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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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acting101 Offline
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Climaxing/Figuring out Pleasure - February 2nd 2017, 01:34 AM

Hello friends,

Apologies if any of this is TMI, but I am very proud of the progress I've made when it comes to sex and my female anatomy.

I am very new to the world of sex. I had/have extreme anxiety towards if but I have my first boyfriend of my adult life and he's taking babysteps with me. I am surprisingly proud to say that I can explore my vulva in a mirror without having an anxiety attack and I bought and have been playing with a vibrator.

All my boyfriend and I have done is dry humping and manual sex (he fingered me but I'm still not at a point where I'm comfortable touching him). Pleasure wise, I'm not sure how I feel about fingering. I couldn't help but squirm while he was doing it because it was a whole lot of feeling I've never experienced, and I think I just have to settle down next time and try to enjoy it.

From him doing that I felt a bit more adventurous and bought myself one of those vibrating bullet thingies. Just as an interesting fact, I was reading the instructions and came across the warning "NOT FOR INTERNAL USE" and I was kinda like "huh? aren't sex toys meant to be used inside you?" I wasn't actually aware masturbation didn't have to include vaginal penetration. That was sort of relieving to find out.

First time I used it was fairly positive. It got to a point where I had to set it aside and just sit for a minute and sorta quiver and shudder with tingles and fairly good vibes. This happened to me once while dry humping with my boyfriend, and I'm just kinda curious... (here comes the kinda dumb question)... is that what people call climaxing/orgasms? Or is a climax a much more intense version of that? Were those experiences of me being on the verge of it but stopping?
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Re: Climaxing/Figuring out Pleasure - February 4th 2017, 07:03 AM


I think it is natural to have some anxiety over this, it could be because of trauma you suffered in the past or just because.

I think it is good that you can explore without anxiety. Just so you are clear masturbation can be just stimulation on the outside. Some people don't like things inside of them. I think it would be good to try all sorts of different things you can do during masturbation. I can't really go into detail because it isn't aloud. I would suggest maybe doing a google search on female masturbation techniques.

About when your boyfriend was fingering you. It could be the fact you maybe don't like penetration all that much. Or another reason could be because you were nervous. I honestly would try to relax next time and see how it goes.

What you described about what happens when you are masturbating or dry humping it sounds like you are having an orgasm. For me my whole body tenses, my toes curl so much to the point i do get charlie horse, sometimes I get tears in my eyes. You just have to ride it out.

I hope this was at least a little bit helpful.

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Re: Climaxing/Figuring out Pleasure - February 6th 2017, 08:07 AM

Hey there,

It's great that you've reached a point where you're able to explore your body and sex without experiencing feelings of anxiety! I'm glad your boyfriend is also willing to take things slowly with you as you learn new things and work to change your relationship with sex.

It's perfectly natural that you weren't sure what to think when your boyfriend was fingering you. As you mentioned, it is a completely new experience for you and it's going to take some adjustment. It's important that you communicate these things with your boyfriend, as it will help him understand what you do and don't like. Even if you're not sure how you feel about things, you can always tell him "I like/don't like when you do that." or "I'm not sure how I feel about that." Open communication about sex will help you learn more about your body and help your boyfriend know what is best for you. It's also possible that you're simply not a fan of penetration, which is perfectly fine too!

It does sound like you had an orgasm or at least came close to doing so. The more you experience different feelings associated with sex, the easier it will be to determine exactly what you're feeling, what made you feel that way, etc.

Take care,

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