Your Opinions on Sex before marriage?

[Brandon]

I guess it's just the word sacred which I don't really understand. I realise once it's gone, it's gone, but how is it sacred exactly? When as you've said it can be broken by everyday stuff.. I would understand more if it only occurred when having sex for the first time..

Well, it's sacred because it's "connected with religion" (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sacred). I don't think it's sacred because I kind of leave that out of my religion

I don't get that virginity doesn't mean much nowadays just because a lot of people lie about it. I get that because of that, you may not know if someone is really telling the truth or not, but that's circumstantial. It doesn't mean virginity isn't as special. If someone decides not to have sex before marriage, that's still a meaningful thing.

To a degree, I agree. It's potentially a special thing. Not every guy is going to say that your virginity is a special thing. To some guys, it just means that "she's tight", which to a guy is a great thing. Some guys aren't gonna be like "you're a virgin...well...I'm honored to take your virginity and I will make a special occasion...". Sometimes, virginity is like "you're a virgin? Okay...I'll go slow"...not appreciating your virginity, but more of like an obstacle that's getting in the way of the real enjoyment. But hey, sometimes it is a special thing...but that's not always the case. As for guys, I can betcha that most guys don't treasure their virginity. Hell, I thought of it as a burden and I was glad to get rid of that sucker. Everyone's different, so I can agree to some extent.

So breaking the hymen is proof, concrete evidence that you've taken someone's virginity? Why does it matter if a guy knows for sure that he really has taken your virginity? Why is it the significant factor when half the time, it doesn't count? I just think it's sad if that's what's really special, just cos you know for sure..

Well, I don't like lies. If you lost your virginity to a guy you didn't like and then you turn around and tell me that you're still a virgin, although I will probably never find out, I don't think that's fair. I don't think virginity is special at all for men AND women, but if a woman wants to have sex with me and she hasn't had her hymen broke...it's gonna hurt like shit. But if she's willing to go through that pain for me, then I consider that a huge compliment/special. Nothing sad about it.

[Missy07]

I used to think I'd wait until I got married. But in the last year or so, I've come to the belief that if I met the "right one" and I knew we were the real deal, it'd happen before we got married. I honestly think I've met the right guy, and I lost my virginity to him about a month ago. I think it's okay, if you truly love that person, and you know they're the right person for you.

[vval365]

I think it is a good thing to wait until marriage just because I wouldn't want to have sex with a boy before I'm married just because I might regret it later on. Your first time has to be special and you have to do it with someone you care a lot about and know deeply.

[WillO'Wisp]

I don't think sex before marriage is wrong at all. I think sex is a form of expressing your love to each other, a way of bonding and becoming closer. Of course like you said, sex isn't everything in a relationship and it's not good if your relationship consists only of sex, but sex does help in a relationship, especially if you really love each other. If the sex is mind-blowing, then it's even better.

[Rhiannax3]

Originally Posted by vval365

I think it is a good thing to wait until marriage just because I wouldn't want to have sex with a boy before I'm married just because I might regret it later on. Your first time has to be special and you have to do it with someone you care a lot about and know deeply.

Although I believe your first time is a very special thing, for the majority of people, their first time isn't exactly great and it either hurts or it's a bit awkward and I just think that if your first time was on your wedding night, it would, in fact, actually ruin the experience..

[Justin Bieber]

Alright, remember that this is not a debate you guys, this is just a simple question

I think you should only have sex with someone you plan to marry. Or that would be an ideal situation!

[DivingCheska]

I have always said that I was going to wait until marragie to have sex. I think it would just be a lot more special. But considering that I might not actually be able to get married my plan is fully shot out of the window. I look up to the people that stick with no sex till marrage because I image that it is sometimes very hard and tempting if you rae in a very serouis relationship.

On the other hand I don't see anything wrong with sex before marrage as long as you know what your doing and are sure that you won't regret it down the road. The only problem I have are the people the slut around and just give it up to anyone basiclly.... because it shows that they don't respect themselfs enough.

