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Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!

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Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 10th 2015, 05:49 AM

I just finished these lyrics and I want to know what you guys think about it or have questions, or any suggestions. They are copyrighted on wattpad so please do not steal. Here they are:

[u]on the outside[/U

At times I'm all alone
I try to make it on my own
But fall in water too deep
Far beyond where I could reach

What should I do when I start to slip away
From everyone in this strange world today

(Chorus) I'm on the outside
Of the people who smile all day long
How could I be so wrong
Because I don't have to be this alone
But still I'm on the outside

She used to be my friend
That would always help me mend
But we had drifted apart
Now it's just the way we are

What should I do when I start to slip away
From everyone in this strange world today
(Repeat chorus)

I still have a question I ask myself
Why don't I try to fit into place
Because this could be all my fault
It's like a long uphill race
That feels impossible to win
It's a twisted trap I'm stuck in
(Instrumental)

I don't care to be popular
Be I don't want to be alone
Or fall in water too deep
But I can't make it on my own
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Copyrighted 2015 (c) all rights reserved
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I'd love to know if you guys have any questions about this song or if you don't know what I'm trying to say in the song. It would help me edit it and perfect it so I can finish writing the music as well. Thank you!
   
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Re: Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 10th 2015, 06:12 AM

I moved this over to Self Expression because I think it fits better here.
This is really well written, you did a great job of putting a lot of meaning in these words while also managing to create a rhyme scheme. You should be really proud of yourself!


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Re: Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 11th 2015, 04:53 AM

This is awesome, you did a great job with this. Please post more of your lyrics!


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Re: Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 11th 2015, 05:13 AM

Aww thank you guys. I will definitely post more of my lyrics. (Okay ya I agree that it fits better in self expression).
   
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Re: Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 11th 2015, 10:42 PM

I agree, post more! I don't have any suggestions but it is great!


   
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Re: Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 12th 2015, 02:37 PM

This is really great! I agree with what's been said above, post more please.


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Re: Lyrics I wrote. Any suggestions? - August 19th 2015, 06:55 AM

I agree! This is really nicely written and I would love to see more of your lyrics. Are you planning on putting these lyrics to music and recording it?
   
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