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IH8U2 Offline
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Untitled verse from over a year ago - July 27th 2014, 07:47 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

First 5 lines aren't very good. The rest is okay IMO. What do you think?

I'm well immersed in acapella versions
As a fella cursing his felt desertion
There's no health insurance reserved for this unwelcomed person
I'm helpless, thirsting for someone else's nursing
For my health will worsen when the silence of my stealth's a cursing
There's no posthomous acknowledgment
Imbedded in the white cement's a legacy that's flawed in print
My senses went with its emission of deadly scents
My identity's not evident
I'm just dead, not seanced
This medicine cures any resemblance of remembrance
Of the plots buried beneath that my head was in
This painting isn't worth a single word to describe it
Any wordiness observed is reversed to deny it
These words of anonymity are spoken in low frequency
If they go speak of me, there's no decency
Words are louder than actions
Nothing's written by the hand
"Someone else" severed my wrist on my command...
   
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Hypothesis. Offline
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Re: Untitled verse from over a year ago - July 27th 2014, 06:56 PM

You use a really good vocabulary for sure, but it adds to it.


   
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Re: Untitled verse from over a year ago - July 29th 2014, 02:47 AM

This is really interesting! Your writing style is awesome and I love your use of rhyme and rhythm. Great work!


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Re: Untitled verse from over a year ago - July 29th 2014, 04:57 AM

I thought this was written really well. Thank you for sharing.


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