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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Something For the Ashamed and Afraid - June 14th 2017, 11:32 AM

This thread has been labeled as non-PG13 by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for younger users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I scrolled through a few pages of this forum, and a recurring theme I see overall, is whether or not having sex is ok. I mean young men, asking how to control their drives, or why they have them in the first place. Young women too, who feel these completely natural urges, but feel weird or as if they are unnatural. In short, I felt that I read many posts where the OP was ashamed, or afraid. And I just wanted to say to those people, I get it. I understand.

There were plenty of responses saying that you should feel obligated to do nothing, and you don't owe anyone your body or its capabilities. And this is completely correct. But no one really brought up the other side. You should never be ashamed of doing something sexual. As a recovering, sometimes still fighting, sex, porn, and masturbation addict since 12-13, shame was one of my greatest enemies. It destroyed my self confidence and esteem, to the point that I hated myself for having such a large sex drive. Sex is treated that way. Schools preach abstinence, religions all but forbid it, parents refuse to have the talk, or enforce strict rules locking all information and questions out, in an attempt to protect their child. Its counterproductive, and destructive. You guys are going to experience these feelings, sooner or later. If you grow up thinking something is wrong with you, you will almost never get that idea out of your head. Trust me.

Yes. You are 14. You are 16. You are 12. You are young. And that will make it more complicated. People in your age group will not be ready for steps such as sex, and that's ok. They don't have to be. But it will cause you pain. Unfulfilled desire always does. The urges will not go away. It is, quite literally, a biological need. As a personal anecdote, the answer to whether or not you will feel better in a social setting knowing you have had sex, is yes. Whether the cause of media and propoganda, or the biological pride of knowing you have claimed a mate, you will feel better after you have sex. I am not saying go have sex right now. You need another person, and you should never make unwanted sexual advances. That will land you in serious trouble. My main point is, don't be ashamed to have sex, and don't be shamed if you've already had it. You've done nothing wrong, and being young is not a sin. It's an opportunity to figure out key factors of your life before you grow up, and one that many miss.

Shame and fear should never be associated with a young adults sex drive. You're normal. We all have different drives, tastes, and interests, but that's what you're body and mind want to figure out. I had to stop being afraid and ashamed of who I was to find a bit of happiness. I went from fear and shame, to someone who's proud to be a practicing dominant of all things! Maybe I'm just crazy, or stupid, but I feel like i saw a lot of posts asking for answers other than, "don't feel obligated," or, "you're young, so take your time." So I'm offering my services. As someone who has a long, complicated and in depth relationship with sex, I'm presenting an open invitation to anyone with questions to message me. Anything that anybody talks about with me is labeled classified. I keep more secrets than Hoover did. If you feel like a question is too weird to post, didn't quite get the answer you were lookin for, or anything at all really, feel free to drop your queries in my inbox. Maybe all this pointless knowledge and experience will finally prove to be of some use.
   
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