Triggering (Abuse): Had sex now im scared

[kden2009]

H I am Kayden and I am 13 and bisexual. I had sex with a boy in my class on Wednesday after school at his house now he won't talk to me and i'm scared he will tell people that i am gay/bi.


We had been flirting since last year and we got heavy this week and he invited me over after school to have sex as he only lives down the block. I have been told I have a big dick but I have had sex before and its never been a problem, it was fine when i first went in and we used a lot of lube but i got really into it and he started screaming and crying, i pulled out and there was a little bit of blood. He is a little bit smaller so i guess i should have thought about that but he was crying and told me to get out right then so i did. I'm scared he will tell people at school or something because he avoided me yesterday and wont respond to messages on sc. He also stole my underwear and socks when he told me to get out which idc about but what if he uses it as proof. What should i do i have tried apologising and im scared.

[Silvan]

Hi Kayden,
thanks for reaching out!

I understand you're scared and anxious in this situation. It must have been an unnerving experience, especially since you didn't mean to hurt that boy.

You said he won't respond to your messages - could you try reaching him again with message kept in a calm and respectful tone? Something along the lines: 'I am sorry if I hurt you during our meeting. I didn't mean to. Is it possible for us to talk? I would like to know what went wrong from your point of view'.

If he still doesn't respond, I suggest you talk to an adult. It could be your parent or other family member, but I understand it might be very difficult to speak with someone close to you emotionally. If so, is there a school counselor at your school? Talking to this person would be the best choice in my opinion, as they are objective, not connected to you emotionally, and they are experienced in dealing with such situations. Remember: a school counselor went through special studies or courses to gain knowledge and experience helping teenagers in difficult situations, they will not judge you, and if you are embarrassed - they have probably dealt with many similar cases, and as I said - they won't judge you.
An additional advantage of reaching out to the counselor is that you and the boy go to the same school, so the counselor could arrange a meeting with you two and act as a mediator, or at least talk to that boy themselves, if he cannot be convinced to speak with you.

What is more, I suggest you consider whether sex is a good idea. Firstly, depending on where you live it might be illegal to engage in sexual activity at your age. Secondly, limited knowledge of sex and its potential consequences can lead to unpleasant or even dangerous situations (even if you are educated on the matter, the other person(s) might not be!). Thirdly, if you do decide to engage in sexual activity, make sure to prioritise safety (for example using condoms for anal sex - it protects from STIs and anal microbes; or making sure the partner is willing to engage and knows the consequences).

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the situation to resolve well for you (and the boy). Please keep us updated and don't hesitate to ask if you have any further questions.

Take care!
Sue

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Kayden,

Welcome to TeenHelp, you did a wonderful job finding us and asking for help with this. When we are upset and scared about something, it is always a good idea to ask someone for help because they will be able to listen and help us out. If you are not able to talk with your parents or someone at home about what you have been through, how about someone at school? What about talking to the school counselor or your favorite teacher? If you are not able to talk to them face to face then how about writing everything down on paper and then giving this to them to read and then talk about this after they have read this.

Also what Sue is saying is really good, try talking to him and ask why he's acting like this. You can also try talking to him when he is alone at his locker or somewhere in the school and just try talking to him about this and see what he says back. You are welcome to post more on this or anything else that you are going through. I hope you will be okay soon.