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Coping with Grief - May 13th 2019, 04:32 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I've never posted in a forum before, so I hope I'm doing this right.
I'd really like some advice. Or anything really. Please bear through my akward rambling, haha.

My best friend killed herself. I figure that's an okay way to start this? To the point at least?
Anyways. She was absolutely awesome. I don't think words can do justice when describing her. I don't think anything can. And that's what I'm afraid of.
Whenever I look at a photo of her, it's like she's a stranger. I have a vague recollection of how she looked and acted and portrayed herself. But it never matches a photo. So all I have are memories, which have been iffy for the past few months. I don't want to forget her.
A week after she died, I was talking with another friend of mine. She had known suicide-girl for a little less than a year, but they were never really close despite talking with each other every day. So I was talking to her about how I blamed myself for suicide-girl's death. Other-friend looked me in the eye and said "it's been a week. It's time to move on." At first I thought she was joking but she confirmed that she wasn't. So I was okay with that, I didn't take it to heart because I knew that everyone heals in different methods and at different paces. She was probably just coping with the loss differently than I was.
But apparently so is everyone else. I've tried talking with other friends. They either outright refuse to, or change the subject. Thus I tried talking with my parents. Well, technically, they tried talking with me. But as soon as I opened up to them they shut me down and changed the topic. Which makes sense- it's an akward thing to talk about and I'm glad that at least they tried.
However, all of this means that I have very few places to safely vent about my thoughts to. Over the past few months I haven't had anyone to reinforce and add to my memories.
I don't want to forget her. I'd rather die of grief than that.
It may be selfish, but I wish that someone would at least tell me how she did it.

I've thought about killing myself. I've thought of myself as a terrible person. But due to the support of my "system-mates"(a tulpa and a walk-in- I've only been part of a system[I'm the host] for about a long as my friend has been dead), I think I'm doing better now. We're all making sure everybody's okay. I don't want to put them in any danger.
I'm trying to be a better friend and a better person. I'm hesitant to jump into the whole "self-care positivity" thing, but I've found it easier to help others then I'm helping myself. And vise-versa too.

So what exactly is it that I'm getting at? Honestly, I don't know. I'm just a really young teenager who's trying to figure out what's going on.
Does anyone have advice on how to cope with the loss of my friend? Or how to not endanger my "system-mates" with my negativity? How to not endanger myself? How to be a better person?
Honestly, if you know anything about any one of these topics, even if it's just a sentence worth, I'd appreciate it so much.

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Re: Coping with Grief - May 14th 2019, 03:58 AM

Hey there,

I think the first thing that needs to be said is that there is no time frame on grief. People telling you to move on after a week are wrong because one cannot know when they are going to move on. To be honest, I don't think that people move on from a death. I think we learn to cope and live without the loved one. I lost someone a close to three years ago and I haven't moved on. I've learned to live without them but I still miss them quite a lot. I think you might find the same thing happens for you too.

Something that might help is if you could talk to a grief counselor or get into a group for people dealing with grief. I also think that losing someone to suicide adds another component and it would probably be a very good idea if you could find a safe place to talk about the loss. I know finding a therapist or a group might be difficult but it could end up proving beneficial.

Best regards.


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