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Exclamation I really need your help - January 28th 2019, 10:04 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]This may sound like a really really awful YA novel, except it has no ending, but I really want to ďwriteĒ one. Thanks in advance for reading.

My name is Liza and in the first two years of high school, even one part of the third, I had a bestfriend Steve. We could share a lot, went out together and just had fun all the time. There was a lot of chemistry between us and we even went to a school dance together. Everyone thought we would end up together in the end.

Come last couple months of my junior year, I started dating another classmate of mine, but that turned out to be a mistake. Steve has been there for me through all the hard times, but he got colder at the same time. i couldnít talk to him as much and he has found himself new friends. Even when I broke up with my ex, he was still not as friendly to me as he used to be.

Weíre together in couple of our classes and Iím not mad that he has a whole new group of friends. Heís not perfect and not my best friend for a long time now, but we still talk sometimes. We still have a lot in common, but I feel like we canít share any of that. Heís not confortable around me anymore. EXCEPT (!) when we are alone or meet in the hallway. Then, he flirts with me, compliments me and uses our secret greeting. In class, itís another story.

I really like him. I think about him more and more. Especially when the day comes and he flirts with me, I canít get him out of my head for days. I wish we would talk as we did in the old days, maybe I wish for something more??

Heís really immature too, he has never had a girlfriend and is really careless and irresponsible. Iím way too grown to be dealing with that. So I wouldnít want a relationship. But at the same time, heís really attractive and kind and charming. I canít stop thinking about him and I donít know what that means?

What bothers me the most is that he flirts with all the other girls too. And he talks to some more than he talks to me. So he canít possibly like me back. I am cold to him sometimes too, but it is because I donít like how he treats me like everyone else. I also tell all my friends that I donít like him (which is clearly not true) so I canít talk to them about this.

I need help and answers to what could this be? what should i do? am i crushing on him? how can i forget him? should i completely separate myself from him or force myself back into his life? how to start a conversation that wonít seem as unnatural as all the others i have with him??

sorry if that sounded confused, but it is exactly what i am now.
thanks for listening.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: I really need your help - January 30th 2019, 01:59 AM

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Black"][SIZE="2"]Hello Liza,

Thank you for reaching out to TeenHelp and using the Guest Advice Box about what is going on for you.

Have you talked to Steve about how you are feeling about the mixed messages he is giving you about the flirting?

Steve, might not know how to express how he is feeling so it comes out as cold. He could be nervous. You mentioned at the beginning of your post that you both used to hang out a lot and even went to a school dance together. Do you think he might be confused or hurt even that you decided to date someone else instead of him?

I am asking because you mentioned that he is "immature" and hasn't had a girlfriend yet and both of you were really close. Maybe he developed feelings towards you in those two years.

Talking with Steve about your feelings and how you feel can be really helpful and I think it can be helpful for Steve as well.

I wouldn't just forget about what happened, ignoring it doesn't solve anything and forcing someone back into your life isn't healthy either. Having a conversation with him is a good start and it might feel uncomfortable at first but being able to talk to him will help answer a lot of your questions you have about him. If it feels unnatural to talk to him, you can practice what you would like to say to him. Create a bullet list, short but to the point of important topics, you would like to talk about. This can help you to know what you would like to focus on talking with him about.

For an example of a bullet list, I will use an example of "going to the doctor".
- Need to discuss flu shot -> risks, side effects
- Medications -> new refills, discuss new side effects and concerns
- Sore foot -> concerned, discuss why the foot is sore

You can also bring the list with you when you talk to him so you won't forget anything important. You can also write down questions you want to ask him as well.

I hope this was a little bit of help. If you need anything else, feel free to write back.

Take care, Liza.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]


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