These are just my opions

[darkinnocenteyes]

If you are a virgin and you guarded your heart and your mind from sexual things because of your religion, and you just got married to them and you love them. You will not know if they are not that good in bed... because they will be all that you have and will experience. So to respond to the original poster... you only need to try before you buy if you have a preconcieved standard of what you want... and you only get that from "trying to figure out" who is good in bed. If you don't know what good in bed is, then it wont bother you if the person you married is not really good because they will be the only sexual standard you have set in your life.

[Xujhan]

Originally Posted by darkinnocenteyes

If you are a virgin and you guarded your heart and your mind from sexual things because of your religion, and you just got married to them and you love them. You will not know if they are not that good in bed... because they will be all that you have and will experience. So to respond to the original poster... you only need to try before you buy if you have a preconcieved standard of what you want... and you only get that from "trying to figure out" who is good in bed. If you don't know what good in bed is, then it wont bother you if the person you married is not really good because they will be the only sexual standard you have set in your life.

I don't think this is representative of what many people would experience. For example; many people have either good or bad first times: if it were entirely relative, wouldn't everyone claim to have a good first experience? As well, many people have different sexual tastes. Looking at it as just a sliding scale of good versus bad in bed is drastically oversimplifying it. As a very simple example; what about two people with a high sexual appetite - say, who ideally would like sex every day or two - marrying someone who really only wants sex once a month or so. There are lots of people who fall into each category - and there are hundreds of other such ways two people can differ - and if two people marry whose sexual preferences just don't match well, their relationship will likely suffer for it.

Now, if sex isn't too important to both people in a couple, it might not be that big a problem. And for such a couple, getting married before having sex isn't such a risky prospect. But I think such couples are a minority, and to anyone to whom sex is important - or even someone who is unsure - marriage before sex comes with an element of risk that should at very least be acknowledged and considered, even if it is ultimately ignored. But simply saying "don't sleep with your boy/girlfriend before you marry and everything will turn out fine" is likely to lead to a lot of unhappy marriages.

[Nicolette]

oh the joys about the whole "sex before marriage." So many people say if you slip you're going to hell... from my religous stand point I don't believe that God is going to throw you into a fiery pit because you ended up having sex with someone you love before you got married, wether it works out or not I don't think thats the deal... I believe its more for a moral basis of treating your body like a temple and not sleeping around with every person out there... to have good morals and not pass yourself around.

Sex before marriage I don't think is a bad thing, kudo's to those who decide to wait but if you don't then alot of good people are going to burn. Even with a religous background I tried before I buyed... I lived in "sin" with my partner for 2 years before we got married because we wanted to see if we were compatible when it came to living together and sharing our lives together.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

I think that everyone has the right to do what they want. I personally do not think I want to wait until marriage. I mean, I want to wait until I feel comfortable enough with someone and all that.

I have told my friends that the first person I have sex with has to be important. They most likely are not going to be the person I spend the rest of my life with but I want them to be important to me.

I don't want to rush into it and I plan on waiting till I am ready but I feel that I will be ready before marriage. I plan on waiting till I meet someone who becomes important to me. To be honest the first person I have sex with could be just a friend. I hope that that is not the case. I hope the first person I take that step with is a 'boyfriend' but all in all I want my first time to be with someone very very special.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by ~Jenna~

I think that everyone has the right to do what they want. I personally do not think I want to wait until marriage. I mean, I want to wait until I feel comfortable enough with someone and all that.

I have told my friends that the first person I have sex with has to be important. They most likely are not going to be the person I spend the rest of my life with but I want them to be important to me.

I don't want to rush into it and I plan on waiting till I am ready but I feel that I will be ready before marriage. I plan on waiting till I meet someone who becomes important to me. To be honest the first person I have sex with could be just a friend. I hope that that is not the case. I hope the first person I take that step with is a 'boyfriend' but all in all I want my first time to be with someone very very special.

I really like your attitude.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by Brandon

Well, it's sacred because it's "connected with religion" (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sacred). I don't think it's sacred because I kind of leave that out of my religion



To a degree, I agree. It's potentially a special thing. Not every guy is going to say that your virginity is a special thing. To some guys, it just means that "she's tight", which to a guy is a great thing. Some guys aren't gonna be like "you're a virgin...well...I'm honored to take your virginity and I will make a special occasion...". Sometimes, virginity is like "you're a virgin? Okay...I'll go slow"...not appreciating your virginity, but more of like an obstacle that's getting in the way of the real enjoyment. But hey, sometimes it is a special thing...but that's not always the case. As for guys, I can betcha that most guys don't treasure their virginity. Hell, I thought of it as a burden and I was glad to get rid of that sucker. Everyone's different, so I can agree to some extent.



