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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Masturbated for the first time - January 10th 2018, 03:26 PM

I masturbated for the first time but I feel conflicted. A part of me feels gross for doing it like I defiled my body somehow but on the other hand it felt really good. All my life Iv been told masturbating is bad but im old enough to make my own decisions now. Maybe thats why I feel gross idk. Has anyone else felt this way?


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Re: Masturbated for the first time - January 10th 2018, 07:33 PM

Hi there.

I'm really sorry you're experiencing this upsetting internal conflict. I can remember a time where I experienced this as well, and it tore me apart sometimes. The good news is that you are not alone, as I have heard of many people who have gone through this as well.
I'm not sure if it was religious people who told you masturbation was bad, but that seems to be a common theme with this problem.
Personally, I felt this way for a long time after I started masturbating, for maybe 2-3 years. I was told by religious parents, the church pastor, and religious websites that masturbation was extremely wrong because it was "lust" and lust is a sin against god and against your future wife/husband that you will save yourself for marriage for. Pretty heavy stuff for like, a twelve year old.
I would cry every time after I masturbated, because I too felt so dirty and guilty. I would try to hold off for as long as I could. I constantly Googled about whether it was okay or not, and I finally found one religious website that said masturbation was okay, so long as you didn't lust after anyone while doing it because then you'd be cheating on your future spouse. That means no fantasizing, no sexting, and ESPECIALLY no porn. Some of the commenters on that article said they would think of relaxing places, like the sunset at the beach, instead of thinking of another person while masturbating. Absurd as all hell? Yes. But somehow that answer was good enough for me. It didn't matter for long, because I don't know if anyone can follow those "no lust" rules forever, and eventually I just stopped caring about whether it was wrong or not altogether. That could have been because of my loss of interest in my religion or because I just matured more sexually and got more comfortable with myself.
Either way, I know that you can overcome this dilemma.

Something I would recommend is, if you haven't already, use a mirror and really take a look at all the parts down there and familiarize yourself with everything. To be honest, sometimes I think I'm still learning things about my body, since the genitals portion of anatomy and health class was always kind of just blown over and rushed through.
Along with that, experimenting with different methods and toys will really help you to get more comfortable and experienced with yourself.
And even with this advice, you don't need to push yourself to do those things if you don't feel like you're ready. It's a very tricky subject and unfortunately a lot of us are misled with masturbation from being told as children that it's wrong. It's easy to believe that something is wrong when we don't have any desire to do it, but as soon as all these hormones from puberty begin to course through our veins, it's a lot harder to stay away from something that is so NATURAL and INSTINCTUAL. Think about it, if masturbation wasn't normal and we weren't supposed to do it, why would we feel so inclined to do it? And why would the vast majority of people want to do it?
It's natural and normal and there is nothing dirty or wrong about you for wanting to do it.

I know I talked about the religious aspect of it a lot through this post but I didn't want to make it the main focus just in case there was a different reason for people telling you that masturbation is wrong.
If it is because of religion however, I don't want you to take my personal story the wrong way and think that I'm urging you to forget about your religion and just do whatever you want. While letting go of my religion was the right thing for me and overall led me to a much healthier mindset and lifestyle, I don't want to urge people to do the same unless it's something you want to do.
My point was that even if the reason for "masturbation being wrong" is a religious reason, you can still try to find a "common ground" between religion and natural, biological human instincts. For example, the "no lust" rules that I followed for a bit. That was a good common ground because it felt like I was still obeying my religion but was still able to practice a natural bodily function.

Sorry for such a long reply, I'm very passionate about this subject because it's something that I struggled with as well for so long. It's not healthy for you to have that struggle and feel so bad about yourself for doing something so natural, and I am sorry that it's something you're going through right now. I have no doubt that you will figure something out to make this a better experience for you. Masturbation feels good for a reason!


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Re: Masturbated for the first time - January 10th 2018, 09:03 PM

Hi Jess, thankyou so much for that answer. It actually is a religious reason why i felt so guilty about it. My parents and church pastors always said it was wrong. But I got to a point where I decided not to believe a shit about anything people said if It wasnt in the bible. And ironically the bible says NOTHING about masturbation. If Jesus thought it was wrong he would have put it in the bible. But its not in there. Im just strugging of having to overcome the hurdle of going against everything iv been taught from childhood. I’ll definanty try the mirror suggestion because I dont know what im doing down there and it would be nice to know. I actually made myself bleed a little. I was a little concerned about that. Is that normal too for your first time?


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Re: Masturbated for the first time - January 13th 2018, 02:18 AM

Hey there,

I can relate to this a bit. I grew up going to church from about 5-10 and after that my parents would still go to church occasionally. A lot of the stuff that I was taught in those years has still stuck with me. I know, rationally, a lot of the stuff isn't a big deal but I still struggle. I struggle with the concept of sex before marriage and masturbation. I admit, masturbation has never been something that did much for me but any time I tried I would be consumed with guilt afterwards.

I think that when you have certain things ingrained into your mind, it is hard to overcome it. Unfortunately, a lot of religious people (not all) believe that masturbation is wrong so they preach about it to their children.

I think that the more you do it, the more you will realize that it is completely normal to do. I think that might help with the shame you might feel.

As for the bleeding, if you over do it, you can have that happen. I am pretty sure you could find some things to help with that if you looked it up. We aren't allowed to give tips so the best advice I can give is to research.

I really hope all of this helps and I am wishing you the best of luck.


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