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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Philomath Offline
Love is > your mistakes
I can't get enough
*********
 
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Name: Christina
Gender: Female
Location: Where the books are

Posts: 2,285
Blog Entries: 135
Join Date: July 25th 2009

Ashamed - November 24th 2009, 02:19 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Note: I labeled this as triggering just in case...


Ashamed

Iím so ashamed
For letting
The Razor win
The war I
Am fighting
Inside.

Iím ashamed
For letting myself fall prey
To the temptation and the addiction
I have caused inside myself
For letting myself hurt so much
Inside to the point where
I find itís the only way I cope
I realize that what friends say is right
That cutting is a cure
To inner hurt and pain
Itís a way of explaining
To myself that
Iím still here
That nothing and no one has killed me yet
That I am my worst Enemy.

I just wish that
I could get rid of
All this pain
The emotional
The physical (from the cuts)
The internal feeling of
Loneliness and fear.

I try to talk to the sky
To see if God has an answer
To see what his cure might be
I find myself waiting
Not knowing what to do
Feeling as if he wonít help me
And because of this
I begin to wonder
Is what the people
At church believe
True.

Or are all of them just lieing
Believeing in a faith that
Doesnít exist
And living with a hope that
Some may never find.

If you are there God
Please answer me
You know what Iím going through
The hurt I feel inside
The pain I feel
Please lift me up
And guide me
Out of this.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Lotus Eater Offline
You are not alone.
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Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Under The Sea

Posts: 561
Join Date: November 24th 2009

Re: Ashamed - November 24th 2009, 09:27 AM

You write beautifully.

You should stop cutting though. At the end of the day... it isn't going to change anything. You're just going to hurt yourself more.

As hard as it may seem, stay strong. You can pull through.


You have me.
Until every last star in the galaxy dies.
You have me.

- Amie Kaufman



NEED TO VENT? CLICK HERE.
Never forget, you are not alone. ♥
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Philomath Offline
Love is > your mistakes
I can't get enough
*********
 
Philomath's Avatar
 
Name: Christina
Gender: Female
Location: Where the books are

Posts: 2,285
Blog Entries: 135
Join Date: July 25th 2009

Re: Ashamed - November 24th 2009, 08:11 PM

Thank you.
I know I should probably stop, I just don't know how to get help.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
madammissa Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
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Name: Melissa Maire
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Washington

Posts: 8
Join Date: November 20th 2009

Re: Ashamed - November 30th 2009, 04:52 AM

Dang. This is AMAZING. Wow. I wish I had written this. Its amazing. (:
Wow, You should PM me, we have alot in common


[size=2] There is always hope (: [SIZE]
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Philomath Offline
Love is > your mistakes
I can't get enough
*********
 
Philomath's Avatar
 
Name: Christina
Gender: Female
Location: Where the books are

Posts: 2,285
Blog Entries: 135
Join Date: July 25th 2009

Re: Ashamed - November 30th 2009, 10:10 AM

Thanks, I'm glad you think this is amazing.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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