Well, I don't like lies. If you lost your virginity to a guy you didn't like and then you turn around and tell me that you're still a virgin, although I will probably never find out, I don't think that's fair. I don't think virginity is special at all for men AND women, but if a woman wants to have sex with me and she hasn't had her hymen broke...it's gonna hurt like shit. But if she's willing to go through that pain for me, then I consider that a huge compliment/special. Nothing sad about it.

What about people like me, I probably broke my hymen well before I had sex due to gymnastic training from a young age, it defintley was not there when I lost my virginity.

[Brandon]

What about people like me, I probably broke my hymen well before I had sex due to gymnastic training from a young age, it defintley was not there when I lost my virginity.

Then you broke your hymen from gymnastic training? What about you?

[annabanana.]

I think you should be in a stable relationship before you sleep with someone, and in a sense it is a woman's gift to their partner - that they value you enough to wait. So I think it should be the woman's choice for when they want to do it, and who they choose to do it with. I would like to think I won't have sex before marriage personally, however I know that many people wouldn't share that view.

Take care.
Anna

[Lost_Confused]

Me, personally, would wait until marriage.
Yeah, you could try it out to see if he's any good, but I would rather wait until I'm married, because what if he's just trying to use me for sex?
If I gave him what he wanted, then he'd just leave. If i was married to him, then he (usually.) wouldn't just use me, then leave me. If he really loved me, then he'd be able to wait for me, I guess is how i see it

[TheNumber42]

Originally Posted by Amy.

I think you should only have sex with someone you plan to marry. Or that would be an ideal situation!

I pretty much agree with this. Not to say that I plan to wait until I marry them or that things may not change, but if I can't at least seriously see myself marrying them, I don't know that I could have sex with them.

For me, sex is merely an extension of intimacy, and I can be intimate with someone without being sexual in any way, so I would rather do that and save sex for when it really means something, whether that is before or after marriage.

[Xujhan]

Originally Posted by annabanana.

I think you should be in a stable relationship before you sleep with someone, and in a sense it is a woman's gift to their partner - that they value you enough to wait. So I think it should be the woman's choice for when they want to do it, and who they choose to do it with. I would like to think I won't have sex before marriage personally, however I know that many people wouldn't share that view.

Take care.
Anna

I hope I'm misreading or misunderstanding you, but this seems a little bit sexist to me. The idea that sex is a woman's gift to a man in a relationship seems to perpetuate all sorts of old-fashioned, unhealthy ideas about sex and sexual relationships. That aside, I agree with the rest of what you say, but I think that view in particular isn't really how we should look at it.

[SongsaboutHelena]

i have been raised in a christian home and go to a christian school (even though i dont believe in god) i would wait for marriage. because i dont want to get married out of wed lock
im old fashioned, what can i say?

[darkinnocenteyes]

Statistics show though that people that obstain from sex until marrage have a much lower divorce rate than those who "try then buy". Divorce rates are staggering... obveously there's somethin wrong. If so many people are having sex before marriage to make sure they are compatable, then surely they arent getting divorces because their sex lives are struggling. Right? But why doesn't the research seem to favor those people when looking at long and happy marriages if that is such an important part of relationships?

[chanelxo]

I think that's just someone's choice,if they feel that going with a guy before marriage then i wouldn't condemm them for it.But for me my choice is to wait for marriage,i feel that i would wanna be with the guy who would wait to have sex with me and it wouldn't be a problem then that's the guy that truely cares about me and how i feel.


But also if i could marry a guy who is also a virgin,then i think it would mean 10x more then to be with a guy who's already been with a good amount of woman before i met him.

