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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
mindflower Offline
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Cigarettes - December 13th 2013, 04:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

What am I but second to his flawless cigarettes,
He's blowing out the smoke as I am sucking in regrets,
This space between our bodies is as dark as darkness is,
And I'm feeling more of demon's love than I am feeling his.
I'm raindrops on his lighter, but I dry all of his tears,
I'm the holder of his pain, for the next two thousand years,
I'm sucking in the smoke, and he's smiling silver screams,
Maybe I am nothing to his grey disastrous dreams.
I'm princess in this story, but I'm fighting all the shit,
He loves this castle on the ground, but he's too high to admit,
So draw your sword, light the torch, I'll see the grey flag wave,
The demon has me captive, but the cigarettes he'll save.
I'm sucking in his dragons and he's lit his third distress,
What am I but nothing to his precious cigarettes,
What is love but ashes, what is light but death,
What is love to him, when I'm taking my last breath.



I'm thinking about changing the name of this, I had a lot of ideas but really, writing this at all was hard for me. Its about my boyfriend, he smokes, and yeah, the poem kinda does the talking. He loves drugs more than me. Sorry about my crappy writing.... Love you all
   
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Cigarettes - December 13th 2013, 04:14 PM

I like the name, as well as the work itself!


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Cigarettes - December 13th 2013, 08:31 PM

I love it!
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Cigarettes - December 13th 2013, 09:27 PM

Thanks Dez and Fallon, means a lot to me
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 13th 2013, 10:11 PM

Amazing as always . I loved this.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
mindflower Offline
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Re: Cigarettes - December 14th 2013, 01:07 AM

Thanks Jenna
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 14th 2013, 01:56 PM

This is really good, I look forward to reading more of your work


I'm here if anyone wants to talk, I'm always here. Feel free to VM or PM me
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Cigarettes - December 14th 2013, 07:50 PM

Thanks so much Jenny
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 15th 2013, 12:34 AM

I really like this!


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 15th 2013, 02:55 AM

Tay! I absolutely love your work. The first two lines in this poem draw you in. Beautiful job.


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They whispered to her
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she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 15th 2013, 03:02 AM

Aww thanks guys
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 15th 2013, 11:11 PM

this is amazing


Delete this account
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 16th 2013, 05:00 AM

As always, this was amazing. The rhythm, the imagery, it was all perfect.


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Re: Cigarettes - December 16th 2013, 09:31 AM

This is great, amazing work Tay!


PM/VM Me if you need any sort of help, I welcome ANYONE who wants to talk.



"In case you didn't know, dead people don't bleed. If you can bleed, see it, feel it, then you know you're alive. It's irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 18th 2013, 04:55 AM

This is really good, Tay!
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 18th 2013, 03:17 PM

You guys are all so sweet
   
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Re: Cigarettes - December 19th 2013, 04:08 AM

Tay, I definitely don't think that is "crappy writing". It explains your feelings about the situation so well, and I think it is an excellent piece of work.


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