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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
strayalicat Offline
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First time help - November 19th 2016, 11:44 PM

Hi so um I'm going to have sex for the first time next week and I had some questions. I've know the guy many years and I'm very comfortable with doing this with him.
1. Is it OK to have sex only using a condom with out birth control pills?
2. Any tips for making the experience more comfortable
3. Do we have to have lube?
Any help would be great thank you. And please no lecture on waiting or anything.
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Re: First time help - November 20th 2016, 12:41 AM

1) Technically, it is okay to have sex with just a condom. However, you do risk pregnancy if anything goes wrong with the condom. I prefer condoms and birth control but I am extremely paranoid about getting pregnant at this point in time. I do admit that the first few times I had sex we only used a condom and we were fine.

2) You say you are already comfortable with this person and I think that makes sex better or, at the least, more comfortable. I've only had sex with one person but I had to get really comfortable with him before that happened. Once I was comfortable sex just kind of happened and it wasn't awkward or weird. There were some awkward moments when we were figuring out positioning but I think that might be common with people having sex together for the first time. I am guessing that other people can offer you more suggestions on this one.

3) You should probably use lube. I might be incorrect in thinking this but I read an article a while ago that said that if you are using condoms and don't use lube it can lead to the condoms breaking. So, I always use lube because of that. I also like the feel of lube because I've had sex without lube once and it was a little uncomfortable because I got dry. Lube will prevent you from going dry and it will help you enjoy the experience.

Someone who has more knowledge about lube and condoms can probably give you more advice on the matter. I just figured I'd reply with things I've learned and picked up from research.

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Re: First time help - November 20th 2016, 01:51 PM


1- it's okay to have sex just with a condom, but I would advise to also be on the birth control pill. This is what I did, and it really wasn't much of a hassle. I guess that if this is just going to be a one-time thing because you're curious and you just want to try it out but that you don't plan on being sexually active regularly after that, you might not want to bother with the pill. But if, for example, this is your boyfriend and it's not just a one-time thing, I would definitely take the pill.

2- Don't be afraid to laugh about it. It's not unlikely for you to have some trouble with the whole thing, so if it's awkward at times and neither of you quite know where to put what, you need to be comfortable laughing it off. Take it lightly. Also, remember that if at any moment you want to stop, know that it is completely okay to do so; sometimes you forget this, and even though you are genuinely excited to have sex it ends up feeling like an obligation, so just reminding yourself that you can stop at any moment just males you feel more relaxed.

3- I think it would probably make things easier, although you could also try without (I did it without, and whilst it probably would have been a bit easier with lube, I don't think it's necessary to have.)

The main thing is, remember that it's natural, follow your gut feeling, and be as protected as possible, so if it isn't too hard for you to get on the pill, definitely do that.

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Re: First time help - November 20th 2016, 04:26 PM

Don't worry we won't lecture. So many of use had or are having sex as teenagers. Just be smart and responsible like your trying to be.

O1. Is it OK to have sex only using a condom with out birth control pills?
It's fine to just use condoms. It's not perfect, 97% (assuming you don't make any human errors and they're not expired) and the pill is about the same so using both helps to reduce risk further, however some women like myself prefer not to use birth control (oral contraceptives, nuva ring etc) and just rely on condoms for health reasons - it affects my mood which sucks - and I'm also old enough that it wouldn't be a big deal if I did get pregnant because I have a home, stable relationship and money. So I guess it works both ways and entirely depends on comfort. Both is better but you can get the pill later.

2. Any tips for making the experience more comfortable
Go slow and "be careful" - it can hurt when the hymen stretches but if your boyfriend is as gentle as possible and considerate then you should stil have a good experience.

3. Do we have to have lube?
No. as long as the condoms come lubricated. Most of the time it's enough but if it's feeling dry down there any how you can get live later. Plus some lubes can compromise the effectiveness and durability of the condom so you might end up with the condom ripping. Google can tell you all about which lives are "kosher" for use with condoms lol

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Re: First time help - November 20th 2016, 07:14 PM

Hi Ali,

I'm just going to start off by saying my first couple times were not consensual, so I don't remember much of them. So unlike most people, when I had my first consensual encounter it didn't hurt as much as some girls say. But that's because it wasn't technically my first time.

1. There's been a few times I have had sex with only a condom. I always feel more safe using both a condom and birth control pills as I feel like I'm a lot more protected. So maybe if you continue to be sexually active you can consider going on birth control pills. There's also a lot of different types of birth control you can look into.

2. All I can really suggest is to have a lot of communication between you and your partner. Make sure you take it slow and tell him when it's hurting.

3. This is a personal preference. Sometimes lube helps make it easier to get in. So you might find it helps with the pain.

Keep in mind you may be in pain either the next day or for a few hours.

I hope this helps!
Be safe,

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stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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Re: First time help - November 20th 2016, 08:07 PM

I read somewhere that dancing with someone made sex easier as you are more used to their body; I don't know how true this is.
Lube is very useful keep some on hand, makes sure it is water based and can be used with condoms.
Be careful and just let it come naturally, don't feel you can't change your mind.
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Re: First time help - November 22nd 2016, 03:00 AM

Originally Posted by Gothic Wolf View Post
Lube is very useful keep some on hand, makes sure it is water based and can be used with condoms.
This is important. From what I know water based lube is best with condoms because other lubes can break the condom down which leads to the condom being no good.

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