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Wink Life Plan Panic HEEELLPPPP - April 29th 2012, 04:29 AM

Right, here is the situation. I am 20, turning 21 this year (2012) (AD).

I have only ever had one girlfriend, when I was 16, going into 17. She was the first and only girl I have ever slept with. When we broke up it turned out she slept with someone else. Two or three weeks after we broke up she started going out with someone from my school, so the last year of school was ruined.

I have been through 2 years of uni and not been out with anyone, or had a date, or "been seeing" anyone. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have a lot to give and that I could make someone happy.

Also I plan to be married by the time I'm 30, and I'm nearing 21. Not really sure what I want you to help me with, but any advice is marvellous so thank you.
   
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Re: Life Plan Panic HEEELLPPPP - April 29th 2012, 04:50 AM

You can't really plan out your whole life. Unexpected things happen all the time. And you're only 21; you've got plenty of time to settle down, believe me. Don't rush anything or try to jump into any relationships just for the sake of having one. Let things take their natural course and try to slow down and enjoy life.


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Re: Life Plan Panic HEEELLPPPP - April 29th 2012, 06:31 AM

The best advice I could ever give you about life is to never plan your life. Because life never goes as planned.

This is especially true when it comes to marriage. It's okay to have a "dream" age to be married at, but not an age you PLAN to be married at. It's the difference between saying, "I can see myself married at twenty five" and "I need to be married at twenty five, and my plan is not on schedule, and it's going to screw my life up if I can't be married by then!"

Relationships are not something to be planned. They are possibly the most unplanned thing in life. And as hard as it is, one has to roll with the flow. You cannot "make" a relationship happen, and if you can, it usually doesn't end well.

You probably do have a lot to offer in a relationship. But it's kind of like jobs: you can have plenty of potential for the job, but no one is going to see that potential if you don't put yourself out there for employers to see. Same goes with relationships. They don't just happen. Effort is required.

And you may have been trying very hard, with just no luck. But you have to keep trying, without panicking. I recommend not looking to the future right now. Instead, focus on the present. Look at connections you have and connections you are missing. Somewhere in there is the key to what you need to do to really put yourself out there. For example, do you have extra-curricular activities that give you a chance to mingle with girls? Have you suggested a study group with a few friends from a lecture (and if they are large lectures, you generally already have focus groups)? Is there a girl you'd like to hang out with who lives in your dorm or apartment building? Do you go to any kind of school events, like football or basketball games? Are you a regular at a coffee shop or cafe? Have you been to a party?

These are things that won't just help you meet women, but could also improve your general quality of college life if you aren't already doing them. It's ALL an experience. Enjoy the ride.


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