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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
scorpioodnaj Offline
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Question Males around children especially boys [Male advice preferred] - August 22nd 2013, 07:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi everyone! I fear I may become a child (boy) molester. Sorry if this is vulgar. I don't feel any sexual desires when with girls (0-18 years old). Regardless of physical characteristics. Yet when I am around boys (3-18+) I am somehow aroused. If I physically touch anywhere on body I get racing. Though I don't think of having sex or touching privates. Interestingly I only have these feelings when the boy is slightly chubby and is Caucasian or Hispanic. I do however imagine the boy gaining weight becoming heavier or gaining muscle becoming built. So my question is what is going on in my head? Specifically Men, do any of you have a similar feeling regarding boy or girls? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Again sorry if this may offend. Thank you all.

Last edited by Coffee.; August 22nd 2013 at 07:43 AM. Reason: Added abuse trigger as main warning and added male-advice preferred secondary.
   
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Re: Males around children especially boys [Male advice preferred] - August 22nd 2013, 07:46 AM

Hey there,

I have added a triggering-warning to your thread, only because it does talk about molestation, and I want to make sure that the site is a safe place for those who may be triggered by that subject. If you strongly disagree with this decision, PM myself or Cheye (the other mod) or bring it up with the Disputes committee.

You may be having pedophilic thoughts, but this does not make you a child-molester. A lot of this depends upon your age. Are you under 18? Are you over 25? When I was under 18, I was attracted to others around my age, so this did not make me a pedophile even if they were under 18.

If you're having pedophilic thoughts, you're not a bad person. Acting upon them would be dangerous, destructive, and against the law. But we can't always control what our minds do. I'd recommend seeing a counselor if this is the case, as they can help you deal with these thoughts and find ways to express yourself safely without harming children. Remember to love yourself.


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Re: Males around children especially boys [Male advice preferred] - August 23rd 2013, 04:55 AM

scorpioodnaj,

Your thoughts are perfectly natural and there's nothing wrong with them. Everyone is attracted to different things, and you just happen to become attracted to young boys. I guess you could classify yourself as a "pedophile," but that's not a word I like to use as it gives you a negative image. Once someone classifies you as a pedophile, you pretty much become this immoral person who can't contain his/her natural desires, and you deserve to be locked up your whole life until you die in jail. Clearly, you and I both know that it's not always the case that a pedophile is automatically a bad person, so I wouldn't label yourself as a pedophile. To me, you're just someone attracted to boys. Unfortunately, it's really difficult (if not impossible) to satisfy your natural desires for young boys, which is going to make dealing with your thoughts a little bit more difficult. Society pretty much wants you to suppress your thoughts, or get rid of them all together...but getting rid of your thoughts on young boys is like telling a homosexual to get rid of his/her thoughts of members of the same sex. Not that easy.

I would like to say that there's nothing wrong with you, immoral or anything like that. If you don't do anything illegal, there's not a problem. Your thoughts are your thoughts and that's just who you are, so don't let anyone try to convince you that you're less of a person or anything along those lines because you are equally valid just like everyone else.

I'm 23 years old and sometimes I forget my own age. I'm attracted to women, and it doesn't really matter the age to me. If she's beautiful and I feel like she's mature enough to make a decision about having sex, then I don't really care. Women these days look older at younger ages due to make-up, clothes, and everything so it's really difficult to pin-point how old a woman is. If she clearly looks like she's under the age of 13 then I wouldn't touch that with a 10-foot pole. But I'll be honest...if I was single and a girl looked around the age of 14-15, beautiful, and she wanted to have sex with me, I'd probably question myself and weigh my options. Every guy is different, though.
   
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Re: Males around children especially boys [Male advice preferred] - August 24th 2013, 11:48 AM

I work in a storefront in a very large shopping center. One day, a boy that couldn't have been older than five years old came to my work center and told me that he was lost and he couldn't find his mother.

The protocol for a missing child is for me to call the on site security and to make sure the child is calm.

There was nothing that stated I couldn't take the child by the hand and escort him to a safer location as I work in a photo shop with lots of dangerous materials and equipment.

After I called security, I did just that and I took him to a more appropriate store as I had to get back to work.

I don't wear a uniform and I don't like wearing my nametag for personal reasons so I didn't look any different from an ordinary person so in the process, unfortunately somebody reported to security that a black man was kidnapping a white child in a shopping center and next thing I know mall security is threatening to call the police for child endangerment.

The child was later reunited with his mother and after explaining myself I was allowed to return to my work station.

But it really told me something, that as an adult male, I have to be careful when I am around young children as the stigmas aren't being erased. Even though my situation isn't necessarily related to yours OP, it is important that you be aware of society and how it basically works.

My main advice is to basically take note as to what I mentioned and that society has it's ways of labeling men as pedophiles and child molestors even though they are not and maybe get yourself some professional help. Talking to a psychologist isn't bad. I am not a doctor so I can't diagnose you myself of any disorder that you may have.

Also Brandon gave some great advice as well.

Take care.


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