryan  so pretty 
formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons, Aunt Barb, Pi, Grandma ♥ The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is: You no longer walk alone. -Blake Bliss
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Used to be Don'tForget
I can't get enough
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Name: Dionna
Age: 25
Gender: Agender
Location: Oregon
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Points: 28,923, Level: 24 |
Join Date: March 13th 2011
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Re: The Rose And the Lily (Poem) -
July 21st 2012, 05:59 PM
Wow this is a really good poem. Keep writing! 
From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said, "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
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Happiness is waiting for you<3
Experienced TeenHelper
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Name: Paula
Age: 26
Gender: Girl :3
Location: In my own world.
Posts: 525
Points: 11,886, Level: 15 |
Join Date: June 1st 2012
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Re: The Rose And the Lily (Poem) -
July 23rd 2012, 12:18 AM
Ryan,
I really like how you captured the emotion while at the same time painting a picture for us.
Thank you for sharing such a great sonnet,
and please keep writing.
~paula
If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it. "May the odds be ever in your favour" "A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night." Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
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Member
Outside, huh?
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Name: Cathy
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: USA
Posts: 3,720
Points: 43,443, Level: 29 |
Join Date: January 16th 2012
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Re: The Rose And the Lily (Poem) -
July 23rd 2012, 04:41 PM
This is really good and beautiful!
Member Since 1/15/2012
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