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Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share yours with us here!

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makeupshadow Offline
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this poem - January 27th 2012, 03:36 AM

Ok so I like this girl andi tried to make it from the heart. So I found a good poem and made most of it into my own words. I would like feedback about it cuz right now I'm just brain storming really. Im gunna give it to her on valentines day so here's what I came up with:

Like the stars in the sky, I connect to the sparkles in your eyes
I daydream and can only hope that you will fold your hand with mine.
I gave myself to people that didn't have the priviledge.
so I searched on a trail to find a cute princess.
I feel it is u that should be connected to my hand, conjointed to my lips,
To give me those constant, adorable giggles, and warm sweet hugs that swing me to heaven.
I love u for how sweet and adorable u r. I would like the priviledge to spend time with u my love. So please, send me a sign- your secret lover
   
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Re: this poem - January 27th 2012, 06:05 AM

Hey there, I moved this over to Self Expression because you are asking for feedback on a poem and not relationship advice.
I like it though, it has excellent word choice



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Re: this poem - January 27th 2012, 09:40 AM

Quote:
Like the stars in the sky, I connect to the sparkles in your eyes
That first line really drew me in! This poem is lovely and has nice word choice! The girl that you wrote this for is very lucky and I'm sure she'll love it!




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Dez Offline
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Re: this poem - January 29th 2012, 03:21 AM

This is really nice. I agree, I'm sure she'll really love this.


Sing, the last thing on your mind
The last word on your breath
I'll be the one to keep you
I'll keep you at your best



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