short story for school chapter 1(please comment)

[gloves123]

ok so the bits that i highlighted are the parts i'm not sure about, ould you guys comment on this please?













Karley walked down the frosted dirt path in the forest. The wind whipped her long black hair from her face and sent a shiver down her spine. She shoved her hands in her pockets as the wind whipped. Two more minutes, two more minutes. She thought to herself. Her black shoes crunched over a patch of dead grass and her breath froze in the cold November air. Karley could hear the cars up ahead and started walking faster in the thought of the warm CD store. She subconsciously broke into a jog when she saw it. She stepped in and the warmth filled her instantly. She looked around and saw Seth. He was Karley’s best friend and they had made plans to meet at the CD store that afternoon. She walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. Seth turned around and smiled a smile that shed rainbows.
“Hey Karls!” he said.
“Hey.” She replied. Seth turned around and picked up a CD, turned back and showed it to her, still smiling.
“Look what I found.” Karley picked up the CD and almost jumped around in excitement.
“Raining bloods new CD?” She asked. “Where did you hind this?” Seth laughed and pointed his thumb over his shoulder.
“ I asked an employee and they said they just got a fresh shipment. He actually went into the back to unload the box!” he said. Karley jumped up and ran to the cash register to buy it.

“Come on Karls!” Seth yelled, laughing. Karley ran a few steps and stopped at his side. Seth playfully jutted his elbow at her arm.
“If you stop to look in every store window in London, we won’t get to that pizza place for lunch until tomorrow.” He teased. Karley laughed, resisting the urge to look in the store window they were passing. An icy wind whipped at them as they walked. Seth shoved his hands in his coat pockets and Karley wrapped her arms around herself. Jeez it’s cold. She thought. Suddenly, she felt a buzz inside of her. Not a shaking buz, more of a hum. She felt heat resonating through her arms and legs, she no longer felt the need to have her arms around herself. She dropped her arms to her sides, not bothering to think about what just happened, not until she got inside at least. Seth looked over with a puzzled look.
“Your not cold?” He asked. Karley shrugged.
“Surprisingly not.” She said simply. Seth looked ahead and elbowed her again.
“Hey, we’re here.” Seth and Karley walked through the door, the smell of pizza and fresh bread filling their lungs with every breath. They went over to a table with a checker board pattern at the wall, far away from the cold windows. A waiter came over almost instantly and whipped out a note pad and pen.
“ Seth! Karley!” He greeted.” What can I get you two today?” Seth smiled up at him.
“ just the usual, Ted.” Seth said casually. Ted was a friend of Seth’s family .So when Ted got laid off, Seth’s dad , who owned the pizza place, gave him a job. Ted wrote down the order.
“ Coming right up.” He said, and walked to the kitchen.
A few minutes later he came back out and held up the pizza.
“One medium pepperoni pizza for you two.” He announced, and set it down on the table. Seth and Karley started eating. Seth occasionally looked sideways, but Karley didn’t know what was wrong. She decided to ignore it and finish the pizza and continue the conversation.
When they were done and were waiting for Ted to come take the plates, Seth sighed, annoyed at something.
“What’s wrong?” Karley asked in a low voice. Seth dropped his hand that his head had been resting on to the table.
“ You see that guy over at the table by the door?” He asked. Karley nodded. Seth lowered his voice to a whisper.
“ He’s been staring at us ever since we got here.” Karley looked over at him. His hair was black as the night sky and his eyes were green as emeralds. He was wearing a black leather coat and dark blue jeans. He looked about Karley and Seth’s age, fifteen, but she wasn’t sure. But Seth was right, he was staring. Karley looked away and back to Seth who was giving her a look that said ‘ see?’ Ted came over and took the plates. Seth insisted Ted take the money to because they were late for something. Ted walked off and Karley and Seth got up and walked out the door quickly. They had only walked a few steps when Seth looked behind them.
“ He’s following us.” He whispered, almost to low for her to hear. Her heart started racing. What did this guy want? Her mind raced and she just wanted to run. Suddenly she got the humming feeling inside of her.
Pop!
A light from a street light had burst and glass rained down to the ground. Karley looked over her shoulder and saw the guy still walking, only faster.
Pop! Pop! Pop!
Street light one by one were bursting. Karley covered her head as glass rained down above her. She looked behind her and saw the guy was jogging now. She couldn’t take it anymore. Karley anxiously reached for Seth’s arm. She grabbed it and sprinted down the side walk. She looked behind them one more time and saw he was catching up. She knew that she would never out run him. Karley saw an ally coming up. She ran in with Seth in tow. When they got in, she saw a path off to the side in the ally between houses. Karley ran in and Seth followed. She could hear the guys footsteps in the ally as she looked around for somewhere to hide. A dumpster sat conveniently to the side. Karley grabbed Seth’s arm and ran behind it. They sat in silence as they heard the footsteps stop at the front of the second ally. We are invisible. She thought over and over. Karley and Seth heard the footsteps leave the ally. They sat there for a few more seconds. She looked from behind the dumpster and saw no one there. Her and Seth got up slowly.
“ Who was that?” Seth asked.
“ I don’t know.” She replied” But he wanted something.”
“ And what was with the lights?” Karley shrugged.
“ Again, I don’t know. Maybe a problem with the fuses?” Karley looked down at her watch and her breath caught in her throat.
“Jeez…” She muttered.
“What’s up?” Seth asked while brushing off his jeans. Karley shook her head.
“I got to get home, I still have home work to do.” Seth got an uncomfortable look on his face.
“do you want me to walk you home? Just in case that guy comes back?” He asked.
“ Nah, I’m good. It’s not that far a walk.” She said, laughing. Seth nodded and they walked out of the ally, were they said good bye and went their separate ways.