A State Of Shock

[DancingSimplicity]

I wrote this little story just now, because that's just what I do at 1 am Feel free to post any suggestions you have!

As I walked into the cold and unpleasant room, I knew that something seemed different. I sat down on the uninviting ledge, which was cold and covered in condensation from the windows. The mysterious, bitter piano music, which was coming from nearby, filled the room with bewilderment. It seemed perfect for the mood that she was trying to create. When she sat down in front of the group, everyone suddenly acted uneasy. I wondered what was going to happen. She looked across the room, and from the looks on their faces, the suspense was killing them. Silence filled the room. As she started to speak, I felt a little nervous. What she said shocked me greatly, and the shock grew along with the silence afterward. Aside from a few "Where are you going?" type responses from the baffled group, everyone remained silent. I thought about how much things would change, and how different life would be. I looked at the dreary November sky, and noticed how much it matched my mood. I knew that the good days would be numbered, and I was going to have to live them like they were my last. Emotions ran through my body like a river. It turned out to be the most shocking day in my life, and the day that left the biggest impact on my life.

[Colored Shadows]

Hey Caroline,

This is a gorgeous piece! I really enjoyed reading it; it's very well-written! I'm impressed at you wrote it at 1am, as usually I am much too out of it to even completely understand what exactly it is I'm doing at 1am. I can't imagine writing!

But really, lovely piece. It was very relatable. I often have thoughts like this too, and this just worded it beautifully. I have a couple suggestions:

I sat down on the uninviting ledge, which was cold and covered in condensation from the windows. The mysterious, bitter piano music, which was coming from nearby, filled the room with bewilderment.

I love the imagery here, first of all! Gorgeous! I only think that perhaps you should reword the second sentence, as using the phrase "which was" two sentences in a row begins to sound somewhat repetitive. Maybe you could change it to something like:

I sat down on the uninviting ledge, which was cold and covered in condensation from the windows. The mysterious, bitter piano music, [removed] coming from nearby, filled the room with bewilderment.

She looked across the room, and from the looks on their faces, the suspense was killing them. Silence filled the room.

Again, just the repetition. Perhaps you could try:

She looked across the room, and from the looks on their faces, the suspense was killing them. Silence surrounded them.

But really, I loved this piece and hope you will continue writing! Keep it up!

[DancingSimplicity]

Thank you! It really means a lot to me