My recent poetry - Five poems

[TheBabyEater]

Thoughts? If I get good feedback I'll upload more. If not I won't waste space


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Laughter

Child's laughter
Cutting deafening silence
Examine surroundings
Isolation
Nothingness

Swallow the pills
Take your meds
Become sane like
The rest of us

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Live Again

Trees fall
Dying, burning
Ashes to ashes to ashes
Buildings collapsing
Faith Drowning
Ashes to ashes to ashes

Rise up in fire
Swords aflame
Writhing in heat
Pleasure and pain

Give out a screech
Your hearts a fire
Take from their souls
Each one a liar

Into the sky
Never been so high
Into the sky
Never felt so high

Ashes to ashes to ashes


Pyromaniac
See dead in their eyes
Never seen the stars
Never flew the skies

Let them hear you
Scream far and wide
Let them see you
No place to hide

Into the sky
Never been so high
Into the sky
Never felt so high

Ashes to ashes to ashes

Trees fall
Dying, burning
Buildings collapsing
Faith drowning
Screams soaring
People writhing
Crying, dying
Birthing, flying

Ashes to ashes to-

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Under the tree..

Rest Child
Under the Tree
Which bears no life

Succumb to the beauty
Succumb to the death
See pleasure in pain
And the fight of life

The Magic of the
Darkness
The Light of the
Night

Stars shine down
Through branches of air
Nothingness
Behold His smile

His grin
His tear
His laughter
His fears

King of Darkness
Princess of Night
Under the tree
Which bears no life

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Occupy My Time

Breathe down my neck
Press your body against mine
Whisper soft words in my ear
In and out
Up and down
In sync with our bodies
Out of touch with our emotions
Our lust has a tendency
To take over our hearts

You can't ignore what we have
We have this night, that is all
Don't tell me this means nothing
This is exactly what it looks like
You can't run and hide anymore
Accept this is nothing

But keep the night going sweetheart
Keep this moment forever
Rhythm of love
Timing of danger
Eye closed bliss
Lights turned low
Candle flickering
It shows against your chest
And dances in your eyes

Don't let this stop
Tell me what you want
I know you're close
Tell me you love me
You're absolutely amazing
Tell me what he means to you

Let me live this moment up to its fullest
You weren't supposed to fall in love
I kissed your neck and not your mouth for a reason

The time is almost near to go
You weren't supposed to look in my eyes
A final moment of gratification and heartache

You fell for me with the last push
When we simultaneously ended our night
As I thought of him and you thought of me

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Night Closet

My hands are dry, unable to move
My lips are cracked, longing to speak
To scream really
Of the night

What night?
The ones of arguments
Or the ones of abandonment
The ones of endless dreams
Or the ones of stark cielings

But I try and I try to sleep well
To sleep alone
But I cant, the bandages wont allow me
He wont allow me
I try for you, but I never matters

Because I'll always slip again
To scrape my knees
I never take the medicine.
Fuck it.

I broke apart that pretty blue pill
And fed the dust to the earth
I want the world to be happy,
Not me.

So I cant really complain,
I drove myself into the closet.

[Houseman]

I liked the first one the most, descriptive and consistent. And the second really reminded me of a sort of E.E. Cummings crossed with Emily Dickinson.

[Akito]

Your poems have intriguing concepts. "Laughter" has an unsettling, echo-like feel to it that suits its composition very well, much like the cutoff in "Live Again" which also unsettles the reader and creates a reverberating atmosphere. I love the imagery in "Under the tree..", of "The Magic of the Darkness/ The Light of the Night" and the people sitting "under the Tree which bears no life". This poem is also unsettling; I think most of these poems have dark twists. I love the twist in "Occupy My Time":

You can't ignore what we have
We have this night, that is all

The speaker, rather than declaring passion for a one night stand as a usual poem about such a subject would (I haven't heard of too many that declare indifference or...not passion), directs the one night stand not to view the night as passion, but to "accept this [it] as nothing". The one night stand was merely something to "occupy" the speaker's time. The speaker didn't intend for the other person to "fall in love", but he or she did anyway, further complicating the love "triangle" "as I [the speaker] thought of him [another love] and you [the other person] thought of me [the speaker]".

"Night Closet" seems bitter, as though the speaker resents his or her imprisonment, that he or she is not allowed to "sleep and sleep well". To escape the imprisonment, the speaker will not take the ordinary, prescribed medicine, but will take a "pretty blue pill" instead. The speaker places fault on him or herself for the imprisonment, that "I [he or she] drove myself [him or herself] into the closet". It is implied that the speaker feels responsible because he or she has a way out, the "pretty blue pill", and is bitter because he or she continued to choose imprisonment over it.

Overall, well done on all of them. : )

[TheBabyEater]

Oh wow, thanks guys. Especially you Amy I love compliments and everything, but a real critique is amazing. Thanks!!

[Akito]

Sure thing. I know how much critiques for my own writing mean to me, and I actually enjoy reciprocating or providing the favor.

[GoneBeyondRepair]

i really like them all. my favorite i think would have to be Night Closet.
great job!