[Katara]

Originally Posted by xHolyValorx

Nice quote... There's a reason why It's in my sig =)

Haha I knew there was a reason it was in my head xD

Originally Posted by darkinnocenteyes

Statistics show though that people that obstain from sex until marrage have a much lower divorce rate than those who "try then buy". Divorce rates are staggering... obveously there's somethin wrong. If so many people are having sex before marriage to make sure they are compatable, then surely they arent getting divorces because their sex lives are struggling. Right? But why doesn't the research seem to favor those people when looking at long and happy marriages if that is such an important part of relationships?

The reason for this is obvious, the people who do wait for marriage to have sex are the people who are far less likely to divorce anyway, ie the devoutly religious

[Fishie]

There are both pros and cons when saving yourself for marriage. My personal opinion is each their own and if you feel like saving yourself til marriage for the "one" that is great and good that you feel like waiting. Religion I think is the basic and main reason most who wait til marriage do so. I don't have a problem with premarital sex or waiting til marriage. Either way its up to the individual at the end of the day. I say that the cons of waiting til marriage is that you are only going to be with that person and you didn't get to experience anyone else, your first time with them may be awful and you might not even like sex, and if I was committing myself to someone I would want to know how they are before we get married, just so it wouldn't surprise me as much. I personally feel that there is nothing wrong with having sex before marriage and who its too. I think this plays a role in how i was raised. I wasn't ever taught sex is sacred or you should wait til you have a long term bf/gf or that you shouldn't give in. Personally I think sex is just another way to connect with someone and express your passion with them, or also just something to do when you are horny and feel the need or want to have sex. Personally losing your virginity is just another stepping stone in life. As long as you are ready to have sex and you know the consequences and take precautions I say go for it. If you want to have sex then by all means do so. Society's standards have really changed over the years and I do find it nice to see some people are saving themselves because that's not the normal anymore.

[Xujhan]

Originally Posted by darkinnocenteyes

Statistics show though that people that obstain from sex until marrage have a much lower divorce rate than those who "try then buy". Divorce rates are staggering... obveously there's somethin wrong. If so many people are having sex before marriage to make sure they are compatable, then surely they arent getting divorces because their sex lives are struggling. Right? But why doesn't the research seem to favor those people when looking at long and happy marriages if that is such an important part of relationships?

The problem with this reasoning is that you're inferring causation when all there is is a relation. From those statistics alone, it's possible that having sex before marriage raises your chance of getting divorced, but there are other possible explanations as well. Much more likely I think is that the personality types who are more likely to have sex before marriage are also more likely to get divorced if they find themselves dissatisfied with their marriage. Those two traits are after all indicative of a progressive, liberal mindset.

[wateroakgirl]

I think you should wait because the whole reason to have sex is to have kids.... if you dont want kids. dont have sex.

[Mel14]

I thought I wanted to save myself for marriage. But to be honest, it is so hard.....and not worth it in my mind.
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and we both think we're ready. But after growing up thinking I had to wait, it's sort of depressing me. What if I regret it?
It all depends on the person really.

[blackflag1982]

Doesn't really matter to me, but something to take into consideration is that the person that you do have sex with better be someone you fully trust and love because if not, I feel bad for that kid.

[Rhop101]

My gf wants to wait till marriage I want to wait till marriage, but I wouldn't mind having sex if we were engaged it depends when we are both ready. It was sort of funny at work over the summer we were talking because we were bored this came up:
Tristan: Hey Robert what do you think of premarital sex?
Robert: I don't know I'll have to see.
That happened before I met my gf, but I don't mind waiting till marriage if that's what happens besides we still get our fair share of physical intimacy without sex and as we get more open to each other and better at pleasing each other and trying new ways to turn each other on without sex
Whenever I start getting sort of bored and she gets bored we always find a way to spice it up so to speak

[Jack]

To me, sex before marriage is a must. I'm not sure I could ever consider dating anyone who would want to wait until marriage for us to have sex. Sex and physical intimacy is such an important part of any relationship. Virginity is overrated, the sooner you get rid of it the sooner you can actually start being good at sex rather than having awkward fumbling inexperienced sex. I would prefer a fun sexy honeymoon rather than a painful awkward bleeding first time in the marital bed.

It would be awful to get to marriage and find that you're sexually incompatible, your partner can't satisfy you or any other myriad of issues that could arise by waiting. Not to mention that I'm not sure you should even be getting married unless you've been in quite a long term relationship beforehand (around 2 years or more in my book) and over 2 years of a sexless relationship would be awful.

