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Small ammount of advice needed. - June 12th 2020, 08:24 AM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hey, I'm going to try to keep this as brief as I can, despite not being good at that. I'm a terribly shy person, and I've recently developed romantic feelings about one of my classmates, but I've never had a real conversation with them. The first question is: do you think that it's weird to develop romantic feelings about them, given that I've never had a fully-fledged conversation with them yet?

Before I list context for the second question, I want to mention that it sounds incredibly superficial, but the reason I'm asking this is because I want to use it as a stepping-stone to be able to get to know them better, but both our accounts are on private (for good reason), along with as it's almost summer break, Social Media is going to be the only way to communicate. The second question is based about how on a social media platform (Instagram), I've followed and received followers from a few people at my school, but that was because they were all the ones who followed me first. The question is as follows: should I either wait and not follow them first, or follow them first. The pros and cons for them are: Option A: pros - I don't have to go through the anxiety-provoking thing that is following them, and there's still a chance that they might follow me without me having to do that first. cons - They might not follow me first, and I'd make it more difficult for me to follow them than it already is in the future. Option B: pros - If they accept then I'm able to get to know them. Cons - If they don't accept the request, then I will both not be able to get to know them much, but I'll also have to deal with emotions similar to rejection.

This post was not meant to be nearly this long, but alas, here we are. Thanks for reading![/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]
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Re: Small ammount of advice needed. - June 14th 2020, 03:46 AM

Hi there!

Thanks for your question! From your post you seem to be a school-going teenager, and this is a normal kind of conundrum to have

It's not at all weird to develop feelings for someone you have not spoken to; at least that has happened with me many a time. I started off like you in high school many years ago, having a crush on my classmate without having spoken to him, and eventually ended up becoming his friend. And more recently, I sent a LinkedIn request (after a lot of anxious deliberation) to another person I had my eye on for a while but never spoke to, and he accepted it. Anyhow, things can go both ways, it's up to us to take that risk!

It's good that you have deliberated the pros and cons of each option. It also depends on your interactions with your crush. Now, I know you have not spoken to them, but are there any other forms of indirect contact you've had with them? Eye-contact, for example? Or maybe a hi and bye sort of thing? Those things will increase your odds of being followed back. Regardless, it appears that your crush knows you - they might not know you like them, but they know you as a classmate. So if you ask me, that's already reason enough to send them a follow request.

I know how anxiety-provoking it is to hit that "follow" button (I've been there!), but it's just worth a shot. Especially given your current scenario (i.e. summer holidays are going to start and you don't have much opportunity to contact them). Telling yourself prior to sending them a follow request that they might not accept it/follow you back is also a good pre-emptive thing to do to prepare your mind for the worst case scenario. I know how horrible it feels to be ignored by your crush, but just remember one thing - even if they don't accept, it's not the end of the world! You will feel bad for a while, but you never know, once the school term starts again you might have another opportunity to get to know them! I didn't talk to my high-school crush for 3 school semesters though I liked him all through that time, and finally became friends with him only in our last semester of junior college (senior year of high school). So don't give up even if they don't accept your follow request now.

Overall, I'd say take your shot! It's a better option than waiting for them to send you a follow request - like you said, there is always that possibility that they might not send you a follow request. I've learnt it the hard way that if we want something, we have to put our foot forward first rather than wait for the other person to make the first move, because the reality is that they don't know that we feel a certain way for them. In other words, the ball is in your court!

You might need to prepare yourself mentally first. Personally, it took me days of plucking my courage to send my crushes follow request. Take your time, but go for it. Once the both of you connect, you can send a simple hi message like "Hi there! I want to stay in touch with everyone over the summer. We haven't spoken much during school, what are you up to these days?"

Good luck, and keep us updated!

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