porn

[lovebug21]

So my boyfriend and I have been together about 8 months. Ive had several "serious" relationships before, but he blows everything and everyone else away. To be quite honest, I couldnt imagine being with ANYONE better. I love him, and I know that he loves me (Im the first serious relationship he has ever had). Anyyyyway. So I know he looks at porn, besides the fact that he is a guy and Ive also seen him watching it. And quite frankly, I watch it too, although I havent really told him that. Anyway, when we first started dating, we had sex almost every day. and of coarse, as the relationship goes on, things kind of slow down a little bit. But lately, It just seems like we hardly have sex at all. maybe 3 to 4 times a month. I am a very sexual person. Ive talked to him about it multiple times. Ive even pushed him to having sex with me, which is something I never ever want to have to do. I want him to WANT me. But it seems to be that the only time he ever really is in the mood, is when Im at work, or just away from him. Ive actually woken up to him watching porn about 5 feet away from me. So, the thing is, he hardly EVER initiates sex, and when I do, he turns me down most of the time. He says he loves me more than hes ever loved anyone. Hes always talking about our future together. He is my best friend. He says that he is of coarse attracted to me, and that because we dont have sex all the time, that I should see that as a sign of how strong our relationship is, that he doesnt just see me as a toy, but as someone he truly cares for. I believe him, but its hard to get my needs met and I am with him about 90% of the time. I guess Im just kind of at a loss as of what to do. I could really use some opinions. My thing is just that I wish he would want to be with me, instead of turning somewhere else. I understand that boys will be boys and watch porn, and like i said, so do i. but it doesnt change my sex drive at all! ive considered the fact that he may be under stress.. he has been working out a lot lately, and he did just get promoted at his job. but Ive just never ever been turned down for sex before.. Im a recovered annorexic and its taken me a long time to feel attractive and comfortable with my body, ESPECIALLY being naked. and he has helped me get there, but now im starting to blame it on myself (even though my rational tells me otherwise).

whew, im done rambling.
give me some opinions, suggestions.
anything is appreciated.
thanks

[WillO'Wisp]

Perhaps he's just not as sexual as you are, maybe cutting down on the sex every now and then isn't such a bad thing because when you finally do have sex again, it's all that more mind-blowing. As for the porn, it shouldn't bother you, all guys look at it and it's good you don't seem to be too flustered by that.

[Jocelyn.]

In a round-about way it sounds like you are saying him looking at porn makes you feel self-conscious, and I really don't blame you. I've had this problem with my boyfriend for a while. Even when I was looking at it also, the fact that he did too make me not feel very attractive and wanted. In all honesty, for the most part males and females see watching porn in two totally different lights.

You should definitely let him know how it makes you feel. He'll probably be able to reassure you and make you feel better about the situation. I can almost guarantee he's not comparing you to those girls, or watching it in place of having sex with you. Sometimes guys just need to do it themselves. Unfortunately if he has been stressed out and tired, he may just not feel like having sex.... Ever since I had my son, it's taken so much out of me. I have a huge sex drive, but just not enough energy to actually do it.

I am a firm believer in the fact that porn should not be affecting a couple sex life negatively. So, just talk to him and make sure that's not the case. I'm sure he's just under a lot of pressure at work right now. Good luck!

[Twisted]

I've been in pretty much the same situation as you, well similar. I know my boyfriend watches porn, he's told me he has but i knew anyway because he's a guy. And i don't want to stereotype but the majority of guys watch porn. I don't mind most of the time, because i know that it's just porn and nothing more, he's even told me that he's watched porn when i was sleeping next to him and it didn't bother me.

We didn't have sex much either and it made me feel self concious to, and i guess i sorta made the connection that the porn was making him find me unnatractive, seeing all these girls with flat tummy's and perfect boobs and bums (even though its all fake and unrealistic). I got upset one night when he didn't want sex because i was feeling low anyway and he said pretty much the same as your boyfriend, he loves me, he doesn't see me as a sex toy and that i shouldn't think that just because he's not in the mood for sex doesn't mean he doesn't find me attractive either. Because i'd trust him with my life i listened to him and i do feel much better about it now. I actually sat and thought about it and realized that when i've watched porn in the past it hasn't changed the way i view my boyfriend in any way, shape or form so why should it change the way he views me.

I have a really high sex drive anyway, and because he's 4 years older than me he's sorta been and gone through the high sex drive phase, he can control himself more (even though that doesn't mean turning him on is difficult lol) and as another plus it just shows that he wants you and not just someone to have sex with.

Anyway i kinda rambled on about my self here, i thought i would be able to have some advice being as i've been in a similar situation but i hope the fact that i know how you feel helps you understand your boyfriend more and that chances are its not that he doesn't find you attractive, its just that he doesn't see sex as a major factor in how stable a relationship is.