Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives    The Holiday Resource

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hero_Of_Blade Offline
Flawed Shadow
Average Joe
Hero_Of_Blade's Avatar
Name: Autumn
Age: 29
Gender: female
Location: Between the shades of black and white

Posts: 101
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Talking Fiction Development (criticism expected) - January 23rd 2009, 05:16 PM

Okay before I post this I want to say two things.
One is that this is just the somewhat developed idea, I'm looking for criticism and opinions, not doomsay or downrating.

Secondly, I can't decide on a title, either :
Trial Of The Crucible
A reaction Of(or To I'm unsure) Power

Now here's the general idea. (I've not started character development, or setting development, this seems like mainly plot development)

Untitled (for now)
Main character is a goddess a daughter of two god/desses*
(*gods arenít higher beings, they are evolved specimens of different races(human, aquarian,etc etc)
Banished because it is illegal for two god/desses to have a child (something to do with the genetic power that they would have) (although there is more to it that that - see later in development)

Due to be banished the main character suffers many character and mental flaws due to being a higher conciousness stuck in a lower beings body. It causes an imbalance in the DNA and with many other hormones and necessary functions.
For a long time she seems like every other normal mentally ill person til her powers begin to develop (around the age of 15/16) as people begin to realise how dangerous she is they call for the government of the world to lock her up for the safety of their race.
Meanwhile the council of the gods meet, a secret organisation of the most powerful, they watch over the girls development and whisper dark secrets.
Truth is they had planned all of this, millenia ago they were the first gods, and the most powerful because they evolved straight from their beginner races. They think that a god forced into a lesser environment will develop to be a great god/dess and they believe that they need a new leader, they are going beind the very First gods back to try and overthrow him. (development to come)

Meanwhile on the planet that the young goddess is on she is forced to flee into the wilderness where there are things that are dangerous live (demons? Feral humans? More ideas to come) after some plot building, and character developments she manages to marshal the wilderness beings in a revolution against the Ďmainí beings of this planet.
It turns out that the main race(or people) of the planet took what they wanted from the wilderness beings and then began to spur legends about how they were savage and dangerous when in fact most of the modern technology and medicine came from the wilderness beings ancestors and they had an incredible talent (genetic memory) that allowed them to continually develop of technology and further it beyond the current main peopleís imagination,.

So the young goddess decides to help them, but first she must train. There happens to be another banished god on this planet, he was banished because he practiced reviving the dead, he was a necromancer at the very least. But he knew a lot about the powers of the gods, and there was a lot he knew that the gods above did not. #9cont5inue character development while the plot for the council of gods continues)

The council have met again, and are shocked to find the youn goddess under the tutealage f the most intelligent god they ever had. He was banished because he found a way to develop gods power but at a price. The price was too large to allow him to continue his somewhat sick experiments so he was banished.(develop or change?)

Back on the planet the Necromancer god has decided to teach the girl free of any charge, or catch. He is a tired old man who wants to pass on his knowledge before he dies (yes gods die, but It takes them thousands upon thousands of years, or excessive use of their powers) and he can see the potential in this young girl, but she has to release her true form from her human shell before she can learn to harness her powers (up until now they have been emotionally controlled - leave hints but donít make obvious until this point in the story)

The young goddess is sent deeper into the wilderness which doesnít seem like a wilderness at all more like a cross between nature and science (the wilderness people use living things to create technologies far in advance of computers and other things that use electricity or non living materials) to a cave known as the Crucible of Ages. In the early days of the God/desses this cavernous inverted tower was used to unlock the full potential of the young gods and goddesses. Some died (gods arenít immortal or invulnerable or invincible, it just takes a hell of a lot to kill them [N.B. even bacteria can evolve to a godlike level])

This inverted tower has been long forgotten by the gods and is now full of even more dangerous things, demons that are born from shadows, viruses that have grown into a mockery of a living thing (basically they look like living things but are horribly mutated due to their viral nature) rock formations that are actually alive, the living dead amongst other things that are just as dangerous, traps, puzzles etc. Basically the Crucible of Ages is now far more formidable than it ever was.

The crucible takes the young goddess two years to complete (or should it be less?) meanwhile the council of gods have slowly taken over the Realm of the gods, and the planet the young goddess is on is beginning to be over run by the main people, and the wilderness people are being pushed farther back towards a sea composed mainly of various types of acid.
Just when it looks to be the end of the wilderness people the young goddess appears from the crucible, and makes easy work of subduing the main people. She doesnít kill a single person. Some of the older people realise who the girl is, the one they had chased from their homes and towns. The girl that promised to kill them all one day, so why wasnít she?

