Triggering (Substances): Vice Grip

[Autumnwind]

Hello. I've come to you with Vices Part 1, Vices Part 2, and here is the finished product with Part 3 added. I would absolutely love some criticism on this piece. It is by far my favorite so far, and I'm extremely proud of it.

This poem / song means a lot to me. As a recent friend passed away the Monday before last. He was the heart and soul of the community we live in. He took his own life with drugs. And I have some of him intertwined in this poem, it was inspiration, not about him. I am currently trying to write something about him.

But this is the reason why I haven't been on much lately, which I apologize for. I would love to keep the writing contest open and such. I'm terribly sorry for the delay. Anyway, to the writing. This is "Vice Grip" really hope you enjoy.

Eyes closed, throat sore, and hiccups making her head rock
You can see the glow of the joint, she can't stop
Life's in lock, feels lost, still stuck in this pot
She's been swimming in since the last time she looked at the clock
Contradiction, is killing her slowly
Trying to forget she needs a new filling for holy
Feeling lonely, her cieling is folding
Reaching for her soul she's leaping for her soul
She tries to feel whole but feels nothing but a hole
In her heart and mind, cutting every single string of hope
Still trying to cope over the fact she needs to cope
Bleeds for hope, needs more than dope, to feel her cloak
She needs to find out how to free her quotes
Or else no ones gonna listen and her creed becomes a scapegoat
But even if you knew her, you wouldn't even know
'Cause the mask she wears emulates a faulty glow

You can see it in his eyes when he talks about his father
A gentle suicide is all he can recall
He gets through it by forming red lines under his eyelids
With the snow he lets melt in his nose so he can to stop cryin'
He stops trying to find an answer to live life
So he grabs another potent rock of ice
So he can drown in his vice, crown the sacrifice
Down in paradise where the proud is just parasite
And he doesn't know why life has to be this cut and dry
He tries to deny he relies on being high
But he'd rather die than defy what keeps him alive
He walks blind into the shadow of death feeling just fine
Everything is numb, and he can hardly open his eyes
But he still staggers into the unforgiving night
When they found him, he was wearing nothing but a smile
It looked as if he dreamed this for years, and it was just time

You wrestle the images both your brain and mirror portray
Every single day theres something someone has to say
About the way you live your life and how you make it day to day
Just trying to make your pay and have fun along the way
Yes you do drugs, and yes you're probably insane
But when pain is gain to reign over your slain chains
You'll walk any path to avoid the rain
Fill the void in your veins just to feign the grace
Shame among your name to avoid the hurricane
Destroy your decoys 'cause you're right in deaths face
Life is fucking plain when you're not illegally insane
Grievously you regain your deity from flame
Engulf your nightmares with the fire from being enslaved
Finally obtain the shivers you've been trying to sustain
Through the lying and small-town fame - the object to contain
The feeling of defying the concept of humane

[Autumnwind]

Bump for criticism

[Tigereyes]

I really love this, even more than before now that I've seen it together. To be honest, I really can't think of anything to critize and I'm normally pretty good at giving critizism. I think it's amazing the way it is.

And I'm sorry for your loss. It must be really hard to lose a friend. If you want someone to talk to, I'll listen.

[Dez]

You never cease to amaze me. I'm also sorry about your friend.

[Autumnwind]

Originally Posted by Dez

You never cease to amaze me. I'm also sorry about your friend.

Thank you both Tiger Eyes and Dez for the amazing compliments and support <3

Seriously

[GoneBeyondRepair]

as i said over fb, this is amayizng. i love it.

[Autumnwind]

Thank you so much! <3 Much love ^_^