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Siblings - March 30th 2019, 07:54 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hey, Iím writing about a really strange issue, please donít judge.

I live with my mum and my Nan, and I see my dad occasionally, mostly just Christmas and on my birthday. My mum has never been with anyone else. I have always been quite a lonely kid, and Iíve never really had much independence. Iíve always wanted a sibling, but of course thatís never came since my mums never been with anyone else. My dad a year or so ago had a baby with his wife, and I really wanted to meet it, because for me I thought this was going to be my chance for a sibling. But my mum told my dad I didnít want anything to do with the baby or his wife. Which was false obviously. The only picture Iíve seen of the baby was my dads phone screensaver, but I donít think I was meant to see that either. All of the kids in my family are older, we havenít had any newborns in years. But my uncles ex has had another baby, but I wonít even get to see that because heís technically not my cousin. Now the other night I had a dream, we had moved house and Iíd got a sister. And it just made me think how much Iíve wanted a sibling, when I woke up I geniunley thought I had a sister, and was disappointed when I didnít. All this has just left me sad. My mums not gonna be getting with anyone soon now. Iím just jealous of people with siblings who say they donít want them.

I guess this isnít really an issue as such, but I kinda feel better now Iíve wote it all out. Please reply to me if you can say something relevant. Btw - Iím 14... Thank u xx[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: Siblings - March 30th 2019, 08:35 PM

I'm sorry that your mom lied to your dad about that. It sounds like maybe she's resentful of the fact that your dad was starting a new family and didn't want to lose the only family she had left by having you be in your siblings life. That's obviously incredibly selfish of her, but I would assume it comes from a place of pain so I (and you) should try to be empathetic about why your mom would do something like that.

I do think that you can remedy the situation though. It sucks that you have to step and and "adult" where your mom failed, but it would be a good idea for you to reach out to your dad, whether by phone, email, or letter, and let him know that you're sorry he was told that you want nothing to do with his baby and that it's not true. That you just didn't know how to handle the situation because you didn't want to hurt your mom by fighting about it, but that you want him to know you really want to know your sibling.

You can also let your mom know that you love her but that it really hurt you that she lied about you not wanting to know your sibling and that you plan to try to remedy that so you can get to know your sibling.

You can ask your dad to meet your sibling and spent time with him/her and apologize for any pain that the lie caused him.

Also, can I ask why you rarely see your dad? Does he have custody at all?
   
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Re: Siblings - March 30th 2019, 08:59 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi and thanks for the reply....

My dad used to visit me most weekends but since about 4 years ago he moved a lot further away for his work. And of course heís got his own family too. I feel like he would visit more though if he could, he wanted me to see my sister, it was just my mum. As for talking to my mum Iím unsure. She really doesnít like talking about my dad or his family, and I just donít want her to think she isnít enough. I donít really know why they broke up, but it was when I was about two or three. I just really donít like bringing it up... but like you said a bit, I donít think she likes that heís starting up his own family, she was crying after he told her his wife was pregnant. Iím not even allowed to see his wife, although I have met her a few times before her and my dad started getting serious, thanks again x[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: Siblings - March 30th 2019, 10:53 PM

[FONT="Trebuchet MS"][COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"][SIZE="3"][B]Hi there, thank you for utilizing the guest/anonymous feature here on TeenHelp.

I am sorry your mom told your father that you did not want anything to do with your new sibling. It really does seem like you are upset about it and want to meet them. You've never had a brother or sister and, after all these years, you finally get one. I would sit down with your mother and talk to her about this. If she refuses to hear you out, then I suggest letting her know she should speak to a professional to work out her issues.[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: Siblings - March 31st 2019, 02:41 PM

You could always tell your mom that, let her know how much you love her and how much you value everything that she's done for you, but that you also love your dad and don't want to feel like you can't have a relationship with him too. You can let her know that you haven't pushed the issue because you can see how much your dad remarrying and having a baby with his wife hurts you, but you really want to know your sibling. Let her know that it doesn't mean you will leave her or be with her less though
   
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