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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
KiwiGal Offline
Perfect just as you are
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Name: Beka
Gender: Female
Location: Australia

Posts: 592
Blog Entries: 28
Join Date: August 9th 2009

SHORT STORY, what do you guys think? - August 9th 2010, 09:47 AM

Icould hardly hear her chatter over the pounding music and the roaring of the car.
“You and Jason were getting along very well tonight aye?” Anna smirks teasingly, her eyes twinkling mischievously at me. I could feel my answer written all over my face, in bright pink.
“I guess we are,” I grinned, poking my tongue out at her.But how about you and Sam? You too were looking pretty cosy as well’ I teased back. This was an understatement - those two couldn’t stay away from each other! I ended up having to drag Anna away from him.
“Did you see Mac’s face, man the devil himself would be scared of the look he was giving Sam” Anna laughs.
A new and catchy guitar beat starts playing on the radio and Anna’s eyes light up in delight. “I love this song” she laughs, and starts singing along, merging her soprano voice in with the singer’s voices, creating a perfect rock Ballard that pounds in my ears. I turn the radio right up – so I can sing too – and the speakers shaking bass pounding in my ears. I close my eyes and imagine lying under a palm tree on white sand, the only sound are the waves lapping at the sand, the fish every colour of the rainbow splashing as they dart around in the crystal clear water, enticing me in for a swim.

A scream of tires bring me back round, whipping my head around to Anna just in time to see the head lights coming toward us, as if in slow motion the car hits us turning the two once separate cars into a hurling scrap of metal.
My head smashes into the window knocking me into the darkness.
Flashing lights bring me back in to my nightmare. I groan a warm sticky liquid covers my face, hair tattered with blood. A sharp tap at the window makes me turn sending shots of pain all over my body the darkness taking over my body again.

Beep. Beep. Beep.
Blinking open my eyes, waking to a dull white room, the smell of disinfectant smothers me I can tell I'm in hospital. But why? The car crash, it all floods back the screaming of the brakes, the head lights, Anna. I look around the room where’s Anna? I want to talk to her see how she is. As if summoned two nurses walk into the room.
“Oh, hunny you’re awake, how do you feel? want anything for the pain.” asks a over bubbly nurse. Linda that’s what her name tag says.
“I'm fine, where is Anna I want to see her now” I say a little to rudely so I add “please”. No answer. “Can I please see her, maybe move into the same room” I begg looking Linda straight in the eye. The once bubbly nurse looks nearly pleadingly at the other nurse.
“Hunny you can’t see her now, you need to rest and get you’re strength back”.
The nurses look at each other in their eyes shows, death. “No” I whisper “no it’s not true” I say getting louder. “it’s not, you’re lying” getting frantic. “tell me you’re lying! tell me she’s not dead!”. Linda rushes over to my bed trying to sooth me the other runs out the door. I felt like my soul had been ripped into a million pieces with no hope of gluing them back together.
“She promised me, she promised to live, she cant be dead, she cant be” tears streaming down my scared face. “She promised”
I felt a prick on the side of my arm. Everything’s fuzzy, spinning then it goes black.

“if I eat another truffle I will explode” complains Anna, i pat my tummy “but they are bloody good” I shove another into my mouth.
Lying on Anna’s bed reading magazines. “Awww that’s so sad and cute, Alex listen to this” Anna is holding up that’s life magazine.
“85 year old Bill Newton goes for his first but not last, last Tuesday in memory of his late wife Lilly Newton, who passed away last month. We had promised to do a sky dive one says Bill, we had promised to live life to the fullest. ”. Anna finishes reading and run out of the room reappearing a minute later with a pen and a bit of paper.
She plops down and writes franticly. I love how Anna writes it all just flows like a river flowing over stones, so natural.
“Here read this” Anna shoves the bit of paper in front of my eyes

Living life to the fullest

.sky Diving

.Travel Europe

.Go to a tropical island

.go to Mt Everest

.Get married

.have a family

Alex you agree to do this no matter what happens you will live life to the fullest,

To go crazy and let you’re hair down, have fun, and to have no regret’s.

A. Durrell

I scribble my signature and pass it back.
“we must no matter what happens we must stick to this, we have to live life to the fullest”
I gab another truffle and hold it up, “to living life” I toast and shove the truffle into my mouth.
Anna’s laughter fills my head with happiness.

I wake up. My dream, my memory still runny through my head, hunting me.
My heart aching not the kind of aching you get when you break a bone, but a dark dry constant aching, an aching which wont heal along with my bones. It will be there well after that. The pain will never leave me.

Every morning for two weeks I woke up with that aching, but this morning a two weeks after the accident I woke up longing to laugh.
Jason walks with white lilies.
“Good morning sweetie” bends down to give me a kiss. He smells of a summer morning.
“Hey”, I eye him suspiciously he’s trying to hide something from me I can tell by the sparkle in his deep green eyes.
“Spit it out, why do you look so happy” I laugh his mood contagious.
“Well today you’re getting sprung from this place” he smiles lovingly down at me.
A new spark of hope and light enter my life.
The promise.
Click, and idea flows through me.
“Do you have you’re passport updated” I smile.
“Yea why” confusion creeps across his angel face. I have a promise to keep.
Because we are going to Fiji.I sit up and hold Jason in the biggest hug.
I'm keeping my promise for you Anna. I'm keeping my promise.

hey guys! give me some feed back. what do you guyd think of it


Last edited by KiwiGal; August 10th 2010 at 07:24 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
e.c.e.life. Offline
star kitteh ♥
Not a n00b
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Name: Broken Princess
Age: 25

Posts: 67
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Join Date: June 17th 2010

Re: english story!need feedback please - August 11th 2010, 03:17 AM

that was good just go over it for spelling errors

the people who mind do not matter, the people who matter do not mind - not sure..

  (#3 (permalink)) Old
KiwiGal Offline
Perfect just as you are
Experienced TeenHelper
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Name: Beka
Gender: Female
Location: Australia

Posts: 592
Blog Entries: 28
Join Date: August 9th 2009

Re: english story!need feedback please - August 11th 2010, 04:03 AM

hahah yeah my spelling totaly sux xD

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english, feedback, storyneed

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