Triggering: Does anyone know how it is to have no friends?

[foreveryoung18]

No one ever since kindergarten never went over any friend's house. Had no sisters or brothers and had no parent's friends. The dad died the mom never really had friends at least around her child. Growing up without any friends or school just homeschool and no neighbors because your mom's paranoia keeps you stuck in the box like apartment. What if your mom tells you all the bad about the world outside and how she would sink and how unstable and retarded she is and brings a therapist to tell her the same but the psychiatrist says she's fine. She's never been deemed as crazy only by what she does but nothing in her mind. She gets on her own for the first time and her mom persuades her to go to vegas with her she does on a free ride she promises to give her seven hundred to help her when she gets down there. When she gets down there she says she can't pay her and she is confused where she is she has no place to go and her mother is verbally breaking her down. Where can she go she wants to go to a shelter but right now she's fragile and she's just not able to do anything in her life all she wants to do is put a bullet in her mom's head for everything she can't handle her. She can't understand why she was meant to be alive. All she wants is to scar her mom's face up at least to make her feel how she's felt for giving her symptoms of social anxiety. She wishes the person who killed her would die. She'll never get back certain things. Childhood never comes back. You get it once and to spend one in a small apartment with nobody but a negative mom and negative police officers and an octigenerian therapist. Sometimes she can't wait when she has kids of her own that's like the only chance she'll get to ever just see what she missed it will hurt but that in every way is all she lives for when she can hopefully give the life she never had. At the same time she wants everyone else to feel pain but it is nice to feel liked by anything that's always positive. Never even as simple as an animal has ever been fond of her. But she's not nice she just wished something or someone felt her pain she makes an effort to isolate an animal that's meant to be social she doesn't feed it all the time she wants her to be a little miserable finally something she can control and ruin like she was ruined even if it's a small animal. Anything who doesn't hurt will do. Even though this animal is her comfort when she is down she can't help it she needs to let out the hate and that can only go to the animal.... She has nothing else. She's also considered killing her mom's dog because he caused her so much trouble. She can't help but hate the world that's all they've shown. They've shown. She has no choice but to hate.....That's all she's known she just wish she knew something else. She can't help but feeling the feeling people have shown her....

[Amberpamber]

So sad but nicely written.