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Am I weird for liking this stuff. - July 30th 2018, 01:11 AM

[SIZE="a"]Hey there!

I'm a straight 14 year old male with a confused brain.

Ever since I was young I've had some fascination with people being tied up/bondage/ BDSM in general. I never thought much of it but over time as I'm maturing I've grown to think I'm really messed up. I look up to see if this is normal on google and all i see is forums with people saying "That's messed up!"or "You need to see a psychiatrist". This is why I'm scared to talk about this because I'm scared people are going to judge me and think I'm a bad person. I don't mean harm in any way shape or form. But i just think I'm really messed up and I don't know what to do.

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Re: Am I weird for liking this stuff. - July 30th 2018, 01:53 AM

Hi there!

It's great that you've decided to reach out for help. I'm going to start off by saying that you're definitely not messed up. BDSM is an entire lifestyle. A lot of people just want to experience it once and then they stop, others live it all the time. It's only recently become more popular within the past few years (after 50 shades came out). You're still very young and you might change your mind once you're older, but if you don't, that's totally okay.

Make sure if you do decide to go down that road, that you're with someone you trust. Safe words are a MUST especially the first few times until you start to get used to each other. When I started exploring the BDSM world, I met guys off the net (which is definitely not a good idea) however, I would always give my closest friend the address of where I was going in case something happened.

I hope this somewhat answers your questions. Ignore people who are saying it's messed up/that you're crazy, they just don't understand that type of lifestyle.


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Re: Am I weird for liking this stuff. - July 30th 2018, 02:25 AM


I don't think this makes you messed up or a bad person at all. I wasn't really exposed to BDSM until college, but I learned that there's a whole community of people! I learned that there are even meet-up events that are done in restaurants where people interested in different kinks or BDSM can get together and just make friends in a low-pressure environment. Obviously, nothing sexual is done in the middle of a restaurant, but this is a great way to meet people with similar interests. I went to a few of them and you don't JUST talk about BDSM/kink either. You'd likely have to be 18+ to go to an event like this though, not because they want to discriminate, but because they want to make sure everyone is safe.

So you're definitely not alone there and I don't think that this is something that you need therapy for unless you think it is affecting your life negatively (for example, you become addicted to BDSM and it takes over your life). As long as you don't think your interest is doing you any harm, I think it's fine.

I definitely agree with Brittany about making sure you experiment with someone safe and have a safe word. Also, make sure there's a safety plan in place. For example, if you ever use rope or restraints, make sure that you check that they aren't too tight so that circulation isn't being cut off. If there's numbness or the limb feels cold, it's best to remove them. For things like rope, it's also a good idea to have scissors around in case they need to be cut away in a hurry. So, basically make sure you're comfortable with things and do your research, and if anyone feels uncomfortable or unsafe it's important to stop.

So, this doesn't make you a bad person in any way. Not everyone is accepting of BDSM, but that doesn't mean it's wrong! There are plenty of people who are into it and you wouldn't even know by looking at them. You're fine, ignore the haters.

Take care,

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Re: Am I weird for liking this stuff. - July 30th 2018, 03:20 AM

[SIZE="a"]Thank you so much for the response. I'm feeling much better now and I'm starting to accept myself thank you!!![/size]
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Re: Am I weird for liking this stuff. - July 30th 2018, 04:32 AM

There's nothing wrong with liking BDSM. Let's face it; this is literally 50 shades of grey. 50 shades is hella problematic though because of how it represents BDSM (e.g. the guy constantly ignores her boundaries, and the actions go outside of the bedroom where he tells her how to dress, where to work, influences her career etc.) and I think that 50 shades kind of blurred the lines between BDSM and abuse (e.g. controlling, manipulation, and sexual abuse). BDSM in and of itself is not a bad thing though!

I think that the media just doesn't represent, hmmm, divergent or alternative sexual preferences very often? So the ways that a lot of us learn how we might be able to communicate about our sexual preferences just isn't there if it's out of the norm (it's getting there; there are more diverse representations for LGBT+ folks, media is less gay-panicky, and there are fewer negative jokes about perfectly acceptable preferences. But fetishes and fantasies are perfectly fine, whether it is BDSM, a thing for feet etc.

It's just important to remember things like boundaries in any situation, especially when doing something that can more easily cross a line like BDSM.
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