Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Christina Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
Christina's Avatar
Name: Christina
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 6
Join Date: April 10th 2010

I Need Feedback - May 8th 2010, 08:56 PM

I was told I was mature
and I thought so too.
And everything in the world
I already knew.
As I got to know him
my heart began to swell
and I knew he too
felt something for me as well.
He was older
and I was thirteen
but age didn't matter enough
to destroy such a feeling.
I didn't think anything in the world
could go wrong
and it never did because
I was never alone.
Things were never
as bad as they could be
for either of us,
not as long as I had him, and he had me.
We held hands and we kissed
and it didn't feel wrong.
We talked and we laughed
and life smoothly flowed along.
People scowled
and glared with judging eyes.
I concluded they were jealous
and my happiness they despised.
Nothing in the world
could ruin it
this was love;
this was really it.
I fell for him
and he fell for me.
He was the prince
that swept me off my feet.
But it all was shattered
when my innocence was taken away
despite my kicking, my screaming, my tears
into me he came.
I thought this was love
I thought love was real.
He laid on top of me
pushing to his appeal.
My lungs were being crushed
and I couldn't breath
this is not how I imagined
my first time would be.
When he was done
I just laid there and cried
I couldn't move
even though I tried.
I looked around the room
and he was gone
and now I realized
that I was really alone.
That he never loved me
like I loved him; it was a lie.
My innocence was gone forever
because I was so blind.
I was taken away from myself,
my innocence was ripped out of my grasp
spat on
and thrown in the trash.
My virginity
was ripped out of me
and I didn't get a say.
I am dirty; I am heartbroken
and I will never be the same.
There will never be a next time
because I can never fall in love
after what he did to me
I will forever be alone.

Feedback please..its ok, u can be harsh

Last edited by Christina; May 8th 2010 at 09:33 PM. Reason: grammatical errors
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
snappydog Offline
Whimsical Nocturne
Average Joe
snappydog's Avatar
Name: Chris
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: Exeter

Posts: 134
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: October 31st 2009

Re: I Need Feedback - May 8th 2010, 09:04 PM

I love it. I think the feelings are much more important than any grammar or anything like that, and although there were a couple of irregular rhyme structures (you said be harsh) I think it actually adds to the poem. It's got the kind of rough feeling that grabs your heart and tears it out, and I think that it's beautiful in the kind of way that only something desperately sad can be.
You've got talent.

It's no surprise that you'll soon forget about me
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Christina Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
Christina's Avatar
Name: Christina
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 6
Join Date: April 10th 2010

Re: I Need Feedback - May 8th 2010, 09:18 PM

thank you, yeah haha, i just reread it and i was like wtf?? cuz i had some grammatical errors, but thank you
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
cryingangel Offline
Average Joe
cryingangel's Avatar
Name: idiot
Gender: Female
Location: london

Posts: 134
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: September 24th 2009

Re: I Need Feedback - May 8th 2010, 09:19 PM

its really good made me cry

i have a guardian angel watching over me she tells me what to do when i have no clue
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
.Brittany. Offline
AKA Reckless Emotion
TeenHelp Addict
.Brittany.'s Avatar
Name: Brittany
Gender: Female
Location: 100 Acre Woods

Posts: 7,915
Blog Entries: 209
Join Date: January 12th 2009

Re: I Need Feedback - May 8th 2010, 09:24 PM

I really liked it, keep it up!

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

HelpLINK Mentor | Live Help Mentor | Article Editor
Forum & Chat Moderator
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
kindlyUnspoken Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
kindlyUnspoken's Avatar

Posts: 2
Join Date: May 8th 2010

Re: I Need Feedback - May 8th 2010, 10:04 PM

this is amazing. you are great at projecting what you feel. I'm amazed!
Closed Thread


feedback, poetry

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright ©1998-2021, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.