Non-PG13: ...embarassing, but i have a question.

[kayduh2010]

okay, so this is really embarassing...but, i have trouble orgasming. i've never had an orgasm with any of the three guys i've been with. of course, the first two that i've "been with," were like 5 minute guys. the guy im with now, lasts FOREVER. but, idk what it is, i can't orgasm. when i do it myself, it takes maybe two minutes, but with the guy im with now, and the other two, it just doesnt happen. it kinda concerns me. could it be like one of those "too self-concious" issues, or is there like, something wrong with me?

[lelala]

Okay first, that was a bit confusing. It could be that you just freeze up (self consciously or knowing it) or just that you aren't comfortable with what they are doing to make you orgasm. You could try different things and see what works, that's what I did and now I just feel comfortable with whatever. Or your body might just have to get used to it. (:
PM me anytime

[i_like_black]

It could be that they do it differently to the way you like it?
When you're in the sack together you have to communicate - each partner needs to know not only what feels good, but what feels best.

Most people can orgasm fairly quickly on their own, but it's always going to take longer with a partner because there's two people involved and the focus ir on joint pleasure not just a feeling you want.

When myself and my girlfriend started having sex, it was months before I orgasmed with her. Part of it was learning each other's bodies, the other part was we had to relax around each other and talk about what feels good.

And as long as it isn't hurting, there's nothing wrong with you

[kayduh2010]

well, as far as the sex goes, it does hurt [[sorry for this]] but he's A LOT bigger than my two exes. and i tighten back up really quickly. we see each other every weekend. so, the fact that i tighten up within a day or two makes it pretty bad by the time a week's gone by. lol. but, we always mess around for a long time before we have sex. idk if it's maybe self-confidence issues...?? the last two times we dated, my weight stayed between XXX and XXX, which is my ideal weight for my height and frame by the medical charts. but, when my grandpa died my freshman year, i like blew up or something. that was three years ago. and i was at about XXX when i started getting help a few months ago and i was diagnosed with so many things, mentally. they had me on depakote, for bipolar disorder, which made me go up to XXX in a month. and he switched my meds, and i've been on them for a month. my meds make me borderline anorexic, and in the past month, i've gone from XXX-almost XXX. i have serious body image issues. i avoid mirrors like the plague when im naked. literally. i hate looking at myself. and sometimes i find myself wondering what he sees in me, and why i can't see it. so, idk, i mean, what he does feels good, but im uncomfortable with my body...MAJORLY uncomfortable. so, that may be the issue. idk. i know i wont be comfortable with myself until i get down to my ideal "medical" weight. that sounds stupid, but im throwing out ideas that may be the problem. cause i honestly, have no idea what's going on with me.

[i_like_black]

Weight numbers aren't allowed on TeenHelp!!!!

The fact that you don't like yourself and can't see what he sees probably has a lot to do with it - sounds like you're nervous around him because you're not comfortable around yourself.

Because he's bigger than the others, it'll probably take a while for your body to get used to him. It's good that you do lots of playing stuff first, that tends to loosen you up.

Perhaps you could try hanging out nake together as well as having sex naked so you have a chance to get comfortable with him? It's likely you'll find him staring greedily a lot of the time, even though your mind probably won't let you believe that at the moment.

As it does hurt, it's probably a good idea to see a doctor and explain your concerns and see if maybe you need to be referred to a gynaecologist. A lot has changed for you in a short space of time and that affects how bodies react to sex.

[kayduh2010]

sorry. forgot about the weight numbers...lol. i was just into the typing i guess. i know i've definetly got to get used to his size, and as long as he lasts seeing as how the only other two were done in like 5 minutes. the first time we had sex, it lasted a good hour or so, and i was so tired. and as far as the gynecologist, i need to be referred to one anyways. i just had my annual exam, but i go to the health dept. the only prob with finding a gynecologist is finding one that takes medicaid, cause besides my grandma, im pretty much on my own. and i can't afford medical bills, and she can't either. but, im still working on the body image issues. im trying. im medicated for a few things and im being forced to go to counseling, so even though im not too apt to the forced part, counseling does help. i just have to work on accepting my body the way it is, until i can get my weight under control and where i want it at to be able to be completely comfortable.

[Jocelyn.]

Most girls can't orgasm by sex alone... try having him rub you during. That's the only way I can reach orgasm.

[kayduh2010]

Originally Posted by BadFish

Most girls can't orgasm by sex alone... try having him rub you during. That's the only way I can reach orgasm.

tried that.... doesnt work for me. im telling you, im pretty much impssible...lol.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Lots of people have this problem, including me! I don't want to post the link but I'll PM you, I asked a question about this on another forum and got lots of advice there that was great.

[occcoolboy]

well there is nothing wrong with you or your body. its probably the difference of you having a orgasm with the guys and doing it yourself. its mainly because there is someone else next to you than only you in a room.

