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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lil'OrphanAnnie Offline
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my FIRST story. Feedback please. - June 6th 2009, 10:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My name is rose. I have borderline personality disorder. I also have a history of self harm and and Eating Disorder. Ive been
cutting since i was in 8th grade. It felt so good and it got rid of the depression for a temporary while. I mostly did it for
attention. I stopped for a while, but when i got to high school, everything went downhill from there. I cut daily, and one day i got
caught cutting in the girls bathroom, thats why i left school. So I changed high schools, and thats where i developed and
overeating disorder. I finally got my GED. This is the story about the last 2 years of my life so far. And the hell ive been through

Chapter 1: The doctors visit.
I was sitting in the chair looking over at the doctor. I was very nervous about what he was going to say to her. I had long brown
hair, and dark brown eyes. The doctor was very handsome and tall with blonde hair and blue
eyes. He looked over at her very sweetly, and smiled. "why dont we get started".
Dr:"why are you here today?"
Me:"im here because i need a phychatrist and need medication."
Dr: "okay. I see here that your previous shrink said you were BPD (borderline personality disorder). How do you feel about that?"
Me: "I dont really know what that is"
Dr: "Well Borderline is intense mood swings, impulsive behavior, and unstable relationships. Does that sound right?"
I nods my head. I am feeling a bit better by now and is ready to open up.
The doctor is looking over the chart. He has a concerned look on his face. "it says here you were molested in first grade?" I
nod silently. "im not ready to talk about that right now." He says its okay. He askes more questions.
Dr:"How do you feel right now?"
Me:"I feel like im not going to be okay. Im hearing voices and seeing things.
Dr:"Well I think you are going to be okay. Let me give you your perscription."
He scribbles some meds on a piece of paper and hands it to me. "Take these once a day and come back next week to see me."
I walk out of his office feeling for once, like there is hope for me.

Chapter 2: At home.
I got home and found my mom and dad arguing again. I was already ready to explode from the car ride home, but now i was on
the verge of screaming. "What are you two fighting about this time?" My mom told me that dad was being an ass about how she
was on the computer so much. I sighed and walked to my room.
My room is purple with a blue ceiling with some white clouds on it. I LOVE my room, its my sanctuary. I share my bed with my
boyfriend of 3 years brian. He is tall and overweight., but he is the greatest guy i could ask for. He has black hair and blue eyes.
He has Bipolar number 2. He understands me and i am so happy i have him. He is always by my side.
I lay down on my bed and close my eyes. I start to hear the voices and its pissing me off. I roll over and grab my ipod, and crank
it up full blast. I was feeling very depressed and wanting to hurt myself to make the voices to go away. I have a history of self
harm, dating back to 8th grade. I sigh and curl up in a ball. The voices start shouting at me : DIE DIE DIE!!! YOUR NOT WORTH IT!
EVERYONE HATES YOU!!!. I start to cry.
I reach for my blade by the side of my bed and put it against my skin. I take a deep breath and bring the blade against my skin.
A trcikle of blood comes in a neat line. I feel so much better. I roll over and go to sleep.


Feedback would be great, this is my first story.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
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Re: my FIRST story. Feedback please. - June 6th 2009, 10:36 PM

Its pretty good. Much better than what I could have done. Id be interested in reading more please


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
icecold Offline
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Re: my FIRST story. Feedback please. - June 10th 2009, 03:37 PM

very intresting, i would aslo be intrested to read more.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Lil'OrphanAnnie Offline
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Re: my FIRST story. Feedback please. - June 13th 2009, 11:48 PM

Chapter 3: the next day
I wake up in a blur. Feeling severe pain in my wrist. I look down and all the memories of the night before come flooding back. I sigh and go get breakfast.
Later that day
I am at my day program. We have groups from 9:30 till 3:00pm. It can get very intense, and today is one of those days. I listen to everyones problems, and i can relate to it, but its bringing back memories. I try and shut them out but its no use, they come. I sit there in a trance as I start to have flashbacks. I was molested in first grade, and all of the sudden im there again. Im a terrified little girl again, saying "no" but he doesnt listen, and it feels so real. Suddenly im jerked out of my flashback and the counceler called on me. She askes if im allright. I lie and say yes. I still cant shake the feeling of the flashback. I NEED TO CUT i thought to myself. But i will wait till lunch.
At lunch.
I tell my friends from group, that i will catch up with them later. They all look at me concerned. Im never one to pass up lunch. I reasure them that im fine and they go. I rush to the bathroom, and then take out my clicker. I take a deep breath and exhale as the needle is on my skin. It feel so much better than feeling the emotional pain. As i pull my sleeve down i think:" i really need help."

Chapter 4: After group
My wrist is throbbing, my head aching. Im feeling like crap because of what i did. I am very sleepy by this time, and lightly doze in the van. When i get home, i run right to my room and dont say hello to anyone. I need to put some neosporin on my cut. I look down and see that the cut isnt so bad, at least not as bad as i thought it was. I get very nervous all the sudden, because i see my therepist and i know he wont be happy. I start to panic, and grab the knife from its hiding spot. I cut and cut and cut until its really bleeding. I feel so good, its a rush. All the sudden there is a knock on the door. I jump and put the knife back and cover my fresh cut with my sleeve. "come in! i call."
"are you okay? my dad asks I just sit there and nod, hoping he will leave soon. I put on a fake smile and say: "yeah im just tired from group. He nods and closes the door. I sit there thinking:"that was a close call."


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
ieatpeople Offline
Teehee..i eat cheeks first...
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Re: my FIRST story. Feedback please. - June 18th 2009, 03:22 PM

kinda monologue-y but good
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Markteenhelp Offline
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Re: my FIRST story. Feedback please. - June 19th 2009, 04:03 AM

wow so sad but kinda nice to be abke to relate. Im sorry for all that youve dealt with.


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