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SoulfulSerenade Offline
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Rape Survivor, Kinkster, Not sure how to tell my FWBs - November 14th 2016, 11:26 PM

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So, I'm not sure if this is the right place but regardless.

I have two FWB's and while we have good friendships, I'm worried about my rape coming to bite me on the ass when we play.

I haven't really "triggered" in years and vanilla sex doesn't trigger me, i'm really hearty to triggers in kink play cause of desensitization i put myself through during a phase of "I don't want this to control me" anyways.

I'm fine with it rough, nasty and hard, but my rape has come up outside of it, so I've become worried about it cropping up while im pinned to whatever, tied up what have you.

I'm worried about their reactions, though i wouldn't believe they'd think negatively of me and my rape, i just worry that it'll all go wrong.


How do I tell them? How do i deal with the questions that might arise? How do i assure them that its a concern and don't wish to stop the kink play we have? I just feel like they deserve to know.
   
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Re: Rape Survivor, Kinkster, Not sure how to tell my FWBs - November 14th 2016, 11:37 PM

I think informing them about your rape (I'm assuming you're the bottom/submissive in these scenarios) would be a good idea, especially if one of your kinks is consensual non-consent. I think the best thing to do is to be honest with your partners. Sit them down in a safe, comfortable place outside of any kink scenario and let them know that you have been forced to have sex against your will. You can give as much or as little details as you want; whatever you're comfortable with.

I also assume that, as a kinkster, you understand the use of safe words. They can be whatever you want them to be but the standard ones used are "red" and "yellow." "Red" means stop immediately; the play ends now. "Yellow" generally means back off or else stop and check in. I suggest employing the use of these safe words with your partners and make sure you both know what they mean. You could come up with whatever ones work for you, or you could use the standard ones. I also suggest having a plan in case you get triggered. What do you need if that happens? Do you need to stop and breathe for a moment? Do you need a hug or cuddles? Some water and a movie or show that makes you happy on the TV? Gentler sex? Figure out a plan together and find what works for you. It may take some experimenting but I believe you can find something that works.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions and concerns, and take care.



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