Triggering (Suicide): He, Alone.

[brokensmilexx]

Alright, this is different from the usual style I write in..please let me know what you think about this piece (: !



Twisted lips forced into a grimace of a smile
Uncomfortable aching coming from the muscles unused for years
The two points always facing toward the ground, now facing the sky
As a painful cry breaks out from deep within the soul
Of this confused human being

Colourful rings around his eyes, bags drooping underneath like hammocks
Pain, unknown sacrifice and burdens burn within his eyes in a single fiery spark
The feeling of an unknown force always surrounds his being
Leaving an edge of something in every conversation he encounters

Who he was, has been long lost in the battle of imagination and fears
Letting his own mind corrupt his sane being and fill him with emotions too unbearable
His eyebrows will forever be furrowed in a way of exasperated hurt and disbelief
His forehead shall always be wrinkled with lines of worry
His soul will always be crying out for help, until the day it finally dies
When it finally sumbcomes to the darkness
Allowing every inch to be drenched in hate and criticism, covering the true layers
With nothing but black, suffocating it till it's turned into a demonic monster of destruction

Hunched over shoulders giving the interpretation gravity is weighing him down
Eyes cast to the floor, never meeting another pair
Afraid of opening his mouth in front of anyone, for the fear of dust flying out
From all the years he kept it shut, not wanting to slip any secrets
Not wanting to let anyone in, to have them see him for who he truly is
To see him at his weakest, when he realized he wasn't invincible and should have asked for help
But too stubborn and proud was he, so he took it on himself to cure this thing

But years had passed, and slowly it took over
He forgot how to talk, how to laugh, how to enjoy the world around him
Cuts old and new cover his skin, perfect lines in rows upon rows
A neat, orderly, everyday procedure
To tear at his own skin, with a razor blade so crisp and sharp
Allowing him to feel freed by everything as blood drips down, focusing his mind finally
He reeks of despair and agony, it clings to all his clothes

He stands all alone, against these imaginary beasts hiding deep inside him
Too afraid to show weakness, to grab someone's hand for help against the brutal mongrels he conjured up
His twisted lips are forced into a grimace of a smile,
As deep inside he feels himself going to war
All by himself
He knows it’s over already, he can feel they’ve won before it even starts
But he charges head on, fighting everything and everyway he can
Trying to destroy what had destroyed him so many years ago
But not even half way through the battle he knows he is done for.
The dark is suffocating him now, filling his lungs and nostrils
Seeping into every pore he has, intoxicating him in an unsettling manor

His lips twist upwards again, muscles still straining to show his yellowed teeth
Beneath his mournful lips
He held his smile, all the while pushing his razor deep within his neck
Feeling the skin rip open, the slight pinching pain, the blood dripping..
As he makes yet another perfect line, the biggest and deepest one.

He falls to the floor, blood gushing out in pulses from his neck
Muscles going relaxed, black finally settling in around him
He closes his eyes, as he lies in his own blood.
And as he waits for death to come and sweep him up in his arms
His smile is truly genuine

[escape_thereal_world]

I love the content of the piece. The only thing I don't like is how large the stanzas are. When I first look at the piece, I go "O_O Wow, that's several paragraphs!"

So, instead, see if you can break it down to more stanzas (just a suggestion, you don't HAVE to )

But yes, the wording and the piece in whole is so sad and moving! It's like an entire story in one poem. Great job.

[brokensmilexx]

Yeah, I realized it looked really long with the stanzas so big, so thank you for the suggestion! I might mess around with it on my computer ; p
And thank you! I'm glad you liked it (:

<33