As Voltaire put it: "It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge" and I am inclined to agree with him.

That being said, it all comes down to what you feel most comfortable doing. If you want to wait, then good for you. I just personally couldn't do that.

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by darkinnocenteyes

Statistics show though that people that obstain from sex until marrage have a much lower divorce rate than those who "try then buy". Divorce rates are staggering... obveously there's somethin wrong. If so many people are having sex before marriage to make sure they are compatable, then surely they arent getting divorces because their sex lives are struggling. Right? But why doesn't the research seem to favor those people when looking at long and happy marriages if that is such an important part of relationships?

I love it when people pull these figures out of their arses. If they then surveyed so see who was happy and who was not, I'd imagine it would be pretty revealing. Often it is religious people who do not believe in divorce who will wait for marriage, and would rather stay stuck in a terrible marriage then end the marriage and get a divorce ...

[her_beautiful_mistake]

Originally Posted by Lost_Confused

Me, personally, would wait until marriage.
Yeah, you could try it out to see if he's any good, but I would rather wait until I'm married, because what if he's just trying to use me for sex?
If I gave him what he wanted, then he'd just leave. If i was married to him, then he (usually.) wouldn't just use me, then leave me. If he really loved me, then he'd be able to wait for me, I guess is how i see it

I think that if you've been with someone for a good few months, then they're not using you for sex.

I'm a female, and if I was with someone for say 4 months and they then told me they did not want to have sex before marriage, I would end the relationship. Not because I want to use them for sex but because that is a fundamental part of my relationships.

This ^^ shows a reasonably niave mindset. You can tell when a guy is using you for sex, normally.

[DanielR]

Many women actually cannot tell, and usually falsely accuse you even if your intentions are otherwise.

Its good to read everyone else's opinions here... but I do seem to notice A LOT of people saying that sex before marriage is bad, and stating religion as being the reason.
Considering I'm atheist/Agnostic... I'll keep my opinions on religion to myself, but I will say this: Religion is one of the biggest reasons why relationships fail. I do think that you can still have a sexual relationship without marriage... God will forgive you when you reach the pearly gates (assuming its real...).

[Jill.]

Okay, for someone who isn't a virgin, I am obviously alright with pre-marital sex.
I have never seen virginity as something that is 'sacred' and that a women needs
to stay pure until marriage. Honestly? I think that purity stuff is a load of crap.
I am not planning on getting married young, I see myself as someone putting
something like marraige lower on my list; so even if I had still been a virgin, this
idea would not be ideal for me. I think that the "magic" and stuff and this "connection"
that people describe what they want their first time to be is overrated. I mean,
the first time is awkward, and I definitley would not want that on my honeymoon.

[Yen]

Originally Posted by wateroakgirl

I think you should wait because the whole reason to have sex is to have kids.... if you dont want kids. dont have sex.

REALLY?! Huh... I don't want kids but, damn, sex feels good and so I'll have it... Geez.... I just don't see the logic in that... Hell, even dolphins and Bonobos know that sex doesn't have to produce children

[icedoverfire]

I think the reason the "no-sex-before-marriage" "rule" came about was because at the time the people who developed it had an intuitive understanding of the consequences of unrestrained promiscuity - i.e. if someone sleeps with A LOT of people then the social order kind of falls apart and people start getting mixed feelings, hatred towards each other, etc - not to mention unrestrained, unprotected, promiscuous sex has the potential of spreading STDs/STIs and unwanted pregnancies.

*Note: the above is not meant to imply good or bad about anything - it is merely an extreme example.

Personally - I don't have a problem with sex before marriage, because I would be a hypocrite if I did. I think it's a judgment call in that if someone decides to have sex before marriage (assuming that they fully understand what they're doing - that is, no alcohol or drugs or altered mental states involved) that person should be willing to at least make an effort to maintain a relationship with the person they're having sex with..... Essentially, I view "sleeping around"/"hooking up" as totally wrong.

Now I know people will say "what about drunk sex?" I view that as more of a legitimate mistake. Yes, I understand that it has painful emotional and/or physical consequences but ANY mistake - sexual or not - can have those.

-ice