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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Mikeeeybee Offline
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Name: Michael
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This one's for you - January 17th 2015, 10:38 PM

I know that you're lonely
'Cos the nights are still long
And the words and the tune they're sounding all wrong

I know that you're scared
'Cos you can't see the end
And the bottle and blades are your only friend

I know that you're tired
'Cos sleep just won't come
And you can't help but think you're the only one

I know that your wary
'Cos the battle's not won
And you're shivering in the shade of your once burning sun

I can't change your future and I can't change your past
I can't paint on a smile or take off your mask
And I'll lie or be truthful, depends what you ask

But I'll never leave you, I promise that, dear
If it wasn't for you would I still be here?
Would the sun still burn my skin, would the music be as clear?

I'll be on your doorstep and at the end of the phone
If you say you won't leave me you won't be on your own
I'll love you forever if I love at all
Just open the door and return my call


And if you're scared of the future tonight, we'll just take it each hour one at a time

Last edited by Mikeeeybee; January 18th 2015 at 11:10 PM. Reason: Removed one word for effect
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This one's for you - January 17th 2015, 11:13 PM

This is really good!




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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Spoons Offline
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Re: This one's for you - January 18th 2015, 12:53 AM

I like the lines you started with "I know that you're..."


   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Chai. Offline
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Re: This one's for you - January 18th 2015, 12:57 AM

I really liked this!


"Being happy isn't about having everything in your life perfect. Maybe it is about stringing together all the little things."

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
KimmyKitty Offline
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Re: This one's for you - January 18th 2015, 12:57 AM

Good job!


SKITTLIFY!


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
screaming at the sky

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Re: This one's for you - January 18th 2015, 03:37 AM

I love this, especially the fourth stanza! It's beautifully written and I can't wait to see more from you.


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They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Lexify. Offline
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Re: This one's for you - January 18th 2015, 04:53 AM

This is written beautifully and I loved it!
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Horsefeathers. Offline
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Re: This one's for you - January 18th 2015, 04:56 AM

I really liked how the first four stanzas had the same kind of structure, which then melted into something different and ended with a longer stanza. This was so heartfelt and well written; I really enjoyed it, and I hope you decide to post more in SE.


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with pace & a fury defiant.

   
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