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Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Not a n00b
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Name: Bree
Age: 22
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Join Date: September 16th 2012

As She Expected - February 22nd 2014, 04:07 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is something else I have written. It's more complicated than my other poem...I don't know how to describe this poem or what I did with it or if there is a name for the method I used, I have no clue so if you know what I did with this please tell me. I just kinda made it up because it fit. So here is how the poem works, you read the whole thing normally, but there is a paragraph that is numbered with 1 and 2. When you get to that paragraph, you need to read that paragraph 3 times. First you read all the ones, then all the twos, and then you read the whole paragraph normally and read the rest of the poem normally. It's a little tricky but I feel it enhances the poem once you know how to read it. But let me know what you think, it is still pretty amateur FYI.

As She Expected

Scarlet tears run down her arms
She waits, but nothing
No release, no peace, as she expected
No sound of alarm
Hear me! She cried, hear me!

But nothing happened
Her numbing wall of depression deserted her
Along with them.
She has nothing
Nothing but spoiled promises and broken expectations
Hear me! She cries, Hear me!

There was a pool of pain waiting at her feet
It screamed out for help
She waits, but nothing
No release, no peace, as she expected
No sound of alarm
Help me! She cried, Help me!

White rage flooded her mind
She lashed out at them
Her back was turned
She's all alone
Leave me, she whispered, Leave me

Denying the pain, throat exposed
They took advantage, fangs bared!
Stabbing the blade in her back!
As she turned around, they hide
They give her treats, as if it heals!
As if it mends the spoiled promises!
As if it heals her broken dreams...
Leave me, she whispers.
Leave me.

1. She knows it's hopeless
2. No release
1. She can't fix it
2. No peace
1. She wants to
2. No sound of alarm
1. But she can't
1. No one listened no one HEARDher
2. No one listened no one HEARD her
1. And if they did
2. No one cared no one HELPED her
1. She realized that
2. As she told them to leave
1. No one cared
2. They left her

Scarlet tears run down her temple
She didn't wait.
Her cold body on the floor
Cold death in her hand
The blast of powder and metal roared
They left her
They left her.

If it is meant to be, it will be.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Azure. Offline
Filling My Panties.
I can't get enough
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Re: As She Expected - February 22nd 2014, 05:01 PM

This is really powerful and definitely tells a story . Thanks for sharing!

Find your light in a new dawn.

  (#3 (permalink)) Old
I can't get enough
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Name: Rachell
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: With God on the corner of First and Amistad

Posts: 2,687
Join Date: July 22nd 2011

Re: As She Expected - February 22nd 2014, 07:01 PM

This is truly amazing! There is so much power, emotion, and creativity in this piece. I fell in love just by reading this first line. This is pure talent! Wonderful job!

~I was always scared of everything, even the carousel.~

~Don't worry about me. I'm sort of feeling fine, but by tomorrow, I'll be back on my feet again.~

-Goodnight Tonight
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Wheek! Offline
Eat, sleep, repeat!

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Re: As She Expected - February 22nd 2014, 07:24 PM

This is really well written, I love what you did with this!

  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: As She Expected - February 22nd 2014, 08:30 PM

Extremely well written and tells a story. I like it!
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