[Katara]

Its all about confidence, and like most things it becomes a vicious cycle of being nervous because its not happening then getting more nervous and so on, just relax and enjoy yourself, don't worry about it

[flowerchild32273]

yea just try not to worry about it. if you think about it too much you'll psych yourself out. my issue was that my boyfriend would get upset when i didnt get there so it made it harder for me to relax but once he calmed down about it i did too and now theres no problem ^_^

[Algernon]

Just be lucky you can orgasm... Some of us girls have NEVER had one with a guy... [b]*cough cough*[/[/

[kayduh2010]

Originally Posted by flowerchild32273

yea just try not to worry about it. if you think about it too much you'll psych yourself out. my issue was that my boyfriend would get upset when i didnt get there so it made it harder for me to relax but once he calmed down about it i did too and now theres no problem ^_^

i wish it was that easy. lol. i have so many self confidence issues...and it's not quite as easy for me in general to be confident about myself at all. last time we dated i was A LOT smaller than i am now. im way over weight, and i just, dont feel comfortable with myself. at all. and i can't just get over it. i know he loves me for who i am. and i know that for sure. im still just trying to build my confidence and esteem in myself up from my last relationship. my ex talked down to me so much, and disrespected me so much that i literally had nothing when i finally got the gut to end everything. but, it's building back up very, very slowly.

[garin]

My gf dated 3 guys before she and i got together and not once had she ever come close to an orgasm. I'm one of those guys that for w/e reason attracts girls as the guy friend but never the bf so i learned alot of things over the years which really helped me with my gf. we have tried alot of different things but the one thing thats 99% sure to make her orgasm is her vibrator. Hope i don't get in trouble for that lol. without being too descriptive, just use that while your together and i believe that it may work for you. in the end though, it really is about communication and learning what each other likes.

[kayduh2010]

Originally Posted by garin

My gf dated 3 guys before she and i got together and not once had she ever come close to an orgasm. I'm one of those guys that for w/e reason attracts girls as the guy friend but never the bf so i learned alot of things over the years which really helped me with my gf. we have tried alot of different things but the one thing thats 99% sure to make her orgasm is her vibrator. Hope i don't get in trouble for that lol. without being too descriptive, just use that while your together and i believe that it may work for you. in the end though, it really is about communication and learning what each other likes.

see, that would be a good idea...if i didn't live w/ my grandma. lol. most of the time that we have sex is when he stays the night here with me on weekends. idk how in the world she would react if she was to find a vibrator in the house somewhere. i have no where to hide one, first of all, and second, i have no money to get one even if i wanted to. lol.

[iDream]

You said it hurts when you two have sex. From what you've told us, there are two reasons I can think of that this is happening. One is that you're not wet enough. You said he last a pretty long time, so there's a chance that you're not lubricated enough most of the time. Second, you also said he's pretty big, so he might be hitting your cervix. The vagina is only about 4-6 inches deep when aroused, so this is a possibility, too.

Either way, good luck! And communication is key, so let him know how you usually get yourself to orgasm and that should help things along as well.

[Nicolette]

you may not be feeling the simulation that you need with this guy, give it time, sometimes you can be self concious when it comes to sex which can keep you from reaching your peak. Try out new things in your comfort level and hopefully you'll find something that works for you.

[kayduh2010]

Originally Posted by iDream

You said it hurts when you two have sex. From what you've told us, there are two reasons I can think of that this is happening. One is that you're not wet enough. You said he last a pretty long time, so there's a chance that you're not lubricated enough most of the time. Second, you also said he's pretty big, so he might be hitting your cervix. The vagina is only about 4-6 inches deep when aroused, so this is a possibility, too.

Either way, good luck! And communication is key, so let him know how you usually get yourself to orgasm and that should help things along as well.

very true...but, i can tell you, that im lubricated MORE than enough. when he turns me on, like just messing with me, he can feel it through my JEANS. so, im definetly wet enough. but yea, he is a lot bigger than what im used to. and you're prolly right about the cervix thing. and i'll make sure i talk to him about that tonight. lol. him and his sister are going to get tatted up, and then coming back here to stay the night. [[my grandma doesnt care.]] as far as she's concerned, im 18 and she can't tell me what to do, but i do respect her and always ask first. but yea, i'll talk to him. THANKS!!

[WillO'Wisp]

I have that problem too. Most women don't orgasm during sex, so there is nothing wrong with you.

[LittleMiss]

It's okay, I'm like that too.

My theory though, is that I am too sensitive and any direct contact is just painful.

[kayduh2010]

Originally Posted by LittleMiss

It's okay, I'm like that too.

My theory though, is that I am too sensitive and any direct contact is just painful.

im honestly not sensitive at all. so i know that's not my problem. im still thinking it's just me being self-concious. but, i've dropped a little bit more weight, and i dont have too much furthur to go, so, hopefully once i get to my goal, i start feeling comfortable with myself again.

[[love your signature btw, i had to laugh at that. lol.]]