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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
HeathenMaiden Offline
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So ice I became. - May 1st 2014, 04:06 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It was not in love that I was created.
I was deemed
a mistake
Disposable
"Unable to afford"
The appointment was made
My death was planned
And I was to never exist.
But then, a miracle.

The doctor who was to annihilate me
Died.
A fatal stroke
Twenty-four hours before my scheduled demise.
She wept, my mother. Tears of relief.
A chance for me to live presented itself
And she took it.

That was not the end dear reader,
No.
First the car accident.
I wasn't supposed to live.
My mother, her hip broken,
Before being taken into surgery
Signed forms through streaming eyes
That if I did not live
No lawsuits. No action was to be taken.
I was not expected to survive.
Surgery came.
They repaired her broken body
And finally turned their attention
To me
The six month fetus in my mother's womb.
To their shock
I was unharmed.
Perfectly healthy
Interacting with the surgeons.

She asked for me at once, my mother
Upon awakening.
Tears fell again
This time of joy
I, who had defied death not once,
But twice
Was going to live.

My entrance into the world was
Difficult
Arduous
But I arrived.
She gave me my name
The meanings being
"Pure Beauty"
"Defender of Mankind"

I was a difficult infant
Demanding my space
Uncomfortable with to much physical contact
My mother wept
She loved me and could not understand

The sleepless nights took their toll
My father, resentful of my constant wailing
Never forgot
And his memory and frustration
With me
Carried over into my adolescence.

How he loathed me.
Despised my
Intelligence
Wit
Cunning
"Unnatural silence"
I was still the thing
That he never wanted.
Every day
He made certain I knew his hatred of myself.
The verbal abuse
Turned into emotional abuse
To physical abuse.
Any mistake I made
He pointed out with malicious glee
And I was whipped with the belt
"To learn my lesson"

I willingly stayed his punching bag
To defend my mother and
My mentally handicapped sister
From this abuse.
She defended me, my mother,
But even she wasn't around all the time.

His hatred for me grew
As I learned to defend myself.
I became living ice.
Cold.
Calculated.
Controlled.
My emotions I kept on a strict leash.
In silence I endured.
And so the ice spread.

One day it changed.
One day
He insulted the one thing I prized
Held dear.
"Stupid girl".
Two words.
My control shattered.
The ice became an avalanche.
My intelligence
The one thing I prized about myself
Insulted.

I learned to fight back
With scathing words
Hard
Unavoidable
Truths.

To this day he still despises me.
Now I am an adult.
I am a survivor.
Living ice.
Controlled.
Calculated.
Hard.

I was not created in love.
So ice I became.


➳ Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you ➳
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Beautiful_Mess Offline
Trying to figure my life out..
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Re: So ice I became. - May 1st 2014, 04:15 PM

I like this, it has a lot of emotion in it.







Waiting is a sign of true love and patience,anyone can say "I love you" But not everyone can wait and prove it's true.

Some say it's painful to wait for someone,Some say it's painful to forget someone,But the worst pain comes when you don't know whether to wait or forget.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount12
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Re: So ice I became. - May 2nd 2014, 12:13 AM

This is amazingly powerful. Wow.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Azure. Offline
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Re: So ice I became. - May 2nd 2014, 12:15 AM

This was amazing! It really had me reading to the very end. You should share more of your writing!


vm-pm
♥♥♥
Find your light in a new dawn.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Hypothesis. Offline
Not significant.

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Re: So ice I became. - May 2nd 2014, 01:47 AM

This kept me interested all the way through for sure!


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
sunflower Offline
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Re: So ice I became. - May 2nd 2014, 03:42 AM

This is soul-gripping. These words come to life.
   
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