TeenHelp - I'm just so lonely

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I'm just so lonely

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am just so unbelievably lonely. I have three wonderful best friends and some other good close friends. My issue is that i've never had a boyfriend. I am 16, I model, I'm a really nice person, I always try to find the best in everyone and I am generally very optimistic. I am also very picky. I want a guy that loves me for me, a real relationship, I have to find him attractive too hah.

My problem is that I have a really heavy past and family life. My sister tried to commit suicide in October, my grandpa and three othe family members died in the past two and a hlaf years. I was severely depressed, had no friends, was anorexic, and was sad every day. I have since been recovering but I need someone that can handle my past and help me when I hit sad/rough patches. I just don't know where to start. Any ideas on where I can find this mystery guy? I know a guy won't fix everyhing but it would help my self esteem a lot which is rather low at the moment... Anyway if you've read this far thank you and if you can give me any advice I would really appreciate it.

Re: I'm just so lonely

Tell me about it Alexa! It seems like sometimes no matter how hard you try, it's impossible to find the "mr. right". That sort of sick of being single stage is aweful, but it will pass.

One way you can get over this whole "boyfriendless feeling" is to set a goal. Whether it's doing a marathon or getting straight A's or some other lame example I come up with it doesn't matter. If you take your mind off of guys you'll notice A. You're really accomplishing a lot and that raises your self esteem which makes you more confident to try new things and thus meet more guys and B. A watched pot never boils. Honestly I spent the last month training for a pageant and I met 3 cute guys who might sorta kinda like me if we were to see if we could have a relationship in that way....you get the picture.

But if you really want to meet more guys outside of your social circle one of the best things to do is to join a class a rec department or some community club thing. Pick a group that interests you and is a program where guys would usually go (like you might really like dress making but I'm not sure how many you're looking for might go for that activity. The main idea is just to be yourself and stay confident. And keep an open mind, maybe it's not time for Mr. Perfect just yet, but you can learn a lot about relationships and what you look for in them when you go along with Mr. Not too bad.

I hope things work out. Keep your head up Alexa, who ever he is he'll come around soon :)

Re: I'm just so lonely

Kaila has given some brilliant advice, and I can't really add anymore to that.
All I can say is, value your friends. Relationships seem great and all, but I've got into the problem where whenever I'm with someone, theyre the main person in my life. Therefore, when we break up, I have no one. I would do anything to have a best friend who was always there for me. I feel like I could cope with anything if I had a friend I was that close with.
Just make sure when you find someone, you don't loose time for your friends. It's cliche, but boys come and go, friends are for life.
x

Re: I'm just so lonely

I met my current boyfriend at Comic-Con. =P We had two things going for us, right from the beginning: 1) We had both been to that convention before, so we felt comfortable with our surroundings, and 2) We were attending the same convention, so we were bound to have similar interests. So like Kaila said, your best bet is to look for guys at clubs, events, etc. that you enjoy attending.

If you don't know any guys from your modeling gig that may be boyfriend material, then join another club and meet the guys there! If you join a beginner-level kickboxing class, for example, you could work out with some of the guys you meet there throughout the week. AND, since you're both new, you can work on the routines together, and not feel stupid about one person being better at it than the other person. =)

It can be hard to find a 16-year-old boy who is mature enough to handle your "heavy" past. Even older men can have trouble comforting their girlfriends, because they tend to internalize their emotions and problems vs. externalize them. Be prepared for the possibility that "Mr. Perfect" won't have much to say, once you've shared everything there is to know about your past. He may be willing to talk about it with you whenever you want, or he may not want to dwell on past events that are out of his control. He may just want to focus on the present day, and dwell on the good times that you can have now.