High above me the sky appears broken.
The stars no longer shine as bright as what they used to
And the moon is covered by thick clouds, no longer visible.
The night is dark, like my soul.
Like my entire life.
I can't see the point in pushing myself through the pain,
Finding out that there is nothing more to greet me but darkness
After my hard journey.
What's in it for me? I ask myself.
How will being in pain benefit me at all?
I hate myself, I say agin and again. I hate myself.
Go die! I shout into the night...
But I don't die like I had hoped to.
I am disgusting, I say.
I am repulsive and hideous.
What they said, those other kids at school...
What they said was true
And all so right.
You are fat. Ugly. Unloved.
Nobody want you, nobody cares about you.
You need to do everyone a favor and die.
But I don't die.
Instead, I pull out a sharp object
And I dig it into my arms until I bleed.
Shouts interrupt my bliss.
I find myself lying on my bed, back to reality.
I had that daydream of being outside and looking at the stars again.
I hear more yelling coming from outside my bedroom door.
I immediatley know what is happening.
A lump wells inside my throat. I choke back tears.
The shouting continues, and I put a pillow over my ears.
But I can still hear the shouting. I want to scream.
I just want some peace and quiet
Like the peaceful stillness in my daydream.
But now I can hear even more shouting, glass breaking...
The broken sky in my daydream.
Just breaking all into a million little peices.
Unable to put back together.
Letting out another one of those screams that nobody ever hears.
I want to kill myself.
I can't do it.
I can't do anything right.
Because like the other kids at school said, I am worthless.
I'm retarded, I am unable to accomplish even the easiest of tasks.
I am STUPID.
I'm a bitch, a cunt, a whore, a fatass.
And now I'm dead.