The crucible teaches more than just the power to use abilities, but it teaches the young godlings to think for themselves and to decide what the best course of action is. It basically teaches them a type of philosophy long forgotten by everyone. And she has decided not to kill a single person unless there is no other way around it.
Now she is 18, one of the most powerful beings in all realms, and the people of the planet she resides on recognise her as being a goddess, but what now? (end book or continue onto the realm of the gods?)

N.B. Excuse the spelling mistakes, my computer has a habit of doing this weird thing when I try to retype a mistake it types over something else. So I've left the mistakes as they are because some of them are also because I'm not very good at grammar.
  Send a message via MSN to Hero_Of_Blade  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
devs711 Offline
Average Joe
devs711's Avatar
Age: 28

Posts: 116
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Fiction Development (criticism expected) - January 25th 2009, 01:58 PM

Great start, but I have a few criticisms to help you out.

1)I feel like you can't decide whether this is to be Sci/Fi or Fantasy. In ways the supernatural are that way because of genetic things (sci/fi and a very cool idea i think) and then theres others (the demons) that are just completely magical (Fantasy and it just doesnt seem to flow). I say you either cut the demon's out or make them outcasts from the wilderness society. Maybe now the crucible of ages is being used by the wilderness people as a jail?
2)You need to remember that these wilderness people have lived in the forest for ages, meaning that they must have some sort of society going. I like the concept of the forest getting more technologically advanced as one goes deeper.
3) The idea of the Council of Gods is mentioned but never delved into. I think you should make it so that at some point the reader notices a "war" emerging between the Council of Gods (sided with the "main people") and the girl (sided with the forest dwellers).
4)I think you should cancel out the Necromancer and make her meet her parents in the forest and her father trains her. I think you could make her past a lot more contreversial. Here is my take on it: The Council of Gods is in charge. They are afraid of the power the offspring of two gods would have, and thus they take all measures to prevent such a child from being born (the kid could be powerful enough to overthrow them). The parents could have been lead members of this Council who formed a love interest and had a kid (with the logic that if the kid were conditioned to love and obey the Council the Council would be made the ultimate power). The Council is informed of this kid and disagrees with the logic (saying that power is to great to be resisted and the kid is bound to want it at some point, and then they will take over) and they banish the parents to the woods and give the kid to a random family in the main land hoping that her powers never manifest if she is in a normal land. They don't kill her because they are afraid that the extra stress and anxiety such an attack would cause on her may result in her powers manifesting, which they are trying to prevent. Naturally the council keeps this all secret and when the girl is banished to the wilderness by the main people, they realize how bad everything could go if parent and child meet up. So, they wage a full scale attack on the wilderness hoping to destroy everything before the two meet up.
5) Obvioiusly that would make this whole thing a very easy plot to resolve, as she is so much more powerful (or maybe everyone just thinks she is? maybe 2 gods mating yeilds a normal person?) Regardless, after two years spent in seclusion training, maybe you can have it so that the Council is now a tyranical government surpressing and controlling everything and they are more powerful than ever. In thet case, the story can turn into the girl rising up against the government to save the people.
6) Also, I think you should make either the main people or the wilderness people human as it grounds this into reality more.

Good Luck with the story. If you cant tell I really like the concept.

PM me if you ever need anything. I am always around and wanting to help.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Hero_Of_Blade Offline
Flawed Shadow
Average Joe
Hero_Of_Blade's Avatar
Name: Autumn
Age: 29
Gender: female
Location: Between the shades of black and white

Posts: 101
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Re: Fiction Development (criticism expected) - January 28th 2009, 06:49 AM

it is very unfinished
this is why I posted this xD
it needs expanded, fixed, changed.

Thanks though, I'll keep all that in mind =]
I'm trying to stop the habit of just jumping into the story without some level of planning and this is my planning :P

Thanks again =]
  Send a message via MSN to Hero_Of_Blade  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Lee Offline
Junior TeenHelper
Lee's Avatar
Name: Lee Awesome

Posts: 239
Blog Entries: 26
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Fiction Development (criticism expected) - January 28th 2009, 11:08 PM

A book can be both sci-fi and fantasy.
I cant really criticize your work - my head aches
But I suggest (if you haven't already) read Traci Hardings books. Your story reminds me a little of them, and you might be able to get further ideas from them.
Closed Thread


criticism, development, expected, fiction

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright ©1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.