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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Skyline Offline
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Name: Skye
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Location: France

Posts: 512
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Join Date: August 24th 2014

isn't bothered to make me come... - September 3rd 2017, 04:32 PM

This isn't a big deal to me, but I still thought I'd bring it up here since it's been on my mind...

We've been together for six months now and things are pretty great, but there's one thing that's been bothering me lately, which is that when we have intercourse I don't come most of the time. It isn't the not-coming in itself which is the main issue for me (because I know that it's just physiologically more complicated or at least it takes longer for a woman to come during intercourse than it is for a guy -- I think the stat is that only 1/3 of women come regularly from intercourse), but rather the fact that he doesn't seem that bothered to make me come once he's finished.
We do plenty of foreplay (we basically do foreplay until I'm VERY close to climaxing and then quickly move on to intercourse so that I have more chances of coming), he's very caring and loving and attentive in bed -- as I said, we do lots of foreplay, it isn't like he wants to stick it in and just rush it -- but even then, I only come about a quarter of the time, and once he's finished he doesn't offer to help me finish.

He asked me once if it wasn't super frustrating not to come, saying that if it were him he'd feel very frustrated (as in, not at me, but like physically and sexually frustrated). I told him it was sometimes annoying (because obviously coming is pleasurable so it's frustrating to not experience that pleasure), but that it wasn't like it left me in physical pain or anything like it can with guys (what with blue balls and all that jazz), and that the "journey" in itself feels really good anyways. I downplayed it a lot and hinted that it was slightly annoying but made out like really it was no big deal, simply because I hate demanding stuff from people. I'm frustrated at myself for not being fully honest about it when I had the chance, especially since I had been wanting to bring it up. Part of me did feel a pang of anger though, because I felt like if he had even slightest suspicion that it was frustrating for me not to come, why didn't he offer to help me finish afterwards??

Anyways, since then things haven't improved in bed. He'll still finish and not bother to make me come afterwards. I guess I can't exactly blame him for not making that effort since I did brush it off when he asked, but I would have expected him to try nonetheless, just because he should care about making me feel pleasure... I know that if I were to finish before him I would make that extra effort. It's actually only ever happened once (other than that we either come at the same time -- which is GREAT when it does happen -- or I don't come at all), and after that I spent like twenty minutes going down on him until he came, and I fully enjoyed it because it made him feel great and I enjoy pleasing him. So it gets to me when he knows I didn't come -- and I do make it known not-so-subtly that I didn't come because I ask him if he did, and I respond with a " :/ ", *shrugs*, *nevermind* kind of face -- and doesn't even offer. I asked him once if he could continue with foreplay until I came and he did, but he didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about it. It was more of a "sure, I don't mind" rather than a "of course! I'd love that" type of response.

Anyways it's just that it's sexually frustrating and makes me feel like he's maybe not all that grateful to have me, and it's an overall disappointing situation basically. What makes it all the more frustrating is that often I'm so, so close to coming that I could finish in 30 seconds if he put in the effort, and it would make a big difference in my mood.

I want to bring this up with him but ugh, I hate seeming demanding, and what's worse he'll know that when he initially brought it up I wasn't being fully honest. If anyone has any advice on how I should talk about the subject or if you have any personal experience to share, I'd be very grateful


"You shall love your crooked neighbour / with your crooked heart."
   
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