Too Late - Part 2

[Autumnwind]

Here is the second verse and final verse to "Too Late" and it's almost done recording, also!

The second verse didn't exactly turn out how I 100% wanted it to be, but it's still really good in my opinion. I WAS indeed having trouble near the end trying to duplicate the pattern in the first verse, but I tried my best. Let me know what you think!?



So now I'm trying to gamble away every one of my thoughts

Supplying to the demand of energy that I've lost

Denying all the rambles of bad memories I've fought

Cleverly defying tenderly relying on the fog

Undyingly battle against terrifying costs

But when the blood clears I'll undeniably stand tall

I'm Defying the odds, trying to ratify the cause

Verifying my loss to stand on top gratifying it all

Writing and designing I bleed dirty from my palms

Cleansing my claws just to glorify my wrongs

Sing a lullaby to sleep nullifying the calls

Swing a paw solidifying every one of my flaws

I'm restoring the applause, I'm ignoring all my haunts,

No longer mourning in the dark, I'm Performing with a spark

I'm pouring out my heart, Blood coursing through my art

I'm reforming with a cause, theres no more luring with my coffin

[GoneBeyondRepair]

lovely job, once again

[_sunsets64.]

again, i love it!! the only thing about the rhyming is the end, although i guess coff- in works, if you break it up like that when you transition into the hook. One thing though, maybe i'm wrong, but wouldn't it be "there's no more lure from my coffin"? like you're coffin used to lure you? unless that's not what you were trying to say, then just ignore me.

btw, i LOVE this line: "Cleverly defying tenderly relying on the fog" .. it's about kind of pushing all the bad stuff to the back of your mind and relying on the fogginess/haziness of your memory to dull the pain so you can try to forget it, right? it's beautiful

this part's really cool too:

"Cleansing my claws just to glorify my wrongs/ Sing a lullaby to sleep nullifying the calls / Swing a paw solidifying every one of my flaws"

[Intoxicated Brutality]

Awesome job Robert. Really like it (:
Favorite lines are most definitely:
"Writing and designing I bleed dirty from my palms,
Cleansing my claws just to glorify my wrongs"
I just love the first. xD

[Autumnwind]

Originally Posted by _sunsets64.

again, i love it!! the only thing about the rhyming is the end, although i guess coff- in works, if you break it up like that when you transition into the hook. One thing though, maybe i'm wrong, but wouldn't it be "there's no more lure from my coffin"? like you're coffin used to lure you? unless that's not what you were trying to say, then just ignore me.

btw, i LOVE this line: "Cleverly defying tenderly relying on the fog" .. it's about kind of pushing all the bad stuff to the back of your mind and relying on the fogginess/haziness of your memory to dull the pain so you can try to forget it, right? it's beautiful

this part's really cool too:

Yeah I was worrying about that too, "Coffin", but I decided 1 unrhyming word wont ruin the whole story I'm trying to tell =p

Also, I actually changed it to... "no more laying in my coffin" due to the message I was trying to send. I could have made it work with the way you typed it, and it might sound better. But, to compensate, I used "no more laying in my coffin" b ut thank you for the suggestion!

And honestly, that line "Cleverly defying, tenderly relying on the fog" it needs a comma as I put there. but, it means I'm defying hiding myself, I'm defying trying to be something I'm not and hiding all my pureness. But at the same time, I'm relying on hiding who I am, or what I was or am. Therefore, things are very unclear to me, therefore there is fog.

Thank you so much to everyone who is complimenting I really, really, appreciate it more than you know. Thank you so much

[_sunsets64.]

Yeah I was worrying about that too, "Coffin", but I decided 1 unrhyming word wont ruin the whole story I'm trying to tell =p

Also, I actually changed it to... "no more laying in my coffin" due to the message I was trying to send. I could have made it work with the way you typed it, and it might sound better. But, to compensate, I used "no more laying in my coffin" b ut thank you for the suggestion!

No, it will definitely work, I hear stuff like that in songs all the time ... and i really like the way you rewrote it, it fits much better than how I had rewritten it.

[Autumnwind]

Originally Posted by _sunsets64.

No, it will definitely work, I hear stuff like that in songs all the time ... and i really like the way you rewrote it, it fits much better than how I had rewritten it.

I recorded it, too

You should listen to it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ROC04Lvavs

It's not perfect, but I have to start somewhere. And I'm working on getting a new mic, so my voice shall sound better soon

[_sunsets64.]

the beat is awesome!! and it sounds great.. i listened to strings also and i love that one, you have a great taste for beats
one thing, though, (i know you just recorded it) but it sounds slightly rushed, like you're still kind of getting used to rapping it? maybe just because you are. you sound a lot more confident on strings though. it sounds really great, though, i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs once you're done recording them!

