Triggering (Suicide): A Long Road

[Hopeful(?)]

Here are three poems I wrote a while ago -- all are untitled. The first one I wrote while I was suicidal / attempting suicide. The second one was written as I struggled to break out of my depression, bad habits, etc. And the third I wrote as I started to feel better and recover.
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That happy child.
The one everyone thought
Was fine,
Had a secret.
A secret no one knew,
Or could possibly have guessed.
His sadness and fear,
They lay beneath the surface,
Beneath the joy
Pushing to escape.
Until that one day
When enough is enough
And the sadness and fear
They break through the barrier
And end up on a rope
Hanging
From the ceiling.
That happy child,
The one everyone thought
Was fine,
Had finally found
His escape,
His bliss,
His happiness.
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I’m tired of this.
Sometimes I wonder
Is life worth the pain?
What keeps me going?
Sometimes I don’t know.
But I have to know.
Otherwise, why am I here?
Do I matter?
To anyone?
What about to myself?
I’m just so tired of this.
Of life.
Death doesn’t scare me.
I see it as an end.
A necessary end.
So why not end it now?
And end the bad?
Does the bad outweigh the good?
Can they coexist?
Can I exist?
I’m tired of this.
What keeps me going?
Maybe the idea that it will get better.
The promise of something better.
I’m tired of this.
But I know I need to keep going.
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So this is what happiness feels like.
I guess I forgot.
The joy one can feel.
The lightness of the world.
Things seem better.
Brighter.
More alive.
I can’t explain it.
But it’s just so nice.
So calming.
So amazing.
This happiness.
I forgot what it was like.
To feel happiness.
To feel like anything is possible.
To feel this surge of energy within me.
To feel that things will get better
To know that things are better.
I guess I forgot.
What happiness was.
But I hope I never forget again.

[Complete Love.]

Wow ... Very deep. I can picture and completely relate from where you are coming from. Very well written and wonderful word choice, good job! I hope all is well. Stay strong don't forget you have people to talk to on TH if you need to talk or anything I'm open to pm anytime feel free Merry Christmas God bless you