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anomie Offline
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a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 01:53 AM

i was bored in math class so i wrote something deeply disturbing.
the third stanza is a little weak, mostly because the last line has too many syllables. i couldn't find something to rhyme with "well" and "hell"
don't worry, i'm not going to kill anyone

---------------------------------------

I shot myself in the head,
My face is bloody red,
I feel real weak
And I look like a freak
But somehow I'm not dead!

This cut burns like a knife
Maybe I shouldn't have strangled my wife
And drowned her beau
Now I have to go
Or serve 25-to-life

Now I don't feel so well
Perhaps I'm headed for hell
But I'm not so brave
Hope I rot in the grave
And maggots will eat at my cells
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Barbed Lungs Offline
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Re: a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 02:16 AM

That's really good, but you're right it is quite disturbing
What exactly is a 'Beau'?


---
- I'm not strong enough to stay away -
- and I wanna leave -
- and I wanna stay -
- And I'm so confused -
- So hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain -
---
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anomie Offline
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Re: a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 02:24 AM

haha well it was supposed to be her adulterous lover... xD
   
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Re: a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 02:27 AM

Ah got'cha


---
- I'm not strong enough to stay away -
- and I wanna leave -
- and I wanna stay -
- And I'm so confused -
- So hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain -
---
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Jovial. Offline
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Re: a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 02:37 AM

that is very good...your good at writing..but i agree kinda disturbing...even so keep up the good writing
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Re: a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 03:04 AM

Nicely done. Amusing, though as you said, disturbing. Though I've read worse.

http://www.rhymezone.com/

That site helps come up with numerous words that rhyme with.. other words.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
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Re: a song about a murderer - February 22nd 2009, 03:11 AM

awesome, thanks
   
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