Female Advice Preferred: Compulsive Masturbation

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]So I usually masturbate when I'm feeling really upset. Its a coping skill for me just like SH. I I'll also get this urge to masturbate and its just like SH is for me- I can't ignore it. Is that "normal", is it something to worry abut? Is this something I can bring up in therapy? Something about the way I do it feels so off to me, I'm just so confused.[/size]

[Ennui.]

Masturbation can be a great way to release pent up stress and other emotions.

As far as worrying about it or not, how does it affect your daily life? You said you do it compulsively, which to me means that you aren't really able to distract yourself and do something else to avoid giving in to the urge. Am I understanding right? Another thing to consider is how this is impacting you. Are you hurting yourself by masturbating too much or in a way that is harmful? Are you missing out on social, professional, or other activities to masturbate? In other words, is masturbation getting in the way of your daily life? If the answer to those questions is yes, it may be getting addictive for you and be a bit worrisome.

Whether you answered yes to those questions or not I think it's okay if you bring this up in therapy. If it's scary, you can write it down first and either read the note to your therapist or have your therapist read it. Since it feels off to you and you have so much confusion surrounding it, your therapist may have some suggestions on how to work through it and get more clarity about things. Don't be embarrassed either! They've heard it all!

I hope this helps at least a little.

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Thank you so much! While its definitely not impacting my daily life i.e. I'm still functioning it is very much compulsive. Something just feels off... I definitely will try to bring this up in therapy. Regarding masturbation being harmful: I'm not sure but I feel like it affects my period. Is that even a thing? Like can it stop it/cause it not to come? Feel like specifically the way I masturbate can do this... agghhh This whole topic is so confusing to me b/c I never learnt about in a healthy way.[/size]

Hey there! Thanks for posting.

Just as it's really important for us to listen to our bodies to give us clues about our emotions, it can be just as important for us to listen to our emotions regarding our bodies. I am glad it doesn't seem to be affecting your daily life, or distracting you from things you should otherwise be doing, but (and please correct me if I'm wrong here) it sounds like by "compulsive" you might mean "use as a coping tool to distract from unwanted emotions." Is that correct? If so, then it might explain why something feels off to you.

Masturbation in and of itself is a completely natural, healthy thing to do. But, like anything, it can be done for the wrong reasons, and that can make it an unwise choice if you frequently use it to cope with difficult emotions. Eventually the unconscious associations might begin to affect your feelings about your body and your relationship with it. And that's something to definitely be aware of.

I would absolutely talk to your therapist about this. It sounds like a good idea, and they know you best and might have a more specific idea about how to help you. As for it affecting your period, it could possibly be, but that would most likely be something to discuss with your PCP. Stress is also a very common reason for affecting the menstrual cycle, and that could also be at play here. If talking with your PCP right now sounds too uncomfortable, I would suggest at least talking to your therapist and what they have to say.

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]it sounds like by "compulsive" you might mean "use as a coping tool to distract from unwanted emotions." Is that correct?

Yes, yes, yes! Like I said before, I have the same feelings (usually) before I masturbate that I have before self harm. Gonna be so hard to bring this up in therapy, though.....and don't feel comfortable talking to pcp
Thanks for all ur advice and explanations [/size]

[iambored1]

i feel the same way lol

[Coffee.]

Therapy would be a great way to dive deeper into this. As others have explained, masturbation itself is a healthy coping technique. While we've attached the feeling of shame to the act, there is nothing wrong with masturbating when you're feeling stressed! A few red flags for if it's becoming an issue: (1) if you're harming yourself doing it (chaffing, bleeding, etc), (2) if it's impacting your daily life (you're missing class/work, you're cancelling plans with friends so you can do it, etc). Think of it like exercise - it's a great way to relieve stress, but there is risk of overdoing it, so be mindful.

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]thanks everyone for ur responses! i discussed it with my therapist (even tho it was really hard to bring up) I realized that its not interfering with my life and its healthy. It's just really hard for me to actualize cuz I never learnt about it in a healthy way.[/size]

Thanks for updating us! I am glad your therapist was able to help you, and I am glad you realized that you can learn to have a healthy sexual relationship with your own body.