How to be a man

[InnerDarkness]

Recently I was looking through a mens magazine and there was this big article in there about how to be a man. It said some stuff like "real men don't drink white wine", that "two men should never share an umbrella" and that "a real man should be able to close one eye, look at the position of the sun and tell you what time of day it is".

When I was a little kid I recall looking forward to being a man. I used to watch the men work in my dads office and see men reading the newspaper on park benches and see the men on TV.

Men smelled like aftershave and wore neck ties and drank black coffee out of paper cups. Men worked on big, important projects on big, expensive computers and wrote big, important books about big, impressive subjects and men were responable and patriotic and interested in new world events and would gallantly take control of everything if you ever fell off your bicycle.

The life of a man at lesiure looked pretty interetsing too. I used to pick the lock on my dads closet to get at his stack of playboy magazines and I thought my future life as a man was going to be full of drinking good wine in an expensive suit, working on big, important projects and hanging out by the pool with beautiful girls in bikinis. Like I said: I was looking forward to being a man.

By all popular biological definitions I am now a man and I'm still trying to figure out what I think about this. The role of man has changed a lot and being a man is nothing like I thought it would be. I wonder if anyone else thinks it's a confusing time to be a man.

On one hand I think it's kinda kool that the roles of men and women have become somewhat less defined, on the other hand I always feel sort of kool when I'm working with power tools.
And on one hand I think it's healthy that it's now far more exceptable for a man to express his sensitive side but on the other hand I always get sort of disturbed when I see a band that sound like they have one testecle at most to share between themselves.
On one hand I never really related to the classic image of the macho man but on the other hand it's sort of dissapointing to grow up expecting to drive a Pontiac Firebird and to come of age being the owner of a Nissan Micra.
On one hand I'm really quite happy that the balance of power between men and women is a lot more equal than it used to be but on the other hand I really dislike turbo-feminists who automatically assume that all men are pigs. But on the other hand still, whenever I encounter any average frat boys it's usually a little easier to see their point.

I don't think I've heard anyone specifically griping about loosing their sence of masculinity but I do think it's kind of interesting that AskMen.com voted Don Draper as the most influcential man of 2009.

I also find it interesting that clothes shops have adverts for mens jeans that say "Wear the Pants" and that a medalion on a rope which has been discontinued since 1991 will on average sell for $30 on eBay.

I don't know how seriously anyone would take an article called "How to be a Man" but Esquire seems to think that a lot of men have forgotten.

In the movies, the young boy goes on a great adventure and this is his right of passage to become a man. I wonder if I should have made more of an effort to go on a great adventure because so far being a man doesn't feel that much different from being an old kid.

Anyway, that's what I think about how to be a man.
Well... at least I'm pretty sure that's what I think...
Actually, to tell you the truth - I have no idea what I think.
?

[CanadaCraig]

Hi Ethan!!

I hope you're having a groovy day.

I really enjoyed reading your message.

I am [Biologically at least] a 47 year old 'man'. But I'm still trying to answer the, "How to be a man?", question.

When I was born [In July of 1963] John F. Kennedy was the President of the United States. Life for most Americans [And Canadians] was [Up to the time of his assassination] quite stable. 'Things' stayed pretty much the same for decades - at least insofar how people related to each other. There were well defined [And well accepted] 'ideas' of how a man should 'act' and how a woman should 'act'. Conformity brought comfort. Familiarity felt safe. At least for most people. For others - that 'conformity' felt more like 'control'. They felt as though they were suffocating. As time went on - many people becoming curious as to what MIGHT be possible. This - I believe - had a lot to do with why President Kennedy was elected. He represented a 'new way' to a lot of people. He was very 'modern'. Very 'now'! Previous Presidents were mostly 'Grandfatherly'. JFK - on the other hand - was actually quite good looking - and his wife was beautiful. [To many eyes - at least] His assassination in November of 1963 brought to an abrupt end [I think] the stranglehold the 'conformists' had on society - and slowly but surely opened the floodgates to a new way of thinking. Trouble is - a lot gets lost in a flood. There were a lot of 'good things' about the past that should have been held onto. [i.e. the idea of actually getting to know someone before having sex with them - among other things] But most people assume that their parent's generation are 100% 'wrong' and that 'their way' - this 'new way' - is the 'right way'. I was a victim of some of those people and their new 'ways'. [As were many boys - and girls - of that era]

Sometime in 1971 or so [I was a young boy of about 8] I held a door open for a 'lady'. She grabbed the door - yanking it out of my hand and screamed, "I can get my own f*cking door you little sh*t!" That was a lot to take in for an 8 year old boy - one who was only trying to be polite. Now if that was an isolated incident - one could argue against the significance of it. [And rightfully so] And even though I never experienced anything exactly like that again - I did witness over and over again [In one way or another] the hatred within that women. The message I eventually came to believe that was that men are bad. Simply BEING a man - a MALE - was a 'bad thing'. Being a GUY was a 'mistake'. And I'm being quite serious. THAT is how awful the messages got. SO awful in fact - that many women - even those who were at one time fully supportive of the so-called 'feminist movement' - were beginning to quality their answers. When asked if THEY were a 'feminist', a lot of women who at one time would have simply said, "Yes", were now adding, "But I don't hate men!!" That's how bad it got. But that's typical of most 'movements'. [People fighting for their 'rights'] The pendulum swings - and when it does - people often get hurt before any real change takes place. [Before the pendulum stops swinging]

As a consequence of all of the above [Along with many other factors too - of course] 'men' AND 'women' kinda lost their way. Few people wanted to go back in time and relate to each other like their parents and grandparents did - but they wanted something to hang on to - something to count on.

I think most people - most adults - are feeling lost.

Truth be told - men and women [For the most part] do NOT want be thought of as equals in the sense of being 'the same'. Most guys really do NOT want their girlfriend to simply be a 'guy without a penis'. And most girls really do NOT want their boyfriend to simply be a 'girl WITH a penis'. Men and women are NOT the same. And there is no need for them to BE the same. And this has absolutely nothing to do with 'equality'.

THAT ALL SAID........

I think you answered your own question. Men really ARE just 'old kids'. [And so are women - for that matter] And that kinda stands to reason - doesn't it'? Are we really all that different at 10 than we are a 20. Or 30 or 40 or 50? I know you don't know the asnwer to that - but I do. And I know - and have known - a LOT of ADULTS in my life. And given the fact that I've always been a guy people talk to and confide in - I can assure you - most ADULTS will agree. ADULTS are just KIDS WITH WRINKLES!!

QUESTIONS:

Are you male?
Are you someone who believes in the idea that you should treat others as you want to be treated?
Do you go out of your way to be fair and honourable?
Are you just as determined to NOT take of advantage of someone [In any way whatsoever] as you are that NO ONE take advantage of YOU?
Do you stand up for someone who is being knocked down?
Are you honest and trustworthy?
Are you compassionate and caring?
Are you strong and willing to defend what is right?
Do you appreciate the fact that your 'word' defines your character? [In other words - DOES your 'word' have any value?]

If you answered 'yes' to ALL of those questions - then I would consider you to be a MAN. And one that I would be proud to call a friend. [As would most people]

Being human - you WILL falter and stumble and bumble and so on when it comes to living up to the above list - but IF you are determined to live up to it - you can always refer to that person you see in the mirror every day - a 'man'. And NEVER allow anyone to tell you otherwise.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

[miztwixbar]

Hi! It's me again