Love and destruction

[Beetbox]

The love that was once billowing
Tempered by a sail of devotion,
It strengthened the denied flying,
Destruction only a puff away.

It was the silicon of the happiness,
It was the game, the queen of hearts,
It was the melody of the faithful,
It was the game, press the off button.

I danced with the cherubs of the future,
they whispered of loves destructive forces.
I decided to follow the fallen...
_________________________________

Collapsed now,
Broken wings,
Torn apart,
A feather.

Dislodged from the gale that kept love alive,
Picking feathers from my masticated wings.
I ripped you from my waltz, discarded you,
trailing in my shadow, grabbing for my wings,
you fall encased in my shredded feathers,
alone.

Don't come back for me now,
I left you, destroying myself,
Who do you think you are,
I'll never be yours assassin.

Here I kneel rapped in rags and garments of silk,
Here is where I make my last stand without you.

[TheBabyEater]

Yo

In PM you said it was shit, but I don't see that at all. You don't give yourself near enough credit. I think it is, once again, an amazing poem. You say you put in too much imagery, but imagery is good! I personally LOVE imagery. It's stories and poems with no imagery that are bad, take Twilight for example. I never know what to really write in critiques, I'm not good at them, but some lines that stood out to me:

It was the silicon of the happiness,
It was the game, the queen of hearts,
It was the melody of the faithful,
It was the game, press the off button.
(I really dig the repetition!)

Collapsed now,
Broken wings,
Torn apart,
A feather.
(Especially ending on A feather, really cool)

Here I kneel rapped in rags and garments of silk,
Here is where I make my last stand without you.
(Again, imagery rocks right here broski)

[Beetbox]

Thanks a bunch hun. I just really felt like writing and that's what came out. I never really think about my writings if I do they come out very bad.

[GoneBeyondRepair]

i really like ths! its sooo good great job! c;