The Beautiful Ones

[Kitty.]

The beautiful ones. The ones with hope, life, and love. We can’t compare. Comprehending their pulchritude would be a journey beyond anything we have ever experienced. Impossible. Scoffing with rage and bitterness as we, the forgotten, the forsaken are to perish on this cold mountain. Stuck way up high on the rugged mountainside. Black skies loom over us threatening to flood us with their frustrations. As if we don’t have enough. As if our struggles and trials don’t threaten our very existence. The existence of one struggling is a beautiful tragedy. Misunderstood. Trampled upon viciously. Still they manage to raise their heads. The smallest movement is an accomplishment. Yet they are watched, judged, belittled. And for what? For existence. That is absolutely preposterous. Simply heart breaking. As we scream at them to be still, to have hope, to never give up. They are ones who really understand life. They really understand beauty. Toiling for happiness. Toiling for freedom and strength. Gasping for air when all their strength is vanquished. Grasping for any string of strength that they can hold on to. Mustering the strength to rise and face yet another day. Those are the ones who know the true meaning of happiness. The beautiful ones.

Note: The run-ons and fragments are supposed to be part of the whole piece and the piece is supposed to make you think.

[These Three Remain]

Certainly a refreshing take on the celebrated members of society as opposed to the ones who ought to be . I got the feeling in some parts that the vocabulary was a little strained, but overall it was very good. My suggestion to you is this: Because the subject matter seems more of an appeal to your peers than a sermon or lecture, try bringing the language down a bit more as if you were speaking it directly in front of the audience in the real world. Sophisticated vocabulary can do an excellent job of emphasizing a point, but can't compare to appealing to the dialect of the audience. Just my suggestion, though, and I thought it was very good.


JD

[Kitty.]

Thank you for the praise and criticism. I definitely appreciate it.