[Autumnwind]

Originally Posted by _sunsets64.

the beat is awesome!! and it sounds great.. i listened to strings also and i love that one, you have a great taste for beats
one thing, though, (i know you just recorded it) but it sounds slightly rushed, like you're still kind of getting used to rapping it? maybe just because you are. you sound a lot more confident on strings though. it sounds really great, though, i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs once you're done recording them!

Hmm, it sounds rushed? The whole thing, or only at certain parts? 'Cause I know the second verse was a bit new to me. Seeing as I wrote it only a day or two ago.

Any suggestions, or problems you have with it will help me 100% so don't be afraid to tell me what's wrong with it!

[_sunsets64.]

Hmm, it sounds rushed? The whole thing, or only at certain parts? 'Cause I know the second verse was a bit new to me. Seeing as I wrote it only a day or two ago.

Any suggestions, or problems you have with it will help me 100% so don't be afraid to tell me what's wrong with it!

first of all, it's art--there's nothing wrong with it! i'll give you any suggestions i have though, because i know that's always more helpful than a blind thumbs-up, but i'm just one opinion, and it's your art, so you do whatever you want with it!

ok so i listened to it again more closely, and i think it sounds like you're kind of running out of breath and so you're trying to get all the words out before you run out, so that's why it's sounding a little rushed? and yeah i figured you couldn't have had it written very long since you've been posting the lyrics on here the past few days. my suggestion would be to practice saying the lyrics slower first and really get the emotion in your voice that you want so that the words have more power in every syllable and that you're really "spitting" the words with the beat, if that makes sense? and then speed it up to the tempo the beat is at so that you're more comfortable and confident with rapping the lyrics powerfully.
maybe listen to a song by your favorite rapper, listen to how they sound on the mic -- how they pronounce words, enunciate different syllables, and the overall volume and diction that they use, and try to, not mimic their sound, but use parts of theirs that you like in yours? although i really like how you sounded on "String", so maybe just listen to that song again? that song had shorter lines though, and maybe that's why you're sounding more rushed on this song and you were more comfortable on that one.?

ahhh also i just noticed the whispered part at the end now that i was listening more closely and its soooo cool!!! i love that!

[_sunsets64.]

oh, also, you were right, it didn't sound weird at all saying "coffin" in the song, it worked really well

[Autumnwind]

Hmm, I'm thinking it sounds rushed because there are too many syllables inbetween each break. Like every new line, theres a ton of syllables so I think I'm trying to rap them out way too fast trying to beat the buzzer. Maybe if I slowed the beat down it would work.

And oh yeah, It took me like 2 solid (solid meaning almost 48 hours) of working on this piece (singing wise) to get the emotions I wanted. The emotions are fine (in my head) I just think the microphone is doing a crappy job catching them :/

I think a lot of my problems will be fixed with a new mic. But slowing down the beat and practicing the lyrics a lot more will solve the other half

[_sunsets64.]

Hmm, I'm thinking it sounds rushed because there are too many syllables inbetween each break. Like every new line, theres a ton of syllables so I think I'm trying to rap them out way too fast trying to beat the buzzer. Maybe if I slowed the beat down it would work.

^^true, that makes sense

And oh yeah, It took me like 2 solid (solid meaning almost 48 hours) of working on this piece (singing wise) to get the emotions I wanted. The emotions are fine (in my head) I just think the microphone is doing a crappy job catching them :/

I think a lot of my problems will be fixed with a new mic. But slowing down the beat and practicing the lyrics a lot more will solve the other half

oh yeah, i must have missed that above where you said you needed to get a new mic, sorry about that! and yeah, slowing it down a bit will probably help, along with the mic.
sorry for all my annoying criticism! i'd love to hear it when you rerecord though!

[Autumnwind]

Originally Posted by _sunsets64.

^^true, that makes sense


oh yeah, i must have missed that above where you said you needed to get a new mic, sorry about that! and yeah, slowing it down a bit will probably help, along with the mic.
sorry for all my annoying criticism! i'd love to hear it when you rerecord though!

Oh it's fine! It's not annoying.

And I might re-record. Probably

But I really want to finish the other songs first, just to get an album together. Maybe ask for a few donations here and there from people to try and work my way up to the Microphone

[_sunsets64.]

you know what you should do, you should get the album put together, put it online, and have it as a free download with a donation option, so that people can download your music, which would spread your music around and get you more feedback and fans, and people who decide they want to donate money can do that too, which would help you with the microphone

[Autumnwind]

Oh I have a sound-cloud. People can download, not donate quite yet. I'm probably going to just work my ass off for the microphone =p honestly

But this is where I'll be having the whole album, song by song.

http://soundcloud.com/convalesce/

[_sunsets64.]

huh, I've never used soundcloud before, but that's cool.
and good luck with the microphone! you seem like a hard worker, so i'm sure you can pull it off!

[Autumnwind]

Originally Posted by _sunsets64.

huh, I've never used soundcloud before, but that's cool.
and good luck with the microphone! you seem like a hard worker, so i'm sure you can pull it off!

Thank you, very much

[_sunsets64.